Dear Readers,

Welcome to yet another insightful edition of Relationship Matters. This week, we turn our attention to some of the suggested solutions to the challenges faced by Olamiposi and Kikelomo. I trust you’ll gain something valuable from their stories and feel more confident navigating similar situations should they arise in the future. Warm regards.

Dear Aunty Ronke,

Please, I need your advice on what to do about my situation.

I am a married businesswoman with three children and my family lives together happily in Ogun State. My husband lost his job about two years ago and since then, I have taken over most of the household expenses. He has been doing one or two small things to support the family using the severance package from his last job.

As a successful businesswoman, I have not pressured him about providing for the home, but he insisted that he would be responsible for the children’s education. We both agreed to that arrangement, although whenever he was short of funds, I stepped in to cover the costs.

He truly appreciates my support. When he was working, he used to send money to his parents regularly and since he lost his job, I have continued to support him in that regard. Whenever his siblings asked for financial help, I was always willing to assist as well.

My issue now is with his mother and siblings. Whenever they visit, his mother always accuses me of spending her son’s money carelessly, especially when I try to make her feel comfortable. To my surprise, whenever she makes such accusations, my husband simply walks away and pretends not to notice what she is saying.

Sometimes, she accuses me of preventing her son from giving her money or buying her gifts like he used to. The problem is that my husband has not told his family that he lost his job and has been struggling. So, his mother believes that I am the reason he no longer spends as he used to.

This situation makes me very unhappy, but I cannot stop my mother in-law from visiting us. Please, I need your advice on what to do, because I don’t think I can continue to bear the accusations and embarrassment any longer.

Olamiposi

Dear Olamiposi,

Thank you for writing so openly. You are clearly a strong and supportive wife, doing your best for your family under difficult circumstances. The challenges you’re facing are not uncommon, but they do require careful handling, especially when extended family is involved.

Before anything else, I would advise that you have an honest and calm conversation with your husband. Choose a quiet, private moment to express how the situation is affecting you emotionally.

Let him know that you feel hurt and unsupported when his mother accuses you and he remains silent. It is becoming too much for you to manage alone.

Explain that, for the sake of peace in the home, it is important that he opens up to his family about his current situation. Be sure to speak without anger or blame.

Encourage him to be transparent with them. The root of the misunderstanding seems to be that his family does not know he is no longer working. It is not your place to tell them, but you can gently encourage him to do so.

It is important that they know the truth, if they believe he is still earning salary, they will naturally wonder why the support has stopped. Once they understand the situation, they may become more sympathetic and the accusations may stop.

Kindly suggest that he sets the record straight. Offer to be present when he speaks to them, if that would help.

If your mother in-law continues to speak to you in a hurtful way, you have every right to set respectful boundaries.You can remain polite but firm.

Next time she accuses you, calmly respond with something like:

“Mummy, I do my best for this family and it hurts me when you say such things. I would appreciate it if we could speak to each other respectfully.”Avoid raising your voice or engaging in arguments, it allows you to maintain the moral high ground.

If, despite all efforts, the treatment continues, limit how much time and energy you spend engaging with toxic comments. Focus on your children and your business. You are already doing so much, don’t let others dim your light.

You are not wrong to feel upset. But peace at home begins with teamwork between husband and wife. With communication, honesty and mutual respect, this situation can improve.

I hope that by taking these steps, you will begin to see positive results.

Aunty Ronke

Dear Aunty Ronke,

Please, I really need your advice on a challenge I am currently facing, and I would appreciate it if you could keep my identity anonymous for personal reasons.

I am a young lady who has just graduated from university and is preparing to marry my fiancé after completing my NYSC programme in a few months.

While I was in school, I met a girl from my hometown. We became friends because we were from the same village. Our friendship started off well and I eventually considered her my best friend. Over time, our families also became acquainted and we grew even closer.

At the time, I was already in a relationship with my fiancé, who also attended the same school. I introduced him to her as a family member and he received her warmly.

However, a few months after the introduction, my fiancé began asking questions about her and the nature of our relationship. I explained to him that we were not actually related, but simply from the same village and that our families were close.

He warned me to be very cautious with her and advised me not to share all my plans with her. I tried to assure him that she was trustworthy, but he insisted I follow his advice.

Eventually, I noticed she started avoiding me. When I saw her on campus, she would make excuses and quickly leave. I attempted to speak to her about her behaviour, but she wouldn’t give me the chance. I also visited her family’s house to check on her, but I couldn’t find her.

After some time, she seemed to disappear. However, now that my wedding is approaching, she suddenly called to congratulate me and expressed a desire to be my chief bridesmaid. When I informed my fiancé, he warned me again to be very cautious, suggesting that she might have ulterior motives.

Worried, I pressed him to explain and that was when he revealed that she had been spreading false rumours about me on campus. She allegedly told him that I was once married, had a child and that my eldest sister was raising the child. She also tried to discourage him from marrying me. That, he said, was the reason he questioned me about her and advised me to be discreet.

I was shocked and deeply hurt by what she did. I felt betrayed and wanted to confront her, but my fiancé asked me to let it go. I also told my parents and they advised me to do the same.

I have since messaged her to let her know that I have already chosen someone else as my chief bridesmaid, but she insists that I should drop that person and pick her instead.

Now, I am worried because I don’t know what her intentions are or why she is so determined to be part of my wedding. I do not want her involved, but I don’t know how else to get her to back off.

Please help me.

Kikelomo

Dear Kikelomo,

Thank you for writing so clearly and courageously about your situation. You have every right to feel shocked, confused and hurt. Betrayal by someone you considered a close friend is never easy, especially when it concerns something as important as your relationship and upcoming marriage.

Your fiancé has shown concern and foresight in protecting your relationship. The fact that he didn’t immediately accuse, but instead investigated and communicated with you, shows maturity. Trust his insight, he has already shielded you from deeper harm.

Your wedding is a sacred moment in your life. It should be surrounded by people who love you, uplift you and genuinely wish you well. Anyone whose intentions are questionable should not be allowed close, especially in a role as significant as chief bridesmaid. This is not about being unforgiving; it’s about being wise and protective of your peace and joy.

You’ve already done well by politely informing her that someone else has been chosen. You owe her nothing more. If she persists, it is perfectly acceptable to be firmer. Should she continue to pressure you, it is okay to block communication, if necessary. A true friend would respect your boundaries and would not insist on inserting herself.

While the temptation to confront her is understandable, it’s unlikely to bring the peace or closure you’re hoping for. She has already shown that she is not trustworthy. Confronting her may only escalate the situation or give her another opportunity to manipulate events.

Focus on what truly matters and pour your energy into your blessings. Surround yourself with those who genuinely celebrate you; not those who pretend.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean re-admitting people into your life. It simply means releasing the burden of pain while maintaining your distance. You are doing the right thing by being cautious and protecting your space.

You are wise, strong and worthy of joy. Let no one threaten that. Remain blessed and congratulations on your forthcoming wedding.

Aunty Ronke