Dear Readers,
Welcome to another engaging edition of Relationship Matters. This week, we have suggested some possible solutions to Florence and Folake’s challenges, and I hope you will find them insightful. Perhaps you will gain a thing or two to help you navigate similar situations in your life.
Wishing you a wonderful weekend.
Warm regards.

With Ronke Fadimilehin

Dear Aunty Ronke,

I am a married woman with four female children, and have been married for over 18 years.

I have not enjoyed my marriage since I gave birth to my children because my mother-in-law has not been happy with me for having girls. She complains that she needs grandsons to carry on the family name.

Each time she raises this issue, I try to make her understand that it is her son who determines the sex of the child, not me. However, she refuses to accept this . Instead, she advised her son to marry another wife. My husband abandoned me and the children as a result.

He has been away for over 10 years and married another wife, who, in the end, also gave birth to three girls.

Now, realising his mistake, he has returned and is begging me and my children for forgiveness. I was deeply hurt when he abandoned us. He did not provide any support for the children, and I vowed never to have anything to do with him again because of the pain he caused me.

My daughters are equally hurt and have also vowed not to forgive him. However, I am now confused about what to do because my eldest daughter is about to get married, and we need to inform her father.

Folake, Ondo

Dear Folake,

I understand your pain and disappointment. Unfortunately, this is a reality that many women in this part of the world face, particularly when it comes to giving birth to female children. However, I want to commend your strength in navigating this difficult situation.

Firstly, I encourage you to forgive him completely. It is not easy, but forgiveness is as much for your peace of mind as it is for his redemption. He has taken the step to return to you and your children, showing his willingness to make amends. That alone is a step in the right direction.

Secondly, I would suggest you create a safe space for open communication between him and the children. Children often harbour resentment and confusion when they feel abandoned or unvalued, so it is important to allow them to express their feelings. Facilitate a conversation where he can apologise directly to them and explain his actions, taking responsibility for his mistakes. In addition, you can work together to rebuild trust as a family.

It might also help to involve a third party, such as a family elder, counsellor, or religious leader, to mediate and provide guidance. Sometimes, an impartial perspective from them can ease tensions and foster understanding.

Lastly, remind yourself and your children that his mistakes do not define him entirely. People are imperfect, and growth is often preceded by error. Encourage your children to see this situation as an opportunity to learn about resilience, forgiveness, and the value of family unity.

Above all, take it one step at a time. Healing and rebuilding relationships take time, but with patience and effort, it is possible to create a more harmonious future.

Wishing you strength, wisdom, and peace in this journey.

Aunty Ronke

Dear Aunty Ronke,

I am a married woman with two children and work as a secretary in a private company. I report directly to the General Manager of the company.

The current General Manager was employed about six months ago after my former boss relocated abroad. As the secretary, my job occasionally requires me to work late.

I am now facing issues with my new boss because of his inappropriate behaviour whenever we are alone in the office. He has been harassing me recently, making unwelcome sexual advances, despite my repeated warnings that I am married. He refuses to listen.

He has even threatened to make life miserable for me or terminate my employment if I do not comply with his demands. He insists that I either succumb to him or resign.

I have shared my ordeal with my husband, and he has advised me to report the matter to management, as the company has a strict zero-tolerance policy on sexual harassment. My husband believes that if I report him, he will lose his job.

I have warned my boss several times, but he refuses to change his behaviour. I do not want to lose my job because of him, yet I feel conflicted about reporting him, as it will cost him his job.

Please, what should I do?

Florence Ore

Dear Florence,

I sincerely sympathise with what you are facing at work. It can be incredibly frustrating how some so-called bosses behave towards married women working directly with them.

I admire your first step of warning him, and it was an excellent decision to involve your husband when he refused to heed your warning. That was a very wise move.

Try to make him understand the potential consequences of his actions if the management becomes aware of them. Highlight how the company’s code of conduct could impact him if you report his behaviour.

Stay vigilant and ensure you gather sufficient and convincing evidence against him, as he might attempt to set you up or implicate you through false claims.

If, after all your warnings, he refuses to change, it would be best to report him. You should not have to leave your job because of his behaviour, and it is important to prioritise your well-being and self-respect. You need and deserve your job.

Wishing you the very best of luck.