Do values matter in marriage?
By Josephine Oguntoyinbo
The above is a great question that is often avoided or left unanswered. Our values are the fundamental blocks of our lives; they give us clarity, focus and are the driving force behind our behavior.
To this end, the woman and her partner need to discuss their core values before walking down the aisle together .Some couples just find themselves in a fruitless, stagnant, unhappy marriage and choose to accept it as their luck in life when often the problems can be fixed by defining, understanding, reconciling, and implementing your values.
When it comes to the area of value, there are two ways in which it manifest in a relationships, the first is what is right and what is wrong, a lot of times when people are thinking about relationship, they are thinking about what does this person think to be right or do they think to be wrong, do we share the same religious, political, economical, and moral values?
But there is another way in which values manifest themselves as well and that is a question of what matters to you, it is not necessarily a question of what is right or what is wrong, but what do you think is right for you as a couple.
The woman must ascertain whether the man share the same belief or value with her or not and also consider the other aspect of value ,which is what matters to them and those around them .That is the crucial issue that many do not address.
Our values are so crucial to how we go about living our lives because our values determine where to spend our time ,how we spend our energy, how we spend our money and so on.
Therefore, if you get married to someone whose values are fundamentally different from yours, then ,that could be a frontier that you would constantly have clashes act, even in religious belief, it was established that “Do two people work hand -in-hand if they are not going to the same place? so how does this practically play out in marriage if they are not going in the same direction and want to live together.
One of you must equally let go of his or her values if your relationship is going to work, that is what you need to consider whether it is right or it is wrong ,because for some people, what is right for them is that they just want to live a quiet life and a godly life. For other people, they want to go out there and achieve, maybe in the area of academics, politics, ministry, business and so on, whatever it might be, you need to marry someone who shares those values with you if you want to arrive at the destination God wants you to be.
Relationship cannot strive if your vision and plans are different from that of your partner, hence the need for couples to endeavour to plan and work together to achieve a common goal.
An Akure based counsellor, Mrs Tola Famuyide while speaking with feminine line on this topic described values as the belief of a person or social group in which they have an emotional investment either for or against.
She listed what values is to a successful relationship to include, dealing proactively with issues, maintaining a sense of accountability between you and your spouse ,drive your daily behavior inside and outside the home, dictate the way your relationship with your spouse, Parent, in-law, and children work.
She added that our values are the reflection of our faith and will keep us and our spouse going and in the right step through some of the most challenging trials in marriage and will also give us more fulfilled and satisfying life and marriage.
She affirmed that it takes grace, honesty ,loyalty, patience, communication and forgiveness to achieve the same mission and vision in a relationship.
She posited that for a relationship to work, couples must be intentional, empathetic, be patient, and pray together.
Mrs Famuyide stressed that the hardwork we put in our relationship will not only reflects positively in our marriages but will also have impact on our children and their marriages.