By Ronke fadimilehin

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Dear Readers,

It’s a pleasure to welcome you to another exciting edition of Relationship Matters. We’ve looked into Juliet and Busola’s issues and suggested some ways they might move forward. I hope you’ll pick up a few useful tips that could help you if you ever find yourself in a similar situation.

Have a fantastic weekend!

Dear Aunty Ronke,

Good day to you ma. I am a 31-year old woman, living with my husband and our two children.

I had my second child two months ago and have been on maternity leave since then. My husband has been very supportive helping to keep things in order and assisting me in every possible way.

About three months ago, a new neighbour moved into our compound. Upon introduction, she told us she was a student and had to leave her previous accommodation due to water issues and unpleasant roommates.

We welcomed her warmly, and she made a very good first impression by presenting herself as a responsible young woman dressing modestly and behaving respectfully.

However, over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed that her outfits have become increasingly skimpy and revealing. She often stays outside dressed this way. Typically, she returns from class dressed normally but quickly changes into tight, short clothes and sits outside.

Before I delivered my baby, she was closer to me and the children. After the birth, she has distanced herself becoming casual with the kids and barely interacting with me.

To my surprise, I discovered that she has been trying to get closer to my husband instead. She often comes to ask for his help with one thing or another and tries to initiate physical contact with him during conversations.

I’m not sure how to confront her about this. A part of me wonders if I’m overreacting, but I feel very uncomfortable with her behaviour. It seems as though she may be trying to seduce my husband.

I urgently need your advice before the situation escalates.

Juliet

Dear Juliet,

Thank you for writing. First of all, congratulations on the birth of your baby. Welcoming a new baby is both a beautiful and demanding experience, and I’m glad to hear that your husband has been supportive during this period.

Regarding your neighbour, I understand how troubling and confusing the situation must be. Your instincts as a woman and a wife are valid when something feels off, it’s worth paying attention.

I would advise you to have an open and calm conversation with your husband. Let him know what you’ve observed and how it makes you feel. Avoid sounding accusatory; instead, focus on how the situation is affecting your peace of mind and your marriage. A man who is truly committed will take your concerns seriously and respond with sensitivity and respect.

Continue to observe her behaviour. Does she act the same way around other men, or is her attention focused solely on your husband? Be certain of what you’re seeing before taking any further action.

If her behaviour persists, politely but firmly create some distance. You don’t need to be hostile; just avoid entertaining casual visits or unnecessary closeness.

Your husband should also be encouraged to maintain respectful boundaries and avoid being alone with her unless absolutely necessary.

If her actions continue and you feel compelled to speak with her, do so calmly and with grace. Let her know that you’ve noticed her closeness to your husband, and as his wife, you would prefer that boundaries be respected. This alone may be enough to send the message.

This is an emotionally sensitive time for you. Try as much as possible to protect your peace. Don’t let anyone disturb your home or your heart. Keep praying for wisdom, and lean on trusted loved ones for support.

Remember that you are not overreacting. You’re simply responding to a situation that could affect your home. Trust your instincts, act with dignity and never forget that your family comes first.

I wish you well on this journey.

Aunty Ronke

Dear Aunty Ronke,

Good day, ma. I’m a 25-year old lady from Lagos, currently based in Akure. I would like some advice on how to handle a situation I’m facing.

Growing up, my father was rarely at home, and my mother always told me he was working far away and handling some family projects. I accepted her explanation. Meanwhile, she was the one financing my education.

He would only visit a few times a year, but never during the holidays, and my mum never allowed me to question his behaviour.

When I was in SS2, I found out that my dad was married to another woman and had three children with her, all older than I am which meant my mother was actually the mistress, as I also discovered they were never married.

This revelation triggered something in me: I felt the need to win his approval. So, I intensified my efforts in school and other activities, hoping to make him proud.

After university, I secured a well-paying job and started sending a significant portion of my earnings to my father, even without him asking. Over the years, this became a habit, and I’ve never questioned how he uses the money.

About a year ago, I met my fiance after relocating to Akure for work. When he proposed, I informed my parents. My father simply congratulated me, and that was the end of the conversation.

I later told him that the introduction ceremony and wedding would be happening soon, and that I would need to pause his allowance until after the wedding. This statement upset him greatly, he lost his temper and threw a tantrum.

He accused me of being deceitful and claimed I was just looking for a way to shirk my “duty”. He threatened that I would regret it and vowed not to attend the wedding festivities.

This has thrown me into confusion. This is someone who hasn’t spent a single kobo on me in over 15 years, yet he’s acting as if I’m solely responsible for his upkeep even though he has three children from his legal marriage.

I’m unsure of what steps to take next, as I never imagined things would escalate to this level. The funds I plan to redirect from his allowance would be a huge help in organising the ceremonies, but his attitude is making it difficult for me to move forward.

I would really appreciate your advice on this matter.

Busola

Dear Busola,

Thank you for writing and for sharing such a personal and emotional experience.

Firstly, I want to commend you for your strength, maturity and generosity, even in the face of emotional hurt. Not many people would have done all that you have for a man who gave so little in return.

You are under no obligation to continue to financially support a father who was emotionally and materially absent from your life, especially when doing so would impact your well-being and future.

It is admirable that you tried to build a relationship with him and make him proud, but it is now clear that his love and approval should not have to be bought.

It is not selfish to prioritise your wedding and the new life you are about to begin. This is a crucial time for you and your fiancé, and the resources you have should be invested in building your future, not in sustaining someone who has shown little appreciation or effort to be meaningfully involved in your life.

Your father’s reaction is not only unfair but also emotionally manipulative. He has every right to feel disappointed, but he has no right to threaten or blackmail you, especially given his past behaviour.

His refusal to attend your wedding is unfortunate, but it should not derail your plans or steal your joy. You deserve to celebrate your love, surrounded by people who genuinely support and care for you.

Stand firm in your decision. Let him know, calmly and respectfully, that while you acknowledge his role as your father, your current responsibilities do not allow for financial support at this time.

Focus on your happiness. Pour your energy into your relationship, your wedding and your future. You have done more than enough. Let that truth give you peace.

I urge you not to carry any shame. What happened between your parents is not your burden to bear, and you are not responsible for fixing or compensating for it.

Surround yourself with love, positivity and people who celebrate you. And remember: this is your life, your journey and you deserve to live it with joy and dignity.

I wish you all the best.

Aunty Ronke