With Josephine Oguntoyinbo

In the age of social media, where everything from birthdays to breakups finds its way online, a new and unsettling trend has emerged. Some widowers now publicly post statements like, “If you are a widow and interested, enter my DM.” At first glance, this might appear as harmless openness or a modern approach to finding love again. But a closer look reveals an undercurrent of insensitivity that calls for reflection and restraint.

Widowhood, whether for a man or a woman, is a deeply emotional and sacred journey. Losing a spouse is one of life’s heaviest blows, leaving wounds that time may not fully heal. To turn such a profound experience into a social media campaign trivialises the pain of loss and the sanctity of love once shared.

When a widower openly invites widows to “enter his DM,” it often comes across as a recruitment notice rather than a heartfelt search for companionship. It strips the concept of remarriage of its emotional weight and spiritual significance, replacing it with casualness that borders on mockery. Such announcements may even give the impression that widows are merely options on a shelf, waiting to be selected.

Relationships, especially those formed after loss, require tenderness, maturity and time. Love is not an item to be advertised or requested in bulk. Every widow’s story is unique, some are still healing, some are learning to live again, while others may have moved on quietly. To lump them together in a single public call for attention diminishes their individuality and the sacredness of their journey.

In a world where privacy is increasingly sacrifice for visibility, decency must not be discarded. If a widower truly seeks love again, the proper way to do so is through private, respectful and intentional engagement. True affection grows in silence, understanding and shared values, not under the glare of social media spectatorship.

It is worth noting that finding love after loss is not wrong. In fact, companionship can bring comfort and healing when approached with sincerity and prayerful guidance. What becomes questionable is how such love is sought. When it turns into a public hunt, it reflects desperation more than devotion.

For widows, wisdom is crucial. Not every invitation deserves a response. Guarding one’s heart after such deep pain is not pride, it is self-respect. A man who truly values a woman will not summon her through a blanket statement, but will seek her out with dignity and honour.

There is also a moral undertone to consider. Social media is a powerful tool that can either uplift or degrade human relationships. When used carelessly, it becomes a stage for insensitive expressions that wound rather than heal. Public declarations of this nature may attract not genuine partners, but opportunists who prey on vulnerability.

The culture of “DM invitations” also exposes a troubling shift in how society views intimacy. What used to be private, sacred and deeply personal is now broadcast like a community announcement. We must ask ourselves: are we losing touch with the values that once defined our humanity respect, patience and discretion?

Widowhood should be treated with reverence. Those who have walked through the valley of loss deserve empathy, not objectification. Whether a man or a woman, their readiness for another relationship must never be assumed or exploited for attention online.

It is equally important for social media users to show restraint. Liking, sharing or joking about such posts only fuels a culture of insensitivity. Instead, society should encourage conversations around healing, grief, and healthy remarriage based on faith, friendship and understanding.

For widowers genuinely seeking companionship, patience is key. Healing must come before pursuit, and dignity before desire. A relationship born out of shared values and quiet understanding will always outlast one initiated through a flashy online appeal.

Love after loss can be beautiful, but only when it grows from a place of peace, prayer and genuine readiness. Public declarations, no matter how well-intentioned, cannot replace authentic human connection built on mutual respect.

In the end, widowhood deserves dignity. Widows are not applicants to be summoned into DMs, and widowers should not turn their search for love into a social media spectacle. Real love does not need a public invitation, it finds its way naturally, guided by grace and sincerity.

Therefore, the journey of widowhood is not a trend; it is a testimony of endurance, faith and hope. Those who have lived through loss should be treated with compassion, not commodified through careless digital expressions. Let love, respect and maturity lead the way, not social media theatrics that make light of life’s most sacred bonds.