By Maria Famakinwa

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A mother of three, Mrs Nora Elimo, (not real name) was happy when she attended a training with a Non-Governmental Organisations (NGO) two years ago on how to use female condoms for family planning. The woman who said that they were assured of its safety, and effectiveness without denying them the natural enjoyment disclosed that she stopped using it after two weeks when she no longer felt the relish that sexual intimacy gives.

Her words: “I love sex and I don’t want to have more than the three children have gotten which was the reason I embraced the idea of using the female condom after being educated about its usage and effectiveness. But sincerely speaking, after using it for just a week, I discovered that it affected my sex drive. I mean I didn’t have the urge as much as  before. I asked my sister who invited me to the training about her feeling after using the condom and the story was the same. We then decided to stop using the female condoms before it deny us further sexual pleasures because the only gain you get from sexual intimacy is that enjoyment that makes you ask for more,” she said.

The female condom is one of the seeming scarce commodities in Nigeria unlike the male condoms that can be bought at any kiosk. Online sources described the female condom as a long plastic pouch, usually made of nitrile, a manmade latex-free rubber. The condom goes inside the body during sex and the flexible rings at both ends hold it in place. The condom lines the walls of a vagina and collects semen and other fluids. Besides being scarce, some women who had used female condoms before told The Hope that it denied them sexual gratification and robbed them of the usual palatable experience that only sexual intimacy could offer. Some of them shared their experiences.

A banker, Mrs Ayo Omoseye, who revealed that her husband was against it and warned her against using it with him added that she also didn’t enjoy it. “I used female condom for just two weeks as prevention against unwanted pregnancy since my husband refused using condom but could not continue with it because it made me uncomfortable and affected my sexual drive aside the fact that it is scarce. My husband was confused and asked why was I using it when I was in the early years of my marriage?  He also asked if I was satisfied with two children and he actually wanted to know what I was protecting myself from. I told him that it was to space our children but he became furious and was unsatisfied with my reason.

“My husband also complained bitterly of not getting the usual bedroom feedback, blaming it on the condom I inserted and advised me to stop using it or I sent him out in search of other women. That was the last time I used it  because I was not enjoying it myself but could not talk so as not to aggravate the situation. I observed that using the female condom is like shortchanging oneself because it kills the natural excitement that sexual intimacy offers and makes one look weaker instead of stronger. Sincerely speaking, there is nothing as sweet as skin-skin satisfaction which is the actual experience of a memorable sexual intimacy,” she said.

A public servant, Mrs Yemi Oluyeni, who once used the female condom for a month as family planning measure said that she discontinued it when her sexual satisfaction was dying. “At a point, I began asking myself why was I punishing myself and missing out of the sweet sensation of sexual intimacy? I concluded that female condoms were not suitable for a woman like me who loves good sex as a medicine that cannot be bought in any pharmaceutical shop. Aside the fact that female condoms are scare and expensive, they make sex less pleasurable. It could be likened to having intimacy with a nylon because I don’t feel the ecstasy that comes with normal sex. Why then do we deny ourselves. God given natural feeling and enjoyment that rejuvenate the body? For your information, I don’t allow my husband to use condom either because it contend with the codes that unlock the power of the other room which kills the moment of sexual gratification. The skin to skin sex is the way to go for sexual pleasure that will make one to keep asking for more,” she said.

She also disclosed that female condom not only contend with sexual satisfaction but also waste efforts put in to enjoy the moment. She said: “My experience with female condom was bad and uncomfortable. Using it denied me my moment of enjoyment. We thought that because it was more expensive than the male condoms, it would provide the needed satisfaction but I was wrong. I used it once and I will never use it again. It was as if I was struggling with the already inserted condom which to me diverted all the gains and pleasure I needed for that crucial time. Normally, you get a feedback after good sexual intimacy but it was not the case when I used female condoms. After the whole show, my husband looked so angry and asked me to assess myself. He said he didn’t enjoy a bit of it and I promised him never to use the condom again.

 “It was then I agreed that the importance of sexual satisfaction cannot be undermined in any successful marriage and there is need to guide against anything that could deny the other partner his or her conjugal right and enjoyment if the home must be sustained. Female condoms helps to prevent unwanted pregnancy but it deny one the medicine of sexual pleasure. You feel the touch of a nylon instead of feeling the touch of your partner which naturally imply that the inserted condom gets all the sexual enjoyments. What then is the need for such rigorous activity that one has nothing to show for? The intimacy that sex also offer is being denied. To me, I don’t enjoy using female condoms because it denied me of my man’s enjoyment.”

The experience of a nurse, Mrs Omolola Adulawo, was not different from others. The nurse disclosed that since she used it once, she vowed never to use it again. She said: “I agreed to use it as protection against unwanted pregnancy but I regretted it because it made sex very boring for me. My husband as well did not enjoy it. It was like a wasted effort that make sex sad for both of us. You know that good sex has a way it sends a message and give the feedback to couples, I never received any response or reply from my husband whose mood was also down. Since then, I never consider using female condom as protection against unwanted pregnancy.”

Asked why female condom was scarce she said, “The female condoms are free but it is not popular among women. In fact, you hardly get it at any pharmaceutical shop because of low demand. Besides, it is more expensive to buy compared with male condoms that are everywhere. Also, most women don’t like to use it because the process of putting it on is quite cumbersome I must say. When people come for family planning, they choose other methods and the male condoms but they hardly opt for the female condoms. With my experience about female condoms, I will not advise women to go for it because it kills sexual pleasure and deny one sexual gratification,” she advised.