With Alan kay
“Why are you not on the dance floor? Shade and I have just finished our ball dance. At least, one would not kill himself. So if the Naira falls at the international market, is it automatic that I should fall here too?”
“Yes, Ogbonna, you are not too far from falling, if the Naira continues to fall. The consequences are dire. In the first place, you won’t be able to afford more than one or two bottles of beer per week. Or in a month, the economy can decide to totally starve you of beer.”
“Terrible, Kay, terrible. That means there will be hunger in the land, because you must have eaten before sitting down to ‘shell’ beer, and once you have N2000 only, your first target is good food, after which you can think of beer.”
“So, if you are left with N500 after feeding, can that buy you a bottle of beer? Yet the President will not for once devalue the Naira to let us know our proper rating, rather than subject our currency to the vagaries of the international market.”
“Well, if the Naira is devalued, the pocket is naturally devalued; so is the opportunity to borrow. If you have 1k, the real value may not be more than N400. But President Bola Tinubu possibly hopes that once his economic policies work out, the Naira will naturally resurge to dwarf the dollar.”
“Hmmm, my brother, ‘I no go school o’. Please call the hefty bar lady towards your right side, who is looking seductively in our direction, to serve us another round of bottles, and let her realise that it must be criminally cold, mortuary standard.”
“How are you sure the Babe is looking at us seductively? As she stands, I think she looks tired and will probably need a chair.”
“No, let me re-construct your observation. Speaking from experience, I think she is bed-sick. In that case, she wouldn’t need a chair but the active lap of a proactive pub-Ronaldo.”
“Ah, why are you talking like this? You want to rev up the mood of my Shade here? Or can’t you see she is as drunk as we are?”
“Almost; say ‘almost!’ She can never be as drunk as we are. Today alone, I’ve ‘shelled’ six bottles, bringing the cumulative to two bottles per sitting.”
“You know, the babe here with me can hardly survive this your proposed beer hurricane. She may collapse owing to the preponderance of alcoholic attacks, and then become useless to me tonight.”
“Well, Ogbos, I think for once, you are being reasonable. The simple reason is that if you go ahead to bed her while she is not aware of it, you’ve committed rape, and you are liable to seven years sentence.”
“Pele o, Mr. Judge. Well, I’m working on a book titled, ‘The seven ‘Nos’ of a woman that are Pure Yes’. This situation falls into one of the ‘Nos’. A woman, who is drunk in your custody, when bedded, can only dream of going through a nice moment.”
“Please Ogbos, I have found there is no difference between you and Charles; you are both unrepentant womanisers. But you know, I too have many girlfriends, and they are my bottles of beer.”
“Even though we are all aware of the tens of hundreds of ladies who call you regularly anytime we are drinking. No, I won’t say you don’t womanise but that you are a smooth operator.”
“So the rest of you are rough operators?…yes, Ogbos, take another look at that guy dancing at the extreme end of the hall; this is the fourth babe he would be dancing with since we have been domiciled in this pub.”
“And to even think that he is dancing riotously! Maybe he’s one of these ‘Yahoo Boys’ who has just defrauded an Oyibo man or even his fellow countryman?”
“No, I disagree with you. Didn’t you see his police orderly standing nearby? I have a strong conviction that he is the son of one of these powerful men in government.”
“So, that means it is the children of these powerful guys in government that are actually the lazy Nigerian youths? Charles said he saw this same guy here twice last week, drinking hard, dancing riotously, and carousing women of easy virtue.”
“But he is not among the lazy youths the former President Buhari was referring to during his London medical excursion. He was subtly referring to the Niger Delta youths who wanted control over their crude oil or in the alternative, get freebies on the platform of the amnesty programme.”
“Please, these bottles of beer are ‘leaking’. I feel like drinking hard today, to be able to decipher who the lazy Nigerian youths are, so that I can do a memo to President Tinubu on their activities.”
Bright idea. Why not recommend to government to set up the Ministry for Lazy Nigerian Youths? You can come in as its pioneer Minister, while I will be your preferred contractor. You would travel round the 36 states, taking inventory of the lazy Nigerian youths, while I will come as a motivational speaker, to make them key into the Hard-work Project of the Federal Government.”
“Good, we will also help the President get PVC for rehabilitated lazy Nigerian youths and keep oiling them till the next presidential election, so that Baba can use their rehabilitation as campaign issue.”
“Chai, it is good to be lazy o!”