By Kemi Olatunde

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Tayo and Bisola used to be admired by all as they were both a definition of love during their undergraduate days at a university in the northern part of Nigeria. The relationship progressed into marriage and the ceremony was witnessed by people from all walks of life. They were both over the moon about their new status. Tayo adored his wife, especially during the early years of the marriage.

However, things began to take a new shape when all efforts to make Bisola conceive proved abortive. Hence, to Tayo, the adorable Bisola became barren and useless.

The above scenario is similar to what happens in most homes where couples are waiting to conceive, especially in this clime of the world and most of the time, the woman is at the receiving end. She is most time seen as a failure.

Every lady desires to get married and give birth to children as and when due. Marriage indeed comes with a lot of things; the good, bad, and ugly. Some experience more good than bad while it is the other way around for some. One of the blessings of marriage is the fruit of the womb and as this comes with ease to some, others have to wait for a specific period to have their dream fulfilled. The pain of having to wait for a while before having children can best be imagined as several women have different experiences.

A teacher, Mrs Fikayo Adekumbi while speaking with The Hope said that she was traumatized for a long time before she had her bundle of joy.

“Those who have children at the appropriate time do not know the extent of God’s favour in their lives. The pain to me is endless. Every day, I take care of other people’s children while I battle to have mine. So many people got married after me and they have more children. Some of them even have countless abortions because they are tired of bearing children when so many people like me are waiting for our day of joy to come. I woke up to insults from those I call my own just because I was yet to have a child I could call mine. I have undergone several medical tests and I am certified to bear children but this is not forthcoming. Although, I believe in God I am being tempted to look elsewhere to have my case settled.

“I have prayed, I have fasted, I have given alms, I have even given sacrificially but all these have yielded no result. I have gotten to a point of desperation because I am tired!” She said in an emotion-laden voice.

A 48-year-old fashion designer, Mrs Folake Adeoye while sharing her experience noted that she is hopeful of having her child despite all she is going through.

According to her; “I don’t even know where to start from because I have gone through a lot. Recently, I was attacked by my husband’s family because they wanted him to get another wife to give birth to children for him. I have undergone a lot of medical tests and I am certified to give birth to children. I have attended church programmes but my in-laws are making life unbearable for me. Some few years ago, they charmed my husband and he impregnated a lady. It was when it happened that my husband regained his consciousness. Thank God for the kind of mother-in-law I have, she has never supported others in making life difficult for me. She keeps encouraging me. They have called me a barren woman severely. I have cried, I am still crying and I will continue to cry to God to take away this reproach. Anyone who isn’t in my shoes will never understand. A lot of ladies/women out there want to marry my husband hence, they are using a lot of tactics to accomplish their mission both spiritual and physical. Recently, I was sick and according to findings, it was an attack from a woman who wished to have my husband. Food doesn’t even taste like one when eating. Several suicidal thoughts have crossed my mind lately but I hope I don’t just lose it one day. The experience is becoming unbearable.”

A 35-year-old Modupe Otetubi told The Hope that her seven-year waiting period was like a thousand years as her father-in-law was a thorn in the flesh all through the period.

According to her; “I had my first child a few months ago but one of the traumatizing moments I had was when my father-in-law visited me in the hospital while I was sick and he told me to stop wasting his son’s money on sickness instead of on children. He told me that he would have been elated to come down to the hospital to see his grandchild instead of seeing me without a child on the bed. He said terrible things to me that the nurses had to prevent him from seeing me all through my stay at the hospital. To shock you, he gave me an ultimatum to have a child for my husband or risk losing my marriage. My parents were devastated when they heard and tried all they could to save my marriage. My father took me to a lot of places. Even though we are Christians, we went everywhere. In the process, my father died but I am grateful because before he closed his eyes to death, I informed him of my pregnancy and he died smiling.”

A 52-year-old businesswoman, Mrs. Deborah Adebiyi said that her hope is in God despite the temptations around her.

According to her, she can never be barren as she has received a lot of God’s promises concerning bearing children.

“I have known God for decades now and I know that He owns me, He will make me happy.”

Speaking further as she tries to hide her teary eyes, she said; “I have lost count of the number of naming ceremonies I have attended. I have encouraged and challenged people about their situation some have said to my face to deny God and try other gods but I have this firm belief that God cannot fail. Medically, I have fulfilled my part alongside my husband but I believe that it is just a test from Satan. I must confess that it has not been easy. The children I attended their naming ceremony are now giving birth to children. I have been called terrible names even by my people. Everywhere I turn, I see a lot of children but no one to call me one. I know that one day, my God will answer me.

A 45-year-old, Mrs Bukola Omolere said that her situation has become shameful as her extended family hasn’t given her a breathing space recently.

“My mother called me to insult me. She has told me severally that I am the one working against myself. Countless times, she has given me a concoction to use which I had refused. Although my husband is bothered about my situation, he has been the one encouraging me to stick to God. I have heard severally that God can never fail, but in my situation, I’m beginning to give room to doubt because I am on the verge of breaking, this burden is no longer bearable.” She said.

According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), infertility affects millions of people – and has an impact on their families and communities. Estimates suggest that approximately one in every six people of reproductive age worldwide experience infertility in their lifetime.

In the male reproductive system, infertility is most commonly caused by problems in the ejection of semen, absence or low levels of sperm, or abnormal shape (morphology) and movement (motility) of the sperm.

In the female reproductive system, infertility may be caused by a range of abnormalities of the ovaries, uterus, fallopian tubes, and the endocrine system, among others.

According to an online publication by Cleveland Clinic, the main sign of infertility is being unable to get pregnant after six months or one year of regular, unprotected sex. You may not have any other symptoms. But some people may show physical symptoms such as pelvic or abdominal pain, irregular vaginal bleeding, irregular periods or no periods, penile disorders, or issues with ejaculation.

There are many causes of infertility and studies show that 33 percent of infertility involves the partner with a uterus and ovaries, 33 percent of infertility involves the partner with a penis and testicles, and 33 percent of infertility involves both partners or is unexplained.

Twenty-five percent of infertile couples have more than one factor that contributes to their infertility including age, particularly being in their late 30s or 40s. For men, age begins affecting fertility closer to 50.

Others include; eating disorders, including anorexia nervosa and bulimia, excessive alcohol consumption., exposure to environmental toxins, such as chemicals, lead, and pesticides, over-exercising, radiation therapy or chemotherapy, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), smoking, and using tobacco products. (This behavior plays a role in about 13 percent to 15 percent of infertility cases.), substance abuse, obesity or  underweight, abnormalities of the hormone-producing centers of your brain (hypothalamus or pituitary), and chronic conditions and diseases