By Sade Adewale, Ondo

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Your in-laws are a crucial part of your spouse’s life. This makes them a crucial part of your life as well. No one ever said it was easy to balance your needs with the needs of others especially the needs of an entirely new family. But creating family harmony is possible and it is very much worth the effort.
It won’t be easy to build bridges and rebuild some that have been burnt, but you must also realise that it’s a valuable way to spend your time. The return you get on your investment will last the rest of your married life.
Speaking with The Hope, Mr Ayodeji Mamukuyomi said that dealing effectively with in-laws all start with working on conflicts with your spouse.
He added that people should never put spouses in a situation where he or she has to choose between them and a relative. “If you do so, you’re putting your spouse in a nearly impossible bind. Instead, try to understand the bond your spouse has with his or her grandparents, parents, and siblings. If possible, try to support that relationship.”
According to him, it is important to work as a team, and set family values.
He said people should avoid communicating through a third party.” Don’t ask your spouse to talk to his sister or brother about something she did that hurt your feelings rather talk to them directly.”
He further said that a man or a woman should not in any way remake his or herself into the person his or her in-laws want, but should adjust their thinking to reality of any situation.
Mamukuyomi noted that your parents have to love you since it’s natural, but the spouse should accept the fact that their in-laws are not their parents and won’t follow the same rules.
He further explained that spouses should also learn to see the situation from their in-law’s point of view, even though they don’t agree, they should act maturely and play along.
Also speaking, Mrs Ewatomilola Michael said that a spouse needs maturity before he or she can have a good relationship with their in-laws.
She said it takes the grace of God to make it work.”Even if you have to grit your teeth, if there are issues, try to say something nice or keep quiet and smile.”
While adding that cultures and backgrounds may also play a role in how in-law interactions occur,she added that with a good mindset, things will work out.
According to her, if a problem exists that needs to be dealt with; it should be shared with your spouse in a positive, non-defensive way, and without criticism.
She advised spouses to worry less about unsupportive in-laws, saying that some in-laws are destructive to the marital bond or even try to bring down the marriage.
Also, Mr Yinka Adebulumo said some in-law relationships are so notoriously difficult to manage because of their characters.
Adebulumo added that spouses should respect their in-laws no matter how much they get on their nerves. “They might not be the best people to you but at least they gave you the person you love,then if not for anything, respect them for that.”
Mr Bade Sunday said in-laws should be treated well like they are as this makes it much easier to get along.
According to him, Spouses need to think positively and believe in their in-laws because they need their support.
He said woman especially should relax their ego which kills relationships emphasising that spouses should not take anything personal.
Mrs Iyinola Adewolu on her part noted that women especially should open their doors to members of their husband’s family except for the one that has negative thoughts and bad characters.
According to her, “if their visit is not by your invitation, stylishly and diplomatically find out the purpose of their visit and how long they intend to stay and inform your spouse.
“In-law problems are common and often include such issues as control, interference, inconvenience and the clashing of values and traditions. We should not give room for interference in the marriage from the extended family members but seek to have a good relationship with them.