By Maria Famakinwa
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Mrs. Deboye (not real name), who accused her husband of raping her had reported him to one of his friends. She revealed that her husband’s inability to tame his sexual urge made him to forcefully had his way most times even when she pleaded with him to show understanding.
Her husband (Mr Deboye), in his response claimed that his wife denied him his conjugal right despite not lacking in his role as the family head. He said that he could not continue to die in silence, saying that his wife was in the habit of giving excuses most times he has urge for sex which made him to force her when he could no longer bear it.
His words: “I think I have tried enough and should be commended. I cannot stand the temptation of looking at my wife with her beautiful shape without enjoying what is naturally mine. At times, I will wait for three weeks or a month before having my woman. It is when I am tired of dying in silence that I will force my way through. After we are done, she would accuse me of raping her even though she equally enjoyed it. She started this behaviour after giving birth to our second child. She is denying me sex because she doesn’t want to give birth again. I equally agree that we are okay with two children but that is not enough reason to starve me sexually,” he lamented.
The Hope spoke with some couples if it was possible for a husband to rape his wife. A civil servant, Mr Akinola Mike, hinted that there was nothing like rape between legally married couples and advised any partner who was not living up to his marital expectations especially in the area of sexual satisfaction to up his /her game.
He said: It is annoying for either of the couple to deny each other sex, not even during this cold weather. The body calls for sex naturally. Let anyone give it any name, I don’t care. Once I need my wife, she must be there for me. If she refuse, I will force her because I cannot stand without sex for weeks. Sex is a bond between couples and the best way to express love. If my wife can bring in another woman for me, she is free, but if not, let her play her expected role without delay or complain, when she is not sick. There is nothing like rape between husband and wife. They both signed and vowed to satisfy each other sexually,” he said.
An artisan, Mrs. Dupe Alade, who argued that some men rape their wives added that once a man forced his wife to have sex , it is rape because the wife did not agree to it willingly.
Her words: “There are some married women whose husbands forced them into sexual act. Though they are not expected to deny their husbands, there are times that they will not be ready for it. This is when the husbands should show understanding, but some men will not want to consider their wives’ mood. Instead, they will force them and have their ways. A neighbour of mine is facing this challenge. The husband is always demanding for sex without listening to any excuse. Her husband forced her to accept it which is tantamount to rape.”
In the submission of a lawyer, Gabriel Omoyajowo, he defined rape as forcefully having unlawful carnal knowledge of a woman without her consent. He said that the issue of rape between legally married couples was not tenable because they understood what marriage entails before they agreed to be joined in a holy matrimony.
His words: “If the woman involved is not his wife, then it is rape. But if it is between husband and wife, it is not rape. Under the marriage act, the husband and wife when they are married they are seen as one. Once a woman go to the altar with a man and say “I do”, anything happening in a marriage must be done. As far as I am concerned, there is no way a man will rape his legal wife who they share the same bed together. Or what do you expect to happen in bed between a legally married couple? The issue of rape has no basis between a husband and wife,” he said.
In the contribution of a medical doctor, Mrs. Wumi Osuji, who admitted that it was rare for a man to rape his legal wife warned that if such happened, it could affect the woman’s health. She said: “If it actually happens, one of the medical effects such can have on the woman is that she may develop a psychological problem or total mental disorder because she will never imagine having such an experience. It can even develop into serious psychiatric problem if the situation is not quickly managed,” she warned.
The medical practioner advised that there should be understanding between couples. Though they are married, men should note that it is not every time, they demand sex from their wives that their wives can give consent.
A pastor in Shield of Faith Evangelical Ministry, Mr Adeolu Oluponmile, stated that in every marriage, the two parties involved have access to conjugal rights. While describing marriage as a union between a man and his wife with exclusion of their extended families, he stressed that the issue of a man raping his wife does not arise in a godly home. “A woman who says because her husband has failed in redeeming his promises of meeting her needs, that she also would deny him sex in return is wrong.
“Sex should not be a weapon a spouse must use against his/ her partner in marriage. Any man or woman who indulges in using sex as a weapon in the matrimony is not responsible. For a man to have raped his wife, it must be under the influence of alcohol or the wife denying him sex severally. Unless on the ground of sickness, none of the parties has the right to deny his /her spouse.
“We once intervened in the case of a woman who reported her husband for raping her. When we listened to the husband’s side of the story, we realised that for nine months, the woman had been starving her husband of sex and the husband being a God fearing man instead of sleeping around locked himself up with his wife and refused to open the door until the woman allowed him because she was getting late to work. Only for the woman to come and report her husband for forcefully having his way with her.
“The woman was counselled and she realised that she was at fault and made the necessary adjustment. Things like this can break a home if it is not well managed. It was during the counseling we realised that the woman denied her husband sex for nine months because she claimed that he offended her. The level of sexual urge differs and couples should be careful of using sex as a weapon in marriage,” he advised.
