By Josephine Oguntoyinbo

Double dating, an act which involves having more than one partner in a romantic relationship, has become a normal norm in our society. Ladies no longer see the need to stay committed to a single partner in a love relationship, but now prefer having options.

While the benefits of having a single partner cannot be overruled, some individuals still believe that having a single partner is putting all of one’s eggs in a basket.To them, this is risky. Consequently, they prefer having more than one lovers.

Double dating is common with both sexes. It might be right and might be wrong, depending on the circumstances that led to it.

According to research, major causes of double dating could be attributed to mistrust between partners, fear of deception, unsatisfied relationships, influence by others, and many more.

Though it depends on how it is perceived, many people believe that double dating is not a mistake but a personal decision and that those engaging in the act know exactly what they are doing.

Feminine spoke with some ladies in separate interviews, and they expressed divergent views on the topic. While some were of the opinion that the action could be triggered by fear of the unknown, especially when there are redflags in a relationship, some believe that there is no justification for it.

A motivational speaker, Mrs Dupe Asaolu, opined that it is not something to be proud of. She posited that those engaging in such may end up with none of the partners, should they eventually get to know about the affair.

She, therefore, advised that to avoid this, people should discover themselves, identify what they like and dislike, set standards on the type of partner they desire to have.

“There’s need for people to work on themselves as well to deserve the value they desire, be equipped, get enlightened, have a healthy self-esteem, be firm in relationships, avoid being desperate, and walk out on time if the person does not meet the criteria expected,” she added.

To Miss Temilola Iwakun, a lifetime commitment should be based on love, adding that people should never go into any relationship out of pity.

She warned,”Do not pity anyone to stick to a relationship that should have long been dissolved, because once either of you finds a better person, double dating is inevitable.”

In her own opinion, Mrs Abiola Fayanju, stressed that unfulfilled love and emotions trigger promiscuity, saying, “It is better to learn to say NO, walk out if not fulfilled, and say it out without being afraid of anything.

“Fear of being abandoned makes people endure bad relationships, and whenever the opportunity presents itself, they double date. Learn to love yourself first, accept yourself, stand up for yourself, speak up for yourself, make demands for what you deserve in a relationship, and give your standard as well. Do your part also, by investing in your relationship.

“You deserve the best just as your partner deserves. Therefore, if you are giving the best and are getting less or not getting anything, make demands for what you think you deserve,” she advised.

An undergraduate student, Tolu Adegeye, who said she would not judge any lady doing such, described double dating as a personal thing.

“These days, one can’t predict the future. Anyone can fall a victim. Everybody cannot be the same. However, it is the person who wears shoes that knows where it pinches.”

However, Mrs. Titilayo Owolabi, frowned at such act, saying there is no justification for double dating. She advised ladies to get something doing and be contented with the little that is coming from it.

Her words, “Dating, in the first place, should be with someone whom God has confirmed to you that he is your life partner. And he must be ready for marriage before you say, Yes,’ to him. Not someone who wants to be using you to pass the time.

“How do people manage to give attention to two different men at the same time? You will tell Mr A, you love him and then tell Mr B, you miss him, thereby building a foundation of lies and deceit, sending the wrong message to the universe.

“There is even a high tendency that these two men may end up leaving because they will find out at last, no matter how smart you are.”

She believed that lack of attention, insecurity, lack of understanding, lies, communication gap, greed, ungodliness, immaturity, ego, peer group, and upbringing, among others, are the major causes.

A fashion designer, Miss Dami Oyinloye, opined that it is allowed for anyone to date more than one man or woman, as long as sex is not involved, emphasizing that it is getting to know some people as friends and learning their characters to see if the relationship can shift to something much better.

“Dating is like a market place to find what suits you. We learn from a car. Always have a spare tyre in case one gets spoilt on the road.

“The truth for married ones, however, is the absence of love and attention. Few women are just not contented. But majority start looking outside when they cannot find happiness”.

Seyi Kolapo posited that double dating is a choice, “Honestly speaking, if you have self-discipline, you will not be a victim of such.

The questions are; “What kind of man do you want? What exactly do you want in your relationship? Are you ready for a relationship now? Are you ready to build that person to your taste? Is he the person, or are you just managing him? If you consider all these and nothing is working, just walk away, instead of deceiving yourself.”

A scientist, Ireti Lawson noted that as a single lady, there is nothing wrong in it until a man proposes and places the ring on your finger. She claimed sometimes, one might double date, just for a platonic relationship, without sexual intimacy.

She said, “Though, I’m not saying that should be the norm. l was once single, but now married. I never double dated. The moment I perceive a relationship would not work, I quit. Before a lady will double date in a relationship, it is  either she is into the relationship for fun, or her partner is misbehaving, unserious, or cheating on her.”

Conclusively, ladies who double date maintained that men push them into it. Some as a result of past experiences of heartbreak, uncertainty (not ready to settle down soon), selfishness, domestic violence, arrogance, cheating, stinginess, among others.