Can you forgive your wife’s infidelity?
By Kemi Olatunde
Infidelity, to be factual, is a form of betrayal especially sexual infidelity. Although it does not signal an end of love in marriage but certainly causes a lot of heartbreak to the betrayed spouse.
A marriage can indeed survive an extra-marital affair. But, this will only happen if both partners are willing to acquire and use the skills necessary to make their marriage work. It’s possible to heal from infidelity. Although the pain and grief can be intense, If couples are willing to work on the infidelity issues, their relationship can be restored.
A bike man, Oladele Ajayi explained that he can only forgive a cheating wife if it is done once describing it as a mistake.
“I believe that nobody is above mistakes, I have never imagined my wife doing such. Besides, I may be the cause if she finds herself in such a situation. I think the best thing to do is to ask for the reason behind her action and if I observe from her response that I am responsible for it, I will amend my ways.
“There is no justification for it in African society but as a man, I may not have been satisfying her in bed and if this is the case, I will seek medical help to have her all to myself as sex is very crucial in marriage,” he said.
A 46-year-old photographer, Olusegun Josiah noted that any woman who indulges in such must be put away, noting that it will disrupt the trust in the woman.
“According to my wife, she was faithful in her past relationships before we met and that was one of the reasons I got married to her. I must confess, if she does it and I get her, I will never forget, hence, I can never forgive her.
“She has presented herself as one who can never be involved in such an act and if she acts otherwise, that will be the end. Why will my wife even do it? To her, sex means nothing and she is not crazy about it. I will be extremely disappointed in her if she does that anyway, “he explained.
A civil servant who craved anonymity said that there is no room for forgiveness in such a situation, stating that he can not share his wife with another man.
The 46-year-old man who attributed a lot of factors to the cause of the act shared his experience with The Hope.
“I used to know a nurse back then after my secondary school education in Owo who took me like a brother. On this fateful day, she told me to visit her to help her with some chores. The husband then was far away in another country. I got to her house and we watched a movie together after which she came close to me and we had sex. I lost my virginity that day and it continued for years until I left her vicinity. It was so bad to the extent that when I gained admission into the higher institution, she ensured that I had no girlfriend as she gave me close monitoring.
“The nurse was pushed to the wall as the husband was not around to satisfy her sexual need then. A woman who indulges in it may do it unintentionally; some do it to care for their children especially when the husband is not responsible. A woman may also indulge in it due to temptation as some men don’t touch their wives and the woman needs a man’s touch to be alright, hence, she goes out to find an alternative. I know of a woman who invited a man to her matrimonial home to sleep with her.”
A furniture maker, Saliu Adigun said that adultery is not enough to put one’s wife away especially when she is reserved.
“There is no big deal in it, after all, men too are not saints. I am not encouraging women to be loose but I think there is no reason a man should not forgive his wife caught in the act. She may be tempted to do it especially when the man isn’t sexually active.
A lawyer who prefers not to appear in print said; ” it is very difficult to forgive my wife if found guilty because I will never trust her again. She has no reason to do it but for me, if I get her, I will not forgive her as it will reduce my love for her even if she has given birth to a dozen children for me. I will push her away far from me.”
A male nurse who spoke on the condition of anonymity said that no real man forgive and forget such an act, stating that men are more jealous.
According to him; “If I know about it, I can divorce my wife so as not to die untimely. I can even avoid being intimate with her, I would rather go out and get sexy ladies to satisfy my sexual urge. The Bible restricts a woman to a man alone hence, on no account should a woman indulge in such. There is no benefit in it for the woman. When you talk about men having extramarital affairs, most times, it is to help the woman at home as she may not be able to withstand the pressure from the husband. It is abnormal for a woman to have extramartial affairs but for men, it is normal. No man wants to share his woman with anybody, hence, it is difficult to forgive my wife in such an instance.”
A journalist (names withheld) said; This appears to be a big and very sensitive question. However, It is unfortunate, that these days, most ladies venturing into marriage do so out of love, but because age is no longer on their side, hence they end up marrying men they do not love. And if a lady marries out of genuine love, then, how would she respect her home or even her husband? Under such a situation, she falls cheaply for men who she finds out to be richer than her husband and would easily be lured away with ephemeral stuff.
“If I find out that my wife is cheating on me, well, that would signal an end to the marriage and I will take further steps to carry out DNA test on my children if she had any for me. Even, the Holy Bible frowns at such an act. According to Numbers 5:27; ‘if she has made herself impure and been unfaithful to her husband, this will be the result: When she is made to drink the water that brings a curse and causes bitter suffering, it will enter her, her abdomen will swell and her womb will miscarry, and she will become a curse’.
“I think it is safer to quit such marriage rather than for the man to risk his life by trying to forgive her.”
Duro Emoruwa who is over 70 years old and is 40 years in marriage said that it is not easy to forgive a woman in such a situation except in rare circumstances.
According to him; “I take after my God because my God is very jealous. Nobody can forgive like that as men are jealous elements. However, a man can forgive if he is sure that she will not repeat it. If the issue is being raised with her and she tries to defend herself, I will never forgive her because I believe that she will do it over and over again.”