Maria Famakinwa writes on medical doctors’ experiences with patients and their feelings when patients die.

Dr. Nelson Ilegbayi (not  real name) was very sad when his 33-year old patient died from the injuries she sustained in a car accident after two weeks of battling to save her life.

     According to the doctor, “I was done with my duties and about to go home to rest when the young lady was rushed to the Accident and Emergency unit. I had no choice but to join the other medical personnel on duty to give the patient all the care needed to save her life. I left when she was a bit stable while other doctors continued to attend to her. Different medical tests were conducted, and treatments were given accordingly. Unfortunately, after two weeks of intense medical care, when we thought she should be getting better, we lost her. She succumbed to the injuries she sustained during the accident. It was quite painful.”

Experiencing the death of a patient can be one of the most challenging aspects of the medical profession. Even though medical doctors do not pray for such events, they do happen. It is even more painful when the patients are young, as in Dr. Ilegbayi’s experience. Some medical doctors who spoke with Weekend Hope revealed their touching experiences of losing their patients.

Physicians grief over losing a patient but we do it differently

Dr. (Mrs) Mariam Isiaka, explained that no medical doctor would be happy to lose patients, especially when the main reason for treating them is to ensure their survival. She added that asking a medical doctor how they feel after losing a patient is like asking a student who failed an examination how he or she feels.

She said: “Every physician grieves over losing a patient, but we do it differently. Even if we don’t weep or cry when any of our patients die, it doesn’t mean that we are happy. Asking medical doctors how they feel when  patients die is like asking students who failed examinations how they feel. It is even better if a student fails an examinations because he or she can resit, unlike losing a life that has no duplicate. It is deeply painful and it affects every part of our being. One of the ethics of our profession is to suppress our emotions, so as not to send the wrong signals to other patients and to enable us to gather enough strength to attend to other patients.

“Mid-last year, I lost one of my patients. I never knew he would die, but his condition relapsed, and he passed away. I became heartbroken and psychologically unbalanced, yet I had to pull myself together to attend to other patients. I was trying to keep my emotions in check when the mother of the deceased patient came, weeping and rolling on the ground, saying that despite selling her land to treat her child, despite taking a loan from the bank and a cooperative, her son eventually died.

“She gripped the clothes of another man whose wife was also on admission, asking him if she was the only one in the world. She started begging the nurses and other doctors to please wake her son. I didn’t know when I betrayed my emotions and started crying. I quickly left the ward to compose myself because it is improper for medical doctors to cry while on duty. Doing so is like telling other patients that their condition is hopeless. We equally feel sad when any patient dies, but we hide it.”

Emotion surrounding patients deaths linger

Sharing a similar view, Dr. Andrew Uwah said that as a medical doctor, he witnesses suffering, critical illness and health deterioration to the end of life. Seeing these things daily affects healthcare providers emotionally and further reminds them of the ephemerality of life because a similar fate awaits us all.

He said: “Though medical professionals may attempt to move on after a patient dies, the emotions surrounding such events linger. Medical doctors have different heart-wrenching experiences with their patients that we cannot count. The joy of the story is when the patient survives, but if otherwise, the doctors and nurses on duty live in deep grief that often becomes difficult to forget. Take, for instance, a child who was rushed to the hospital early this year and it was later discovered that the child was having blood shortage (anaemia) we did all we could to save his life but after all our efforts, the child died.

 “Do you think anyone would be happy especially when you knew that such death could have been averted if the child had been brought days before. It becomes more painful if you have a child of a similar age. I didn’t know when tears started rolling down my cheeks as the boy’s dead body was being taken away, forgetting that other patients were watching me. The death of any patient makes medical personnel feel dejected, sorrowful and in deep pain, because it is something we don’t have power over.

“Doctors and nurses are only human; we have emotions like anyone else. It is really hard to know that you have taken care of a patient to the best of your ability and the patient eventually passed away. Mentally and physically, it drains physicians and nurses.

“My wife understands that anytime I get home and refuse to eat, but instead go straight to my room and shut the door, I have lost a patient. She will be the one to console me and cheer me up. This is the pain most medical practitioners go through daily, but it must not be shown to your patients, who still depend on you for treatment and their well-being.

“We ache as much as the patient’s relatives. We cry rivers inside, but we don’t show it, because we have a long way ahead with the other patients. We don’t pray to see our patients die; we hate to break the news to their loved ones, but if it happens, we summon the courage. The persistence of death at hospitals is an indication of the emotional trauma medical practitioners go through daily. It takes a long time to heal, sometimes, it affects our health because the burden of such pains is indescribable. Hence, the need to support healthcare providers to cope with tragedies such as patients’ deaths, which is critical.”

Anytime medical doctors lose a patient, they lose a part of them

Another healthcare provider, Dr. Olutomi, disclosed that whenever medical doctors lose a patient, they lose a part of themselves every single time.

She said: “It is so hard to understand or find inner peace when a patient dies because every time medical doctors lose a patient, they lose a part of themselves.

“If we lose an elderly patient of 90 years, the pain is less compared to the loss of a younger patient, say in their thirties, where we did everything possible, but they still died. It is never the wish of any healthcare provider because such a memory is difficult to erase, especially when seeing the family members wailing or when the body is being moved to the mortuary.

It is truly a terrible experience. It is disturbing to have a human life depend on the care your team gives, yet the person dies. It is a pain that you can hardly describe with words. Medical doctors feel the pain of losing a patient; we go through agony and grief just like the family of the deceased patient, but we must control it to be able to attend to other patients.”

Our heart bleed when patients die

A nurse, Mrs Wumi Akingbade, revealed that losing a patient is something she cannot properly express with any language due to the harrowing experiences and their impact on her health. The nurse added that the death of patients is a double tragedy for healthcare providers because, aside from losing the patient, the unquantifiable stress exerted to save the patient is also wasted.

She said: “Anytime a patient dies, just check the health providers’ blood pressure (BP), and you will understand better what I am trying to say. It becomes more pathetic when the families of the deceased blame the healthcare providers for the death of their loved ones, forgetting that sick nurses and doctors also die while being treated. There have been reported cases of healthcare workers being beaten up and hospitalised due to the death of patients.

“An elderly woman of 88 years was brought to the hospital last year and died after two weeks. Immediately the woman died, we heard some noises from outside, and we were signaled to run for safety. Both the doctors and nurses on duty took the back door to avoid being lynched. Although the people were later arrested, what would have happened if we had not been informed earlier?

“Our hearts bleed when patients die; it simply means that one’s efforts have failed. Or do you think it is easy to see your patients being wheeled to the morgue? This was someone you treated before, hoping they would get well and be discharged. Then, you start thinking about how to break the sad news to the family, if they haven’t been informed. It is a bit better if the patient is old, but what happens if the patient is still in his or her prime?

 The trauma of seeing ambulances dropping patients at the mortuary daily is not easy to cope with. It affects our psyche and further illustrates life in its simplest form because that is the inevitable end for all mortals. We feel deep pain when losing patients, but we cannot show it so that we can have the strength to attend to others. We are weakened by patients deaths but will not allow it to break us down to protect our mental health.”