With Josephine Oguntoyinbo

In a world where societal pressures and beauty standards often define a girl’s self-worth, it’s essential to raise daughters who look beyond physical appearance.

In a society where selfies dominate timelines and beauty filters have become modern-day masks, it’s easy to believe that a girl’s worth is skin-deep. But beyond the glow of ring lights and the illusion of perfection lies a deeper truth: we must raise girls who see more than the mirror—girls who see purpose, potential, and power.

     From new trends, society sells a narrow definition of beauty. By the age of ten, many girls have already absorbed the message that their appearance is their most valuable asset. This message is echoed in compliments that focus solely on how “pretty” they look and in media that rewards aesthetics over achievements.

     The mirror has become a measure of self-worth for too many young girls. It’s not the mirror itself, but what we’ve trained them to look for in it.

   What if, instead, we taught girls to look beyond? To see the reflection of a problem solver, a leader, an innovator? To value curiosity over curves, confidence over contour?

   Parents, educators and media creators all have a role to play. Encouraging girls to explore science, politics, arts, sports and technology helps them develop identities rooted in capability, not appearance. When a girl is praised for her ideas, her resilience, and her kindness,not just her looks,she begins to understand that her value lies far beyond the frame of a mirror.

     Representation matters. When girls see women excelling in diverse fields, it opens up new mental mirrors. It tells them, “You can be this too.”Tell your daughters that being beautiful is not their life’s ambition. Tell them stories of women who build, who heal, who lead. That’s the mirror they should look into.

    Changing the narrative starts with small, intentional shifts.Parents can balance compliments about looks with praise for effort and intelligence.

    Teachers can create classrooms where every girl feels seen and heard for who she is, not how she looks. Media professionals can challenge stereotypes by creating characters and stories that reflect the full range of girlhood.

  Imagine a girl standing before a mirror: she adjusts her glasses, not her hair; she checks her ideas, not her eyeliner. She smiles,not because the world has validated her beauty,but because she knows who she is. She is not confined by her reflection; she is empowered by her vision. That’s the kind of girl we must raise,girls who don’t just see their faces in the mirror, but their futures. A girl who sees more than the mirror is a woman who will change the world.

   In a chat with Mrs. Bola Olorunwa, a guidance counselor, she emphasised that a girl who defines herself only by her appearance is left emotionally, mentally and socially vulnerable.

   “Beauty fades, but identity rooted in purpose endures. Girls need to see themselves as whole beings—intelligent, resilient, spiritual, capable of shaping their world. That’s how they grow into confident women who don’t wait for validation from others.”

    According to her, early signs that a girl is becoming overly focused on her looks include:“You’ll notice her mood is tied to how she looks, or she becomes obsessed with filters, likes, and trends. She may withdraw if she doesn’t feel pretty enough, or constantly seek approval through appearance. These are warning signs that her self-worth is being shaped by the mirror, not by meaningful self-awareness.”

    She advised parents and guardians to intervene positively: “Affirm who she is beyond beauty: her kindness, her ideas, her strength. Create space for her to explore her interests and passions. Avoid using beauty as a reward. Instead of saying ‘You look so pretty today,’ say ‘You were so thoughtful today,’ or ‘I’m proud of how you handled that challenge.’ It changes her self-narrative.”

    She also highlighted the role of schools:

“Schools must go beyond academics and actively teach emotional intelligence, leadership, and media literacy. When girls are taught to ask questions like ‘Who am I outside of what I see?’ they develop an inner compass that guides them through peer pressure and societal expectations.”

   “You don’t just raise girls to be admired, you raise them to be aware, equipped, and fearless. The mirror should reflect her face, but her heart and mind should reflect her values, dreams, and faith. Let’s build girls who know their worth, whether or not anyone is looking.Every girl is a story in progress. Help her write one where beauty is just a paragraph,not the title.”

Ways to Empower Girls Beyond Appearance:

1. Focus on inner qualities. Emphasise kindness, empathy and resilience.Teach girls that their worth lies in their character, actions, and relationships. Encourage self-expression by supporting their passions, interests and individuality.

2. Promote positive role models:

Introduce girls to strong, confident women who embody intelligence, compassion and leadership. Discuss media representation and highlight diverse roles and achievements of women.

3. Foster a Growth Mindset: Praise effort, not just appearance.Acknowledge hard work, perseverance, and progress. Encourage exploration and problem-solving.

4. Build Self-Awareness: Openly discuss body image and the importance of self-acceptance.Help girls develop a positive self-image by acknowledging their strengths and accomplishments.

Practical Tips for Parents and Mentors

*Be a role model: Demonstrate self-acceptance and confidence in your own life.

*Avoid negative self-talk: Girls often pick up on how adults speak about their bodies or others.

*Praise character over beauty: Highlight qualities like courage, thoughtfulness and determination.

*Encourage challenges and risk-taking:  Let girls try new things and learn through failure and success.

*Discuss media critically: Talk openly about unrealistic beauty standards and encourage media literacy.

* Promote empathy:  Help your daughter build strong, meaningful relationships and care about others.

 By raising girls who see more than the mirror, we empower them to become confident, compassionate, and capable individuals who will make a lasting impact on the world. They won’t just grow up to be admired,they’ll grow up to lead, build, and transform. And it all begins with teaching them to see who they really are beyond the reflection.