Of rift in the family
BY bJosephine Oguntoyinbo
One of the major challenges that marriage face in the most recent time is that of incessant rifts, most times culminating in abuse, assault and even death.
The truth is that no two persons are the same. And like the Yoruba people would say, even the tongue and the tooth sometimes fight as close as they are to one another. How much more individuals?
As human beings, we are very different entities, each person with his or her peculiar attributes. Not even twins who inhabit the same womb for complete nine months and got birthed the same month are exactly the same.
So, when a man and a woman come together in the name of marriage, one should not think that such a union would melt away the individuality of each partner in the matrimony.
Problems usually arise when either of the couple nurture the opinion that since A is married to me, he or she would conform to my ideals.
This is always very difficult, if not impossible, to achieve. Marriage or not, the individuality of a person remains.
Men, and by extension, women do not change overnight.
However, while partners in a union retain their personhood, it is also crucial that they both work out the modalities for making their marriage stand the test of time.
Yes, the test of time because no matter how careful the couple is, situations would arise that could shake the home to its very foundations. It takes real men and women to survive these times.
It is always good for them to endeavour to survive because that would be the test of their strength and their testimony to their offsprings. Unfortunately, not many couples survive these times of trials.
Still on making the marriage stand the test of time, it takes a very conscious effort by the parties involved in a marriage to make the union work.
Unfortunately, many just think they could handle their marriage any how and still get a reasonable result. That would take extra grace.
Whether in a relationship or not, every human being should aspire to be a better person. This is what is known as human development.
Much as both the man and the woman in a marital relationship need to improve on themselves per time, the woman needs to be able to understudy and align herself with the wishes of her husband.
The man is the head of the home in this part of the divide and once a woman says I do to a man not minding his stature, height, financial status and all, she has agreed to the terms and conditions that apply to the marriage. Like the popular maxim, you don’t enter the river and claim that you’re catching cold.
Truth is, as women, we sometimes get disappointed. A man who would always dot on you while seeking your hands in marriage suddenly becomes the commanding husband and you wonder how? What is wrong with this man? Is this the person I actually got married to?
For your information, he is the same man you got married to. Nothing has changed about him. You are the one who should wake up to the responsibility of being married.
As a wife, you want to continue to enjoy the luxury you enjoy when it was still a bae/boo relationship. No, it can’t work. Husband and wife relationship is very different from that world of fantasy.
Fine, it is good to always spice your relationship up with romantic colourations but at every point, the woman must know her bounds as a wife.