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Do you prefer to be the wife or the mistress?

By Florence Nwosu

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Few months ago, a challenge on “wife vs side chick” in which ladies post collaged pictures of them, making the ‘side chick’ alluring and adorable whereas the ‘wife’ appears despicable was trending all over social media. At a first glance, the message being passed by such is that it is way better to be a ‘side chick’, ‘mistress’, or ‘the other woman’ rather than being a wife. Through that act, some believed that ladies are the core reason or motivation behind the terrible things found in many homes which arises as a result of the promiscuous acts of men, as they averred that humans naturally, would opt for something better. This brings us to question some ladies on which status they would rather prefer; being a wife or a mistress.
On grounds of anonymity, a former mistress who absconded from her affair after discovering that her lover was married, stated that she prefers being the wife because of guilt that accompanies being a mistress. Her words, “Guilt is the permanent ghost that accompanies a mistress throughout the entire affair and afterward; this happens when people talk about cheating spouses, when her lover chooses to spend time with her on a weekend knowing there is a wife and possibly even children waiting at home, etc; though many mistresses are totally unaware that their lover is married because many men go to great lengths to hide the fact that they are married”. Continuing, she stated that unless a woman is a sociopath, she feels guilty for crossing the line just like any normal human would and that mistresses are just like any other woman in the world, thus no need to vilify them.
The views of an Educator and Fashion Designer, Temilolu Oladipupo are that she would entirely stay off from a relationship rather than being a mistress because there is no reason for her to get into a relationship that has no future with anyone. “I would rather be a wife than a mistress because I can’t see a reason to be dating just for dating sake; If one wants to date, they should endeavor to do so with purpose”. Speaking further, she stated that one thing that many mistresses out there crave more than anything is validation that her relationship with her lover is real as sneaking around in secrecy is not the ideal for having a healthy relationship and she does not see herself indulging in such thereby begging for validation.
There is no doubt that a mistress feels envious that her lover’s relationship with his wife is not a secret to the world like hers most likely is, but to a young entrepreneur who wants to be addressed as Sugar, she would rather be the mistress than the wife because she understands what men go through in trying to keep their job and family together, especially when the wife nags and none of them are willing to put efforts into the relationship anymore. Her words; “The double life that comes with having a mistress is one of the few things keeping most men from pulling a trigger and killing themselves because what they are experiencing in their marriages is not the life they bargained for, I love being the new woman who breathes life back into a man’s existence, because to me, this is more like giving someone a reason to live”.
Following the same line of thought, a single mother of one, Confidence Oghoghor expressed her willingness to be the mistress, “A man may love his mistress because of the momentary pleasure she gives him, but in return he takes care of her bills and the likes; also, a man is different with his mistress even if he does the same things he does with his wife, he cares for his mistress more than he cares for his wife, so I prefer being the one that receives the greater care and attention as the case may be”, she opined.
Another lady who gave her name as Theresa Imuetinyan, a stylist and makeup artist said that she cannot deal with the manipulative nature of most men who blame their wives for being a reason for their promiscuous acts and therefore would prefer being a mistress than a wife who is always saddled with the blame of not meeting a man’s needs. “Being a mistress is a far better option for me because I wake up everyday not hearing someone blame me for all their misfortunes, because the wife at home is always the one who gets the whole blame whenever something bad happens to a man not withstanding if it is her fault or not; or have you heard people say that a man didn’t do well because of his mistress? It’s always because of the ‘bad’ woman he married”.
Nwosu served as corps member with Owena Press.

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