Jealousy, a killer of relationship
By Josephine Oguntoyinbo
Jealousy is one of the vampires that can suck the blood out of a healthy relationship if you do not do away with it. Giving room to jealousy is like killing your relationship gradually and not working on your jealousy is dangerous.
However, jealousy Is like salt in the food of a relationship, a little can make it tasty while too much can spoil the food.
It has a way of destroying relationships once it gets out of hand. It makes you starts feeling insecure and that is the first result of jealousy, it makes you feel like you do not deserve your partner or thinking that you are not okay for him . You start feeling like your partner is doing something bad and you feel something is missing even when everything is fine.
When you are jealous, you become extremely possessive of your partner. A bit of possessiveness in a relationship makes the partner feel loved ,but when it gets exceedingly ,it ruins the relationship. Possessiveness makes you feel like the owner of your partner and will make you want to know everything going on with him. It makes you question every steps of your partner. Meanwhile if you do not give your partner some breathing space, you are going to push him away, and will makes your relationship crumble.
Do not be so paranoid and desperate, give your partner space but control your own behaviour in every possible way. Do not question his freedom or what he do when you are not with him like calls he receives or who he chats with.
The worse thing is that jealousy makes you emotional and sad at the same time, and you would not be able to explain the reason to your partner. You start getting angry over little things, start finding interesting things boring, cries over little things.
If you are jealous, how can your mind be at rest? You would not be at peace when you and your partner are apart because lot of negative thoughts will start running on your mind. Even when you are together, if his phone rings or a message comes in, your heartbeat will rise just to know who the person is and if care is not taken it may leads to conflict.
To this end, trust is needed in a relationship. Without this, jealousy will grow stronger and consume the relationship.
You must know that constant argument, fights, nagging and loss of trust among others are signs of unhealthy relationship.
Jealousy can throw somebody off balance though, it is not something we have power over because it grows within and it is very natural but we can definitely control it so as to be happy. The problem with jealousy is that it makes your partner’s attitude annoy you and everything he does seen offensive to you as you feel like they are pretending.
Although, jealousy can come in a relationship in so many ways or dimensions, but the most important thing is to try and understand its origin and causes. Like I said earlier, jealousy is a natural thing and can come as a result of so many things, however maturity is key to curtailing it .
You might have been cheated in your past relationship or might have cheated on your partner and knows the consequence and would not want such to happen to you. But it is better to stop dwelling in the past because no two relationships are the same and the comparism between others will not yield good fruits.
Guilt can be a major source of jealousy in a relationship. The truth is that if you are cheating on your partner, then what is stopping him from cheating on you? Sometimes those who are more jealous in a relationship are the ones cheating. People who have cheated on their partner before feel so jealous because they are afraid that their partner could be doing same thing.
Jealousy could be overcome by controlling your negative imagination. Negative imagination comes from insecurity, and insecurity comes from doubt. It makes you think that your partner is doing what he is not. Make sure you tame your weird thoughts so as to have a peace of mind and healthy relationship.
Furthermore, communication is an essential tool that makes a relationship work out. It makes you know things instead of assuming. Share your feelings with your partner, speak from your heart without justifying your actions. It is better to talk about your worries and your doubt. Make room for an open communication and understand your partner as well .
It is important to maintain open and honest discussion with him and make you know what you do not understand , it will also connect you and makes your relationship wax stronger and happier.
Ogidiagba, a student of National Open University of Nigeria (NOUN) is an intern with The Hope.