By Maria Famakinwa

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It is generally believed that when couples are joined in holy matrimony, a lot of changes have to be made for the home to enjoy peace and harmony. One of  such change is that the bride will cease to bear her maiden name (father’s name)and adopt her husband’s name.

Many believe that this act is not only traditionally acceptable but spiritually right. Yet happenings across the country today showed  that some women still find it hard to let go of their fathers’ names which they use as compound names along with their husbands’ names. Some men frowned at this and regarded such as an aberration and disrespect to societal ethics of marriage.

Some women have had to go to court to retain their maiden names which has also led to the break up of some marriages because many men want to stand against anything that calls their authority to question. How then do men feel when a woman uses her maiden name? Why do some women still retain their father’s names after marriage?

A social worker, Mrs Rachel Oludahunsi, explained that men generally believe that if their wives use their maiden names, it is an affront to their personality as the head of the home. She said: “Men are always of the opinion that once their wives are using their maiden names, it affects their ego and reduces their importance as the family head”.

Oludahunsi, further observed that the story would not have been the same should the woman in question come from a wealthy home.” If a man marries a woman whose father is highly influential in society, such a man may not raise an eyebrow if his wife chooses to use her maiden name. Some men even marry women because of their parents’ position and their status in society. There are women whose parents are in positions of authority across the country and they are still using their maiden names. Yet, their husbands never see anything wrong in it because it is an opportunity for the man to get connected to the movers and shakers in the country. “

In the submission of a civil servant, Mrs. Adebimpe Enitan, the issue of using a maiden name after the marriage has been so serious that marriage counselors need to further educate newly married couples on it. She said: “Most women do not attach any significance to it but, for some, it becomes a personal struggle, especially career-oriented professionals who have worked hard to establish themselves and whose names are respected and widely recognized in their fields.”

On her stand on the issue, she opined that marriages come with understanding and compromise which couples should not shy away from.” However, men generally often feel that their pride is wounded once a woman starts using her maiden name. What will happen if the woman’s career and credibility which took years to build are affected if she decides not to use her maiden name?

“Most career women already made their maiden names before they got married and will prefer to use them for continuity, convenience, and to avoid confusion with customers or clients. In these exceptional cases, couples need to reach an agreement.”

On if she uses her maiden name, Enitan, said: “ I did not because I am a civil servant and will not have any genuine reason to do so unlike some career women.” She however noted that giving the excuse of using your maiden name because of keeping the family name and identity is wrong and not tenable and may lead to misunderstanding among couples.

Speaking differently, Mr Sunday Adewale another civil servant fumed at such development blaming it on civilization which he observed has affected every aspect of our lives. He asked: “How can a woman who was asked to sign off her father’s name for the last time during the marriage ceremony still have the guts to continue with the name?

“It is like saying ‘I do’ to your husband and ‘I do not’ to his name. It is pride on the side of the woman and such marriage is heading for the rocks. Retaining your maiden name after marriage is like striping your man of his sense of dignity.

Any woman who still retains her maiden name after marriage does not only sin against the man but also against God. God instituted marriage and said that they are one. Once a woman has been given to a man in holy matrimony, then, she bears everything the man stands for, ” he stressed.

On if the woman is from a wealthy and influential home and retains her maiden name as a sign of respect for her parents, he said:” Even If I marry a president’s daughter, she must not use her maiden name since she cannot marry her father.

Even Michelle Obama did not use her maiden name despite her popularity. Women who use their maiden names are not submissive to their husbands and are also promoting men as second-class citizens. Besides, any man that marries a woman because of her parent’s popularity does not marry because of true love and once the parents of the woman cease to be popular, that marks the end of the union,” he warned.

An educationist, Mr Kayode Adedipe, who also shared a similar view with Mr Adewale expressed that any legally married woman who still retains her maiden name is indirectly telling her husband that he is not up to the task and not man enough and can at any time go back to her father’s house. He asked: “Does it imply that the wife’s children will also include her maiden name? If no, then there is going to be a division in that home.”

On some women using their maiden names because of business, he said: “It is not enough excuse because business partners, customers, clients are not ignorant to the fact that once a woman is legally married, ceases to retain her father’s name. Not even widowhood should propel a legally married woman to use her maiden name while she is still under the man’s roof unless she re-marries and changes to the name of her new spouse as the culture of the land dictates.

“How many women who use their maiden names because they are from wealthy and influential homes today are still with their spouses? No sane man can allow such because any home where the woman uses her maiden name after the man had paid all the bride price will soon break up, ” he warned.