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Friday, December 2, 2022

Money: Leading causes of divorce

By Josephine Oguntoyinbo

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If you and your spouse have argued about money, you are not alone. In fact, finances in marriage is one of the leading causes of divorce.

Therefore, keeping financial secrets is never a nice idea in marriage. When couples hide pay rises, bank accounts, expenditure and debts from each other, disunity, division and distrust sets in.

According to studies couples often have conflicting money views which leads to a lot of problems. For example, one person might spend money recklessly while the other is thrifty. This difference in world views can have a devastating impact.

Hence, good communication is key to managing finances successfully with your spouse, it is likely that one of you will be better at managing money than the other, but that is no excuse for financial deception.

Oneness in marriage includes financial oneness, otherwise money will become a wedge that drives you apart. You do not have to have joint bank accounts but you do need a joint financial strategy as a couple.

Every marriage needs a healthy balance between financial autonomy and financial accountability and you need to agree as a couple where that balance lies.

As adults, we all need a certain amount of discretionary spending money such that we do not have to justify every little expense to our spouse. Depending on what your family income is, you need to agree as a couple how much you can spend without consulting each other.

Major purchases should be a product of joint decision making, although what constitutes major in one family can be a minor expense.

Major in one family can be a minor expense in another. This is why dialogue is so crucial. When a marriage functions as God intended, by bringing your two perspectives together as husband and wife you can jointly make wiser financial decisions than you would functioning alone.

According to an author on finances, ‘Money is either the best or worst area of communication in a marriage’. If you can not trust each other financially, this is an issue that needs to be worked through or it will eat at the heart of your marriage and rob you of your sense of unity and oneness.

Some tried and proven tactics that will bring stability and financial peace to your relationship is to be honest. How are you and your spouse doing financially? To get on a healthy financial path, it is key to be honest with your partner about your money.

In order to uncover where you are with your finances, ask yourself some questions. Do you have past financial mishaps? A bad gambling habit? Are you excessively thrifty? If you answered yes to these or any other questions, you should talk to your spouse.

I have read stories of couples where one person kept their massive debt as a secret. That alone can destroy trust. It is therefore important to engage in honest conversations about your finances when married.

The key ingredient to conquering finances in marriage is communication.

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