By Kemi Olatunde

Parenting requires great responsibility and commitment on the part of those concerned. It is always the decision of newly weds to jointly have their children raised under their care but when the unimaginable occurs, one of the parties bears most of the burden.

In this clime of the world, it is often believed that the women are the major cause of conflict in the home. The society gives less power to the female folk and yet expect her to be the more responsible and accountable spouse.

That is why it is always quick at pointing accusing finger at her whenever things go wrong. To be candid, they are not always at fault but they accept their fate and move on to cater for the children produced from the union.

The society has always seen the single parents especially the women as a product of a failed marriage. A lot of factors contribute to it including death of a spouse, unfaithfulness mostly on the part of men, lust, lack of support from In-laws and ignorance to mention a few.

A gospel artiste, Doyin Godwin in a social media post said “raising children is one of the most draining responsibilities anyone can ever undertake. Although it is rewarding to see a life blossom before your eyes, it does not change the rigour and sacrifice involved. This is probably why it was designed to be a task undertaken by two people – a father and a mother – bringing different (but equally important) qualities to the raising process.

“Hence, if you were raised by, or you are being raised by a single parent, please give them honour. Especially if they have lost a spouse. There are nights of tears that you may never see. There are days of intense loneliness they experience that other people may never know. Many of them have had to uniquely combine the roles and responsibilities of two people to raise balanced children.

“They provide the finances of two people, the attention of two people, the prayer of two people, the protection of two people, the strength of two people, the courage of two people, the diligence of two people, and the love of two people. Sometimes, they do this without sympathy or help from anyone.

“This requires a level of grace that many may never encounter. Legitimately single parents are worthy of celebration. If you have a mother or father that has been working alone to ensure you have all it takes to be all you need to be, you are living under the covering of rare and great grace. Appreciate them (in actions and words), love them, send money to them, celebrate them, and give them peace.

‘All parents deserve honour. But today, love on the ones doing the job alone.”

A woman who preferred anonymity in an interview with The Hope revealed all she and her siblings went through when they lost their father. The mother was a teacher then while the father earned a good pay from his work but things were never the same after the demise of the man.

According to her, all the mother had alongside borrowings from other sources went into their education. Infact, some of them had to wait for others to be through with their education before they could continue with theirs. Talking about the food they ate, she said they depended most time on their garden to feed noting that on several occasions they ate what they did not like because they had no choice.

“It will shock you to know that our father left few properties behind but his family took over because they feel it is their culture to do so and also because they feel our mother was responsible for her husband’s death! Why should a woman kill her husband when she has many children to cater for?” She asked.

This is not different from the stories being heard on daily basis. There are still families who take over properties of their relatives when they die; they have no conscience, they care less about what becomes of the deceased children. It is not uncommon to hear the family of the deceased say ‘he didn’t care for us during his lifetime’.

She expressed that those in this category forget the fact that they will one day die too. To say these set of people are lazy isn’t far from the truth because if they are well off, they will mind their business and stop intruding into another man’s affairs.

“Had the deceased being careless and lazy, he wouldn’t have anything to leave behind. ” She asked rhetorically.

She advised that the society should have a change of attitude towards single parents as they are the ones who mostly go extra mile to make ends meet. So many of them go out of their way to give the best to their children just to ensure that they fit into the society.

Speaking with The Hope, a teacher, Mrs Bola Adefemi, said that she became a product of single parenting at a tender age stating that she went through difficult situations while growing up.

“I was six years old when my parents got separated and my dad had to put me in a boarding school. I can say that I don’t know what it feels like to enjoy parents’ love. My dad got married to another woman and it was hell. It is not easy to grow up among strangers but I thank God because I am better off today. Most of the things my step mum forced me to do are now useful for me today. There was a time it was being rumoured that my dad was sleeping with me just because he used to take pity on me whenever I was overwhelmed with house chores.” She said.

Mr Adeogo Afolabi, an Engineer while speaking said that the ill treatment meted out to his mother by his late father’s relatives while growing up will never be forgotten in a hurry as she was reduced to nothing before them.

He said that the lessons learnt from those trying moments has become useful to him even as he prepares to begin his own family.

He said; ” I could remember when my uncle chased us out of our three bedroom flat in order to rent it out to outsiders. The most painful aspect is the fact that he called us bastards even with the glaring facial resemblance between him and us. So many times, my mother did menial jobs alongside her private job to cater for me and my two other siblings.

” At times as a boy, I joined my mother on construction site to ensure that the pay is increased so as to have more money to pay our school fees. Although it got to a point that she withdrew us from private school to a public one, she did more than her best to raise us to become useful to the society and also to prove to her in-laws that God she served is still God.” He said.

He further said that single parents go through a lot with each passing day  and implored that the stigmatisation should stop.

“The society should not tag them as witch especially the woman. When a man loses his wife, he remarries but in the case of the woman, she dares not, why? our society!.”. He lamented.

“The woman needs the support of all. Let us stop the criticism. It is not her wish to live without her husband. It is not a palatable experience to raise children alone without the presence of the husband. It is not easy for a woman alone to discipline the children. Children tend to fear the father more than the mother. Single mothers who have raised responsibility children should be given accolades as it takes the grace of God.” Afolabi urged.