By Mary Agidi

I was sexually molested and abused at the age of five and seven. The evil was perpetrated by a family friend—someone everyone trusted, and who seemed like a caring adult. He was smart enough to use his grooming skills through which he won my parents’ trust. They didn’t just trust him, they also handed my siblings and I to him as our caretaker especially during holidays”, says a middle-aged Teens Coach, Mrs. Precious Ifeanyichukwu.

Due to the busy schedule of some parents, they enrolled their children in boarding school where they have peace of mind that the children won’t be exposed to social vices and molestation that are going on in the streets. In spite of that, vacation would still come and the children must be back home.

Save for parents and guardians who are into the teaching profession, some parents are professionals in other fields, and serious-minded entrepreneurs who don’t observe school terms holidays. The task of looking after their children during holiday now becomes worrisome and they would resort to engaging neighbours, family members or friends to help out by dumping their kids with them till their arrival from work.

The level of trust some parents have in these people overshadows their sense of reasoning to suspect any foul play being meted out on the children, especially the minors, as seen in the case of Mrs Ifeanyichukwu.

At these malleable years of growth, children are exposed to molestation and harassment by trusted adults.

Holiday periods are when children are exposed to this danger, which consequentially causes the victims mental and emotional trauma as they grow to adulthood.

This dastardly act has been on for ages, untold. Both male and female children fall prey to perpetrators of abuse. There are adult females who sexually molest the male children, same way it happens to the female child by adult male children. The difference is that, due to the openness of the vaginal, it’s very easy to detect when a girl has been molested, compared to a male child who might not suffer any physical injury and pain.

Meanwhile, due to the level of advocacy on sexual and reproductive health and rights for adolescents, being championed by civil society organizations, many victims are now coming out to share their experiences, both males and females, to serve as a warning to parents.

Sharing her experience with The Hope, Mrs. Ifeanyichukwu who is now a Lagos-based active Teens Coach analysed how perpetrators of this dastardly act utilized grooming tactic, which is a deliberate and often subtle process used by pedophiles to gain a child or teen’s trust, ultimately with the intent to exploit them.

“This tactic involves carefully manipulating the child’s emotions, isolating them from protective adults, and creating a dependency that can leave them feeling obligated, confused, or even guilty. This was exactly what my abuser did and what his type does to their targets, “she explained.

As another holiday is near, Ifeanyichukwu urged parents and guardians to stay at alert, while highlighting precautionary measures to take in order to shield children from pedophiles. She enjoined care-givers to know and be aware of who their child is with, to teach children about personal boundaries, trust guts feeling, limit the time that children spend with strangers; to regularly check in with their children where they are, teach children to reveal bad secrets, to be aware of changes in their behaviour, and build a relationship of trust and openness with their children.

“One of such holiday is already at the corner: Christmas, during which kids are exposed to supposed “uncles”, “aunties” and extended family members. If there is a time to be more careful, it is such time.

“It was during one of those regular holidays that I stumbled on my first porn on my uncle’s phone. A friend once shared with me that it was during one of the holidays when they travelled down to their village that one of her male cousins took them to a corner and showed them his penis. Strange as it may sound, these things happen under our nose more than we can imagine”, she added.

Also contributing, Mrs. Mercy Roland, the CEO of an NGO, emphasised why parents must prioritise the safety of their children from harm, especially from those who prey on their innocence.

“Understanding who pedophiles are, the damage they cause, and how we can proactively shield our children is critical, particularly during vacation periods when routines are more relaxed, and children might be in different environments,” she said.

According to her, pedophiles use a process known as “grooming” to build a sense of trust and closeness.

“This can involve giving gifts, spending unusual amounts of time with the child, or creating situations where they’re alone with them. Pedophiles may appear friendly and safe, but their intentions are harmful, making it crucial for parents to recognize and understand this behavior,” she explained.

Mercy Roland submitted that child abuse leaves lasting trauma, severely impacting a child’s emotional well-being, self-worth, and ability to trust, with effects often carried into adulthood and influencing personal development and mental health.

To safeguard children from sexual abuse, she also highlighted five things caregivers and parents should do, which include:

To teach personal boundaries: By helping children understand privacy regarding their bodies and empower them to say “no” if uncomfortable.

To encourage open communication: Foster a trusting environment so children feel safe discussing concerns or unusual experiences.

Recognize grooming signs: Be aware of red flags, like excessive attention or frequent gifts from adults, to prevent potential abuse.

To set digital boundaries: Monitor children’s online activity and discourage sharing personal information with strangers.

Define a Circle of Trust: Limit unsupervised time to trusted adults, ensuring children know who they can safely spend time with alone.

Also speaking, the Chief Executive Officer of Community Development and Adherence Support Initiative , Mrs. Irene Odigie Abidoye, gave some tips on pedophiles.

She advised parents to limit the right to profit – share renting among children in the neighbourhood to prevent exposing them to sexual harassment. She advised against entrusting minors to family members, friends, or colleagues without proper monitoring, noting that even grandfathers and uncles are not excluded from perpetrating this act against children.

According to her, parents and guardians should not allow girls to sit on the laps of male adults, regardless of the level of relationship, adding that some predators are innocent looking individuals, but suffering mental disorder that causes them to be sexually aroused around children.

Abidoye further hinted that children’s body should be well-studied by their parents and guardians, to know where they could easily feel aroused if touched, and educate them not to allow anyone tickle them, in what she referred to as a game play.

“You as a parent need to have your time to study your child. Study what makes them feel tickled and what makes them feel irritated. Those are all parts you will tell them to be aware of. Tell them in a manner at which they will understand, not by shouting or quarrelling, ” she advised.

As child molestation, especially girls, is on the increase, coupled with the busy schedules of parents to make ends meet, caregivers need to be extra careful and vigilant to avoid exposing the children to sexual dangers, including infections. With the level of moral decadence in the society, no individual can be trusted with kids, not even the spiritual fathers as there are many cases of clerics who have defiled teenagers and minors whose parents’ gullibility made them to put them in the custody of the so-called clerics, under the guise of seeking deliverance. There are so many wolves in sheep’s clothing.