By Kemi Olatunde

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Most people desire to get married to a life partner who will worship them like a ‘mini god’ in their world and as such strife to ensure that the man/woman whom the cap fit to stand in that gap in order to actualise their dream. Most times, things don’t play out the way we want and when it happens this way, life must go on.
A lot of things contribute to separation by parents thus making the children become products of broken homes. Most times, divorce/ separation is the best thing for both party to embrace as they both can deal with it but this becomes difficult when children are involved due to the effects on them.
Speaking with The Hope, a Psychiatrist who craved anonymity said that the effects may depend on the age and understanding of the child(ren) when the home got broken
Speaking extensively on the effects of broken homes on children, she listed guilt (as a child may wonder if he or she caused it) and lack of interpersonal skills with same or opposite gender as the home is usually the first training or learning ground for relationships and interactions, saying “this may affect perception of relationships and gender roles.”
According to her, “this brings us to a close look at the gender roles of a home:
“A father’s role in the home cannot be overemphasized as he is indeed the mirror from which the son is reflected, the hero and model for the daughter. A good father or father-figure gives his children confidence and courage.
“A mother’s role in the home is to help with balance and stability even with the mood of everyone in the home. A mother is the son’s first love and a relationship model. She is the standard to the daughter.
“Also, depending on the age and understanding of the child, a child may feel different from peers who seem to have their parents living together. This may cause low self esteem.
“Children may be abused especially emotionally by parents who may use children to fill their emptiness or void.
At times, the children are used as bait or weapon of control/manipulation between the parents.
“All the above can lead to mental impairment such as anxiety, depression, addiction, personality and even psychotic disorders.”
According to the immediate past Ondo State chairman, Nigerian Medical Association, Dr. Wale Oke, no single parent can take care of the children as expected both morally, healthwise and what have you. “In most cases, the children are indecisive almost in all they do. Some of them end up becoming good citizens but they might have passed through turbulent periods and if they fall in the hands of good guardians.”
A Zonal Pastor with The Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG), Pastor Ademola Folorunso noted that the education of the child could be affected when money is not available adding that most times, the moral lives of the children are affected adversely.
According to him, children from broken homes are likely to have failed marriages because they were brought up with wrong mindset.
Most children from broken home according to the cleric, are at most average citizens economically. They are not likely to have good education or good career.
His words; “they are likely to suffer sexual assault, some have permanent body abnormalities or body damage as the case may be due to poor treatment from foster parents or guardians and many of them have inferiority complex.”
He added that many thugs and robbers are from broken home and noted that there seems to be spiritual troubles for children from broken homes because they don’t normally enjoy the prayers of their parents saying “many suffer spiritual attacks and manipulation.”
However, he added that a few of them, especially those who were teenagers before the break up, that take responsibility of the situation at hand eventually become great though they have to pay great price for it and advised that parents should ensure that their marriages are intact in order to guarantee a better future for their children.
In a chat with a Teacher, Tope Adedayo, a broken home has a drastic effect on the children especially when the parent the children stay with remarries.
Using himself as an example, the middle aged NCE holder explained that maltreatment from the home becomes the order of the day as most of the children automatically becomes slaves in the house.
“My parents broke up while I was in primary school and my father never allowed us to go with our mother. Few months later, he got married to another woman and My siblings and I began another chapter of life.
“On several occasions, we were made to stay out of school to do house chores and as such could not cope with academic works few times we registered our presence in our schools.
“We pulled out from school for a very long time before a good Samaritan came to my rescue. I went back to school and was able to graduate with the help of God. I am currently sponsoring my siblings to further their education.” He said tearfully.
A lecturer who doesn’t want his name in print explained that children get affected the most by separation especially when they are young noting that they mostly suffer from health problems such as headache arising from emotional childhood problem.
According to him, “when divorce occurs, children lack self confidence as their personality change; they no longer feel like they are contended with life. When they lack confidence, they stop mingling with people and begin to isolate themselves thus living in their own lonely world.”
In her contribution, a trader Mrs Yetunde Adeola who stressed the need for parents to be tolerant with each other and also be contented with what they have; noted that children are always at the receiving end when separation occurs.
She noted that education which helps a lot in shaping the future of children, becomes disrupted most times when parents live separately.
She listed stealing, prostitution, and keeping bad companies as some of the ills of broken homes on children.