Is there gender equality in marriage?
By Josephine Oguntoyinbo
Most ladies go into marriage for different reasons and they only prepare for wedding and not the marriage itself. They forget that wedding can last at most a week while marriage is a life time journey, so they go into it totally unprepared and not informed about how to manage a home.
To this end, you need to think about marriage before you get into it because if you just start thinking after you are already in it, there will be problems as many challenges are calling for your attention.
Management is one of the major duties of a wife, you must know how to manage your husband better than anyone. This kind of management means making him maintain his sanity when he is angry, which normally will not happen. And making him to do things (good ones) that ordinarily he would not do. It is just bringing out the best in him.
Each time there is a disagreement between you and your husband, let your managerial skills take over. Do not start nagging or become insultive, try to be calm and handle things maturely, be willing to say I am sorry. The best way to handle a man is to be quiet and this also gives you a chance to think about your actions and words while the man is battling with himself to unravel the misery behind your silence.
No equality in marriage, God has made it so. You can fight for equality at your place of work or anywhere but not the home. When you get home, become conscious that you are subject to your husband and you are not equal to him, whether you like it or not, he will always want to remind you about it if you are acting as the authority.
You are his help meet not help mate. Some wrongly quote religious books like the Bible saying “Help mate instead of help meet ‘that is you are created and designed to support, help and assist him and not to lord over him.
You cannot control him, it does not happen automatically, after seeing your virtue and he is convinced about your personality, then ,he will now give you control in the home which must not be abused. This also takes time or even years to achieve.
When he realise that you do not struggle with him for anything , he will give you all, then he will let you control things and make key decisions even relating to his family. At this level, people will say you have made vegetable “Efo” for him, they will not know that you have worked hard and humbly got to this level.
However, he does not have to take to your advice or suggestion always because not all advice can be taken. What ever decision he makes, he is accountable for it. He is not a rubbot, so do not force your advice on him or expect him to always agree with you. You are the one accountable to him therefore obey him.
Submitting to him means obeying him, like what he likes, eat what he eats and do what he wants. It will not be easy, but you must try to adjust. It is part of getting married.
Understanding is very important in marriage. If you want to stay long in that marriage, you must understand your husband. Then he is not crazy person’. he will try to understand you too and try to please you.
Understand him first, after which some day he will try doing same.
He wants you to respect his family event when he knows that they are difficult people. Never try separating a man from his family, it backfire most times. Instead, try to understand them, win them and make your husband see how important you are to him. Help him discover that he should make you respect his family and his family respect you.
Marriage is not just for sex, having children or someone to pay your bills, it is hardwork that affect lives and destiny, so you need to be careful about your actions in your marriage.