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Is your past affecting your new relationship?

By Josephine Oguntoyinbo

The purpose of a relationship is to find your better half, the person that completes you. But one of the major obstacles in creating a soul-matched relationship is that we tend to bring the pains and experiences from past relationships into present ones, and even into our search for the right ones.
If you have been hurt in the past, it is understandable that you may have developed issues with trust and confidence in your subsequent relationships.
Previous hurt and pains is the major reason why people develop a negative mindset around relationships in general but you need to do your healing work and see your partner’s behavior in a positive light.
The fact is that no partner is the same. Even though you may be holding onto a past trauma or disappointments, that does not mean that every partner will behave in this same way.
There is a tendency to project or put onto other people the fear, grief or resentment of our past ,when in reality, this person does not represent those things at all.
The truth is that you have to move on from the past and prevent such issues from affecting the current relationship.How to know if your past is affecting you is to pay attention to the type of issues you and your partner are having.
When you are holding unto past issues, there is tendency to be arguing about things that should not really be an issue, this can hurt your partner badly, hence the need for you to forge ahead.
Your fear and behavior towards this issue may bring the worst out of someone you love. The result is what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy. We simply end up bringing upon ourselves what we fear most. For instance, if you have a fear of abandonment and you hold onto someone too much because you are afraid that he may leave you ,then he will eventually abandon you. It do happen most times.
The truth is that when you start a relationship with a clear state of mind and leave the past behind, it has a higher chance of flourishing with less grief and discord .Always believe that this person is different, trust him because you cannot be treating someone poorly for the fault of another.
Every breakup requires time to heal. Someone who has a breakup with a partner would have to give herself some time for her mind to settle.
Beside, the past impacts our present everyday through how we approach certain situations, or how we emotionally react to what people say.
You should not blame the new partner that comes into your life. It is not his fault, you are the victim. It is this kind of mentality that keeps people stagnant and unable to move forward in love and have a healthy relationship.
Lack of trust will not make you see the qualities in your new partner because you will always doubt his sincerity, question his motives and find fault where no fault exist.
You do not need to be coated in an emotional armour to be in a secured relationship, remember that the walking wounded who have resolved not to love again finds little joy in any other relationship, while their partners would equally suffered from their emotional withholding.
Therefore, trusting your partner and being honest with him will help plant the seed of intimacy and make you happy forever .

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