Growing apart in marriage

Growing apart in marriage

By Itunu Oloyede
The worry or fear of becoming strangers can easily add unwanted stress to your marriage, and the worse part of it is that when your spouse notice it, it is obvious that you are growing apart.

A lot of couples are experiencing this disconnect. They have drifted apart and each seemed to be able to live without the other. This is a dangerous point in any relationship. However, it is how you respond to the situation and what you do about it that matters.

Growing apart in marriage is a terrifying experience that happens slowly over a period of time. It could range from a few months to many years. It can be the little everyday decisions you make or the fact that you stop doing little things like showing appreciation towards your spouse.

From individual experience and several conversations, the major reason for drifting apart from your spouse is because you stop connecting with him or her in everything you do.

And when life gets busy, family conflicts, work obligations, health issues, loss of balancing friends and your marriage etc. can contribute to drifting apart from your spouse.

However, there are signs that show that you are drifting apart from your spouse.

These include lack of communication with your spouse, lack of emotional connection, getting irritated or annoyed frequently with your spouse, when your spouse is not giving you any attention and when you feel something is missing in your marriage.

For example, a sexless marriage certainly shows that you are growing apart from your spouse. The longer it lasts, the further you will grow apart.

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Now the question is, Is it normal to grow apart in marriage? The answer is no, because, growing apart from your spouse is not healthy for your marriage.

As humans, we are naturally going to get pulled in different directions as we move through life. Our interests, priorities and opinions change over time. Remember your spouse is not be the same person you married, after some years of your marriage you should ensure that you continue to understand each other.

In fact, growing apart after marriage is probably one of the silent things that could destroy your marriage.

There are some couples who fight and criticize each other so often that they do not care to spend time with each other again. They prefer more time apart than together. Spending quality time doing an activity with your spouse is one of the things that help couples connect strongly.

You just have to be intentional about choosing, learning and discovering new things about your spouse, so that you can grow together and not apart.

If you are not growing together in your marriage, you cannot be on the same page about life. Also, if you are not on the same page, your goals may be different and you will grow apart.

To this end, it is not too late to redress the damage done in your marriage through necessary adjustment and by facing the reality.

 Oloyede, an intern with The Hope is a student of National Open University of Nigeria (NOUN)

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