By Maria Famakinwa
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The death of my husband on February  24th, 2011 in a motor accident along Lagos /Ibadan Express Way put an abrupt end to our plans to give our three children the best education money can afford,” said Asake Arolalo, a 52-year-old trader from Ibadan, Oyo State as she narrated her ordeals to The Hope.

 She went further, ” While I was still mourning my husband a month after he was buried, his family members came to ask for the car key and I told them that it was an official car but they did not believe me thinking that I have hidden the car until one of  my husband colleagues confirmed it. That was not all, they came back after the 40 days prayer held for the repose of the departed to force me and my children out of the house my husband and I built with our sweat claiming  that I was not legally married to him coupled with my refusal to marry my late husband’s brother who was struggling to feed his two wives and six children. I wanted to take it up legally, but was advised not to risk my life and that of my children. Till now, I heard nothing from them but God has been sustaining us.”

For Mrs Victoria Ayela, a 48-year-old mother of four from Kwara State, the devastating effect and pain of losing her husband of 17years still remains a mystery even as she was accused of killing him. “I was accused of killing my husband by his family despite their knowledge of his deteriorating health condition and admission in the hospital. I am presently in a legal battle with his family over three of my husband properties in Lagos where we lived and worked before his death three years ago because my husband did not write a will.”

 The case of Mrs Grace Agu, a 56-year-old mother of five from Aguata Local Government of Anambra State was another pathetic story of widow’s plights in the country.” When my husband died in April 2009, I was accused of killing him and was forced to drink concoction to prove my innocence.  I sat  on a mat for a week after they forcefully shaved my hair. I was compelled to wear black mourning attire for six months and was confined indoors.

 “After overcoming this terrible experience, I returned back to Lagos to pick the pieces of my life and struggle to feed my children. I was surprised to see another family occupying a two -bedroom uncompleted building we were living before the death of my husband. I saw our property packed outside and I asked who they were, only to be told that they were the new tenants who just moved in a month ago. They showed me their tenancy receipt issued to them by my late husband’s brother.

 “I thanked God who saw me through what I described as the darkest day of my life because I knew a 38-year-old young woman from the same state who did not survive the torture she went through from her late husband’s family who accused her of inflicting her 46-year-old husband with a strange sickness that led to his death. The woman died nine months after the death of her husband leaving their three children ages 15, 12 and nine at the mercy of the hostile husband’s family.”

 Widows all over the world, Nigeria in particular are daily confronted with the feeling of rejection, persecution and loneliness. They are left in deep shock and disbelieve to see that the husband’s families who once cherished them and asked for their assistance now treat them like rag and labeled them bad luck, witches and all sorts of unprintable names at the sudden demise of their husbands.

 Some of their husbands’ loyalists while alive who are expected to extend hands of love to the  families left behind disapeared as most societies, offices, organisations in which their husbands were active are no longer taking cognisance of the affairs of widows left behind. Government only remember them during the World Widow Day annual celebration as few people give them gifts and food items when it is festive period. The untold emotional trauma  widows are subjected to is better imagined than experienced.

 Due to this pain and inhuman treatment meted out to women who lost their husbands, some women prefer to die before their husbands since the culture of the land sees nothing wrong if a man’s wife died suddenly, instead, the man will be encouraged to marry another wife to overcome loneliness. No wonder some term Nigeria to be a male world.

 The Hope spoke with the immediate past Chairperson of International Federation of Women Lawyer (FIDA), Ondo State chapter, Barr. Olubunmi Niyi Arajuwa on how to protect widows against maltreatment.  She lamented the agony and emotional torture most women were subjected to after the death of their husbands as she revealed that the state has laws that protect right of widows, but most widows  make it difficult for them to be protected because of their refusal to seek justice. “I wouldn’t say may be they are ignorant of the law or the right that protects them because some of their educated children know about the laws that protect widows but their mothers will prevent them from speaking out on the basis that it is a long standing tradition that must not be eroded.

“To them, disobeying such tradition can make them to be sent out of their husbands house and might not allowed the children to inherit what the father left behind. There are lots of law protecting widows in the state, any woman subjected to pain and  psychological  torture due to her husband death should speak out.  They have a lots of right protected by law for them to get justice.”

 Arajuwa, who faulted some cultures that are against the right of women observed that some of them were made in the 50s and calls for adjustment to fit into today’s world. “We are not saying that they should not obey culture but there are some that are against the right of women for instance, if a woman die, the man is not made to go through any inhuman treatment why then should they discriminate against women by shaving their hair, sit on the floor, wear black mourning attire without bathing for days, force them to drink the bathwater from the corpse to prove their innocence, taking away her husband property among others. These are the areas we need to adjust.”

Reacting to the question that some widows do not seek justice due to financial challenges said that there are some associations like FIDA, Public Defender, Legal Aid Council set up by the government for people whose right are infringe upon to seek redress without paying anything. “I want to urged widows who are being persecuted for the death of their husbands to come and complain, this is the only way we can address their plights when we use two or more people as scapegoats, it will serve as deterrent to others.”