By Maria Famakinwa

Mrs Edoi (not real name) decided to do the needful after listening to restitution sermon by telling her husband that she cheated on him while he was away for three years living her with their four kids.
According to her, providing for the children’s needs became so difficult that she fell for a man who shouldered her responsibility. Five years later, she opened up to her husband at mid night to beg for his forgiveness and set herself free of personal guilt as she narrated her ordeal with a teary eyes. ”It was a terrible mistake I made, my husband became mad immediately pulling at his hair with his hands, I ran out around 2a.m for my safety to a neighbour’s room yet, I still heard my husband shouting. All efforts by our pastors and other men of God to plead with my husband on my behalf proved abortive as he told them to advice me to steer clear of him because he does not want to commit murder, but my consolation is that I am free of the guilt.”
The Hope spoke with some married women if it was wise to confess to one’s husband if one cheated. A trader, Mrs Tinu Thompson, opined that there was nothing wrong telling one’s husband that one cheated if only to have unhindered relationship with God and the man himself.
When asked what if the woman lose the marriage said,” The most important thing is that one have peace with God instead of nursing guilt and dying in silence. Besides, the woman should have prepared for any eventuality before taking such step. If it is what can set the woman free from self bondage, why not open up and be free.?”
Sharing a similar sentiment, a self employed woman, Mrs Deyo Lea, also maintained that it was right to tell one’s husband if one cheated, doing so according to her will pacify the man that the woman regretted her action and will boost the level of trust he has for his wife. She said,” Common knowledge has it that the more honest you are with your partner, the better your relationship will be.”
”I believe sincerity and integrity are important values to live with and are the foundation of good, stable and lasting relationships, so, revealing to a partner about a hurtful mistake will earn the woman her husband’s trust and at the same time free her conscience.”
Reacting differently, a teacher, Mrs Dolu Olaitan, warned against taking a step that would latter boomerang stressing that no African man, Nigeria especially can accept such. ”That is a foolish step to take. How can I walk up to my husband that I mistakenly cheated on him in the name of restitution? What kind of stupid restitution is that? When we treated restitution in my church, we were made to understand that not everything could be restituted. Even the Bible says that blessed is the person who handle issues with wisdom. This is one of such issues being referred to.
“We should also be educated on the fact that the country’s laws regarding marriage favours men than women. That is why a man can proudly tell his wife that he cheated with another woman and nobody will raise eye brow, but if the same man get to know that his wife is making strange calls, it will take a divine intervention for the home to survive. God is the only person to reveal issue like this to and not even your pastor because they are human too. We need to be properly guided before taking any decision now that spousal killings are on the rise. The man you think is gentle and harmless will turn a lion within a second if his woman tells him another man slept with her. God save the woman if she escape being killed.”
Also, a newly wed, who gave her name as Blessing, hinted that any woman who disclose such sensitive secret to her husband based on whatever reason should be ready for the dire consequences as she revealed that men are more jealous than women. She said,”Do you know that men rival their male children if their wives shower more attention on them at their expense? Then, imagine how they will react if they get to know that their wives cheated. Disclosing such is not spirituality, but utmost madness. If at all the woman survive the incident, she will live the rest of her life regretting, even the Bible talk about people perishing for lack of knowledge. We should be wise.”
In the contribution of a marriage counselor, Mrs Bidemi Ebilayo, condemned the act of cheating on one’s partner but advised that spiritual counseling is needed for any woman who cheated and want to open up. The woman who further revealed that not everything could be restituted advised women to apply wisdom in any step they want to take.
Her words:” Involving in infidelity in a union can ruin a marriage if not properly handled. My experience as a marriage counselor over the years shows that it is only two out of thirty Nigerian men can accept such with any woman, not even the so-called men of God. That is why victims of such need to seek right counsel. You need to ask yourself if your marriage can survive after telling your husband. Bear it in mind that the man you think showers love on you might change immediately if told that his wife involved in sexual immorality with another man. If the woman cannot guarantee the safety of her marriage if she opens up to her husband, I can only advice that such woman go to God and seek for forgiveness and never ever do such again.’