By Ronke Fadimilehin

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Dear Readers,
I am happy to welcome you to today’s edition of Relationship Matters. This week, we have done our best to offer solutions to Christianah and Glory’s experiences, and I hope you will learn how to handle similar situations should you ever face such challenges.

Warm regards

Dear Aunty Ronke,

I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to seek your advice regarding a difficult situation involving two close friends of mine. They once shared a strong and cordial relationship, but unfortunately, things have recently taken a turn for the worse, and their friendship has soured.

It is disheartening to see them grow distant, as they used to support each other through thick and thin. There were no obvious signs of conflict at first, but over time, misunderstandings and differences of opinion seem to have created a rift between them. Despite my efforts to mediate and encourage communication, neither of them is willing to make the first move towards reconciliation.

I truly believe their friendship is worth saving, but I am unsure how to help them bridge the gap without overstepping my boundaries. How can I encourage them to resolve their issues without making matters worse? Do you have any advice on how to handle this delicate situation?

Your wisdom and guidance would mean a great deal to me, as I genuinely care about both of them and hope to see their friendship restored. Thank you in advance for taking the time to share your thoughts. I look forward to your response.

Yours sincerely,

Glory, Ado Ekiti.

Dear Glory,

It is wonderful to have a friend like you who always wants those around her to live in peace and harmony. I’m sure your friends appreciate your concern.

Firstly, suggest that they have an open and honest conversation about what went wrong. Misunderstandings often arise when people don’t talk things through.

If they are willing, allow them to express their feelings to you separately. This will help you understand the root cause of their disagreement and see how you can bring them together.

Secondly, stay neutral and avoid getting caught in the middle. Let them know that you care about both of them and that your intention is to help bring them back together, not to make things worse.

Try to remind them of the good times they have shared and what they value in their friendship. Sometimes, focusing on the positives can help them realise that their bond is worth saving.

People occasionally need space to cool down. Let them process things at their own pace. If emotions are running high, forcing a resolution too soon might backfire.

Encourage them to understand that forgiveness can go a long way in rebuilding their relationship. If the issue is not too severe, remind them that no friendship is perfect.

I hope that, with these steps, you will achieve your goal.

Warm regards,

Dear Aunty Ronke,

Good day to you, ma. I would like to remain anonymous.

I am a 26-year-old woman and the eldest of three children. Among us, only the youngest is not an albino, and because of this, my father chose to abandon his family.

My mother single-handedly supported me through my education and continues to do the same for my younger siblings. My non-albino sibling is the only one my father and his family acknowledge.

A few months ago, I got engaged, bringing great joy to my family. As the wedding date approaches, some elders have suggested that my father should be given due honour in accordance with tradition, and I have no objection to this. When he attended a physical meeting, he expressed no reservations about being present at the event.

However, with only a few weeks left until the wedding, my father has suddenly changed his mind and begun making unreasonable demands, threatening that he will not attend if they are not met and that he will cause a scene.

I find this deeply unfair, as this man did nothing for me while I was growing up—not even contributing one thousand naira towards my education—yet he now feels entitled to make outrageous demands.

Personally, I do not care for his presence at the event, but my mother and some other family members are pleading with me to concede to his demands just to ensure the wedding proceeds without trouble.

I would greatly appreciate any guidance on how to handle this situation, as his behaviour has left me completely disheartened.

Yours sincerely,

Christianah

Dear Christianah,

Your situation is undoubtedly difficult, but remember that your wedding day is about you and your happiness. As you navigate this issue, there are a few important points to consider:

I advise you to prioritise your peace of mind. Your father abandoned you, and while tradition may dictate certain honours for him, they should not come at the expense of your well-being. If his presence will cause you distress, you have every right to object.

If his demands are unreasonable, you are not obliged to comply. Accommodating them may only encourage further entitlement. Make it clear to your family that while you respect their opinions, your father’s involvement should be on your terms, not his.

If you are open to reconciliation for the sake of peace, set clear conditions. However, do so only if it feels right for you.

If cultural expectations are weighing on you, speaking to a respected figure in your family may help mediate the situation or provide alternative ways to honour tradition without compromising your feelings.

Your mother has been your rock, and your fiancé, along with supportive family members, stands by your side. Surround yourself with those who genuinely care for you rather than those pressuring you to appease your father.

Remember, this is your wedding, and you deserve to celebrate it without unnecessary stress. If your father truly wished to be part of your life, he would have shown it long before now.

Do what feels right for you, and do not allow anyone to guilt you into a decision that may affect your happiness.

Stay strong and focused. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

Warm regards,