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Tuesday, December 6, 2022

Abba Kyari and the Cookies in Our  Anuses

By Busuyi Mekusi


Like I observed before, the Nigerian media space is richly crowded, with successive news items rivalring one another for needed attention and retention. It is no longer safe to argue that it is a matter of one major news per week. Since after his linkage with the transnational internet vampire, Hushpuppi, Abba Kyari has refused to leave the media space as a result of the back-and-forth handling of his investigation by the Panel emplaced to determine his culpability in the activities of Hushpuppi that led to the latter’s arrest and trial in the United States of America, particularly the extradiction request made of Kyari in connection with his visibility in the investigation of Hushpuppi. As the suspicion of most Nigerians continues to grow in relation to the complicity of some powerful forces in the architecture of the Nigerian Police Force, who they believe are making frantic efforts to scuttle the extradition of Kyari, his recent accusation and arrest for being a member of a drug cartel that operates across national borders extracts huge concerns from reasonable Nigerians.

Therefore, the decision to reflect on Kyari’s ‘Empire of Death’ was informed by the cataclysmic implications of Kyari’s, and his ilks, existence in our socio-political and economic space. As we long for the unravelling of the monstrousity of Kyari and his lieutenants, we still have melting in our mouths the mints of toxic petrol and its devastating effects; another ASUU strike; ASUU and the tangle with FUTO loyalists of Isah Pantami, who would have to meet in the Court and not the University Senate, to interrogate the ‘legality’ or otherwise of the disputable professorial title ‘conferred’ on the controversial Minister of Communication and Digital Economy; the sustained attritions thrown at Tinubu, who continues to traverse the national space for political consultations; Oluwo’s alleged request to the Osun State Government for financial support, to the tune of N20, 000, 000. 00 (Twenty Million naira) only to fund his royal wedding to a northern princess, etc. These negative news materials are clearly reflective of the sordid stinking material property of a nation in jeopardy, with no one committed to how to reverse the ailing economy, the systematic pogroms across the nation, and despondency infiltrating the consciousness of the majority of Nigerians.

The evolutionary ideological cum politico-economic developments in human civilisations have clearly shown that it is either a society structures itself in a way that puts its resources in the hands of the mass of the people or few individuals that own the means of production, and control capital, to stringently and stingily exclude the majority, and favour the very few. For lack of space, it may not be necessary to go into a detailed postulations around socialism and capitalism. Apart from some countries in the Middle East, countries across the world are witnessing mass movements against the holders of capitals, whose strictures are annihilating to the land workers. The dangerous outcome of this negatively-skewed economic relations is the abject poverty that gnarls at the poor. Even though the poverty capital of the world indices in Nigeria are extremely palpable, the politicisation of same is like, as it is popularly said, adding salt into injury.

Talking comparatively or, better still, metaphorically the Haitian dirt or mud cookies have come to signpost the economic disempowerment of the people who rely on mud cookies to fill their stomachs as a result of the out-of-reach condition of imported food. These special ‘food of poverty’, believed to be rich in minerals such as calcium,  is made of clay, butter and salt, and are eaten as traditional remedy for hunger. However, for the purpose of interrogating the despicable attitudes of Abba Kyari, reminiscent of an average Nigerian public office holder, the cookies of Nigerians are configured to be in their anuses, as they feed, like Chichidodo, on abominable things, including excreta. The metaphor of Chichidodo has become, in my estimation, an imagery of the characterisation of the Nigerian society. Little wonder its intentional adoption in my writings. Chichidodo is a mythical Ghanian bird, popularised by Ayi Kwei Armah in The Beautyful Ones Are Not Yet Born, that is believed to have aversion for faeces but feed heavily on maggots. While the former is moderate in degradation, the latter is nutritionally epidemic in composition. It is like hating a mother and loving her children! The pretentions of this bird is axiomatic of the behaviours of Nigerians, who pray for development but retard advancement; they celebrate ill-gotten wealth but complain about bad roads and ritual killings; they collect money to vote but recriminate over poor political representation.

Abba Kyari, like the dubious tortoise that got a scabrous back as a result of falling from grace to grass, the once super cop who was an arrester has become the arrested. Kyari’s systematic deployment of his training, public office and a special unit of the Nigeria Police  for scandalous transactions is just one example of what is the standard practices in the country. Public offices are seen by all as privileging spaces meant for abuse of power and resources. Contracts are awarded in the Nigeria system with known established protocols willfully subverted, and the awarder ending as the awardee. The end result is that the project would be poorly executed and received by the agents of the Chief Executive who is also the contractor. This repulsive attitude continues in most sectors of the economy, with  people that matter either complicit or determined to look the other way. The private sector of the economy that should rescue the nation from her monolithic economy is neck deep in the sacrileges ongoing across government institutions. The judiciary remains tied to the apron string of the executive, and the argument is rife that ‘he who pays the piper calls the tune’.

Not minding the position to the contrary, Kyari’s theatrical criminal perfomances obviously show why institutions do not work in Nigeria. It shows why criminals would escape the sharp fingers of the law; why crime victims would become endangered, and get the table turned against them; why the police are not the friends of the people, as claimed; why kidnappers would collect huge ransoms and there would not be any trace of them, not to talk of being caught; why people would hold the notion that insecurity is deliberately festering in Nigeria to get some to perpetually be in business of warring and blood-letting; why individuals with no-known source of earnings would have police escort and protection; why a man in the Nigeria Army would use his official uniform to drive a smuggled vehicle and peddle prohibited items or narcotics, to escape confiscation or arrest; why a university staff would be involved in admission scam, and demand for sexual gratification; why a petrol importer would, as done by importers of building materials who trade in sub-standard products, bring in adulterated fuel, not minding the hazards it would constitute to end users. The list is endless, typifying our unmitigated glutony.

We all got raped by Kyari who surreptitiously got the standing ovation of the National Assembly, thinking he was a hero, not knowing he was a villain. A short video about the visit two northern governors paid to the exquisite palatial living room of Kyari in the recent past dominated the social media. The conviviality at the meeeting also showed a powerful DSP that was living above his means. It is not uncommon in Nigeria system that people live far and above their means, with no one asking questions. Some have even argued that the low remuneration of certain employments was deliberately so, to respond to additional perquisites of such an office. Most Nigerians are simply eating cookies extractable from their anuses, as they continue to shout and cry about recession in every facet of the nation. Weep not Nigerians, just stop eating the abominable cookies coming out of your anuses!

For Nigeria to be rid of certain challenges like corruption, drug peddling, child trafficking, kidnapping, ritual killing, and other nefarious activities, I will like to, once again, propose the instrument of life-style accountability and auditing. Substantially speaking, stealing without spending is uncommon, and would at best end the Escobar or Abacha ways, without traces of reparation more often. The present capitalistic tendencies in the economy should be reversed through a national rebirth initiative. Political offices should be made less attractive, and political processes less monetised. Institutions should not be tied to the whims and caprices of individuals, or subjected to ethnic bigotry. Existing values about humanity should be massively projected. Community regenerative initiatives should be emplaced, while a new order of remuneration and compensation should be evolved. We surely need life style auditing, purgation and restitution that we would stop eating cookies from our anuses. My apologies, should my analogy sounds scatological!


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