By Maria Famakinwa
Not all relationships end in marriage because it is an institution that requires mutual understanding and commitment to make it work. Marriage, being a life covenant with it’s do’s and don’t, allow those who feel that they are not compatible during courtships to call it off and search for another partner who fit in into their lives.
It is expected that once a courtship fail, those involved should put it behind them and forge ahead but findings revealed that some still keep their ex’s mobile phone contacts while some still call them for one reason or the other.
Those who spoke with The Hope revealed that 90 percent of people still have their ex’s contact and keep in touch with them. They argued that nothing was wrong having one’s ex contact if they breakup on mutual understanding. Others who spoke against the idea maintained that deleting an ex’s number remain the best option to avoid the temptations of texting or calling such again because anything about one’s ex was in the past and should be forgotten.
A teacher, Mrs Oreoluwa Thompson, believed that there was nothing more honourable than being able to let go of the past and live for the moment which she described as a safeguard against giving into temptation of adultery.
She said “ irrespective of your reason for break-up, it is wrong to say good morning where you’ve said goodnight. Deleting your ex’s contact is another way to show him/her your worth. There is no reason to keep in contact with your ex if you intend to move on. If you know that your ex is the wrong person for you due to [irreconcilable] differences, and you know that dating this person was unhealthy, why keeping such contact? Calling your ex is telling the person that he/she is better and that you are regretting leaving him/her. You can’t risk keeping such number on your phone, because on a day you’re feeling lonely or in a dull moment, you might pick your phone and call which can later lead to embarrassment.
“The key to having a successful marriage is putting yourself in the shoes of your partner in everything. If you are married, stop keeping your ex’s contact. You ended your relationship because you are not compatible so be it. Couples must be weary of this because many homes have broken because of keeping one’s ex contact,” she warned.
Sharing a similar view, an accountant, Mr Banji Oguntolu, described the idea of keeping one’s ex contact as going back to one’s vomit which he described as delicate because it could distract the person and cause friction between spouses.
His words: “There is no sense in keeping a dead dog just because I was fond of it. It is a distraction and the sooner you get rid of it the better. It is like re-kindle the old fire which can be dangerous. The key to having a successful marriage is putting yourself in the shoes of your partner in all you do. Why did you get married if you if you are still keeping the contact of your ex? Once you are done with your ex, then it becomes a closed chapter and you move on. If your ex broke up with you, it means the real love he/she has for you had gone sore . Seeing you or hearing your voice is not going to sprout new feelings for you. Trying to revive a dead relationship is only going to be futile. You will only get emotional and hurt yourself the more. It is advisable to forget everything about your ex and concentrate on your new home.”
Speaking differently, an engineer, Mr Rotimi Olori, shared that it is not easy to delete one’s ex contact especially if there was no genuine reason for ending such relationship. “If your relationship ended in a healthy, mature and conflict-free manner. In a circumstance like this, ‘deleting’ your ex out of your life might not be necessary because your ex may later be your helper.
“I am happily married and still have my ex’s contact and it is known to my wife. We dated for six years and decided to end it because our genotype didn’t favour our marriage. It became very difficult for us to say goodbye but it was needful to avoid having sickle cell children as advised by doctors. Both of us changed the state we were known as lovers for us to get married. I was so happy when she told me she had found another man two years after we ended the relationship. I got married four years after and today we are doing well in our respective marriages with healthy kids. We call ourselves. My ex told her husband about me and I did likewise to my wife. We are now family friends and nothing has happened between me and my ex since we both got married to our different partners. It depends on understanding.”
Asked if his wife could contact her ex, he said why not. “I know my wife’s ex. She has his number because they are on the same WhatsApp group created for their set. In fact, I have the man’s number as well. Everything has to do with trust. Nobody can monitor a mature being, you can only monitor a baby. My wife is free to call anybody because I trust her. It is when you monitor someone that you make him/her feel superior to you. Everybody has a past and if you fail to handle it well, it will have negative influence on your present and future. Having your ex contact number to me is nothing if you are the discipline type,” he said.
A beautician, Adebisi Igbekele, who explained that having an ex contact should not be misinterpreted for flirting with him/her added that such contact number might not be in one’s contact list but could be memorized. “What really matter to me is being sincere to your spouse. What if I don’t have my ex’s contact number on my phone but I memorise it? Sincerely speaking if your ex was caring and the relationship ended on a mutual ground, deleting such number can be really hard.
“One fact about life is that anyone you come across can later be the one to help you. One of my course mates in school was given an employment by his ex. The man has been looking for her and when he got her contact, he called her and she told him that she was working as a private school teacher. He asked her to send her CV which she did after a month, she was called for an interview in a big company in Lagos and started working same month. That was how her story changed. Her ex who helped her didn’t work in the same organization with her. Though, she had deleted her ex number but God still used him for her. Keeping your ex contact does not mean you are wayward or loose as many interpreted it to be. Your ex might be your destiny helper in disguise,” she said.