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Thursday, December 1, 2022

Sad tales of love turned sour and increasing suicide

By Sunmola Olowookere

Love can be the most heady and exciting emotions when the going is good. However, when love goes sour, it is as if the world has come to an end for the partner that is deserted.

For Modupe Ogunleye, heartbreak is the most painful and excruciating experience after labour pains. Although married with two kids, she still recollect with nostalgia how she was dumped after six years courtship when her beau impregnated another lady.

She told The Hope that in the six years they courted, she had seven abortions for him because he would beg her to do the abortion, saying he was not ready to father a child just yet. She narrated how she could not deny him anything he asked for because she loved him with every fiber of her being. She said he was a civil servant and he had proposed marriage to her just he felt he was not financially capable to keep a family.

She stated that it was in the sixth year that a young secondary school leaver came with her parents claiming he impregnated her and wanted her to have an abortion. The parents of the young girl dumped her in his apartment and demanded that he must marry her since he put her in the family way.

Ogunleye stated that he tried as much as he could but he could not wriggle free from their clutches. 

“Despite his protests and struggle,  he was forced to marry the girl and that was how I had to step aside,” she lamented.

She narrated the various suicidal feelings that filled her, saying nothing seemed to matter to her when she had to walk away from a relationship of six years.

Her words: “I was no longer eating well and my appearance  looked unkempt as I walked about in shock for a very long time. But for my family and friends that kept a close tab on me, I would have ended it. I find it hard to blame those that committed suicide. When you love deeply as I did, you would feel like dying when faced with such a heartbreak. Although happily married now, I still remember the six wasted years of my life with regret”.

Why some commit suicide after breakup

Many women had taken the plunge and simply decided to end their lives when they were dumped. Recently a woman was reported to have plunged into the lagoon after a supposed argument with her fiance. She died in the process.

She had a great career and life going for her but felt none of this was worth it, following the spat with her beau. However, none of the reports could establish that they broke up during the altercation. She must have felt life was no longer worth living when she took the plunge.

 For a 23-year-old hair stylist, Motunrayo Balogun, luck was very much active when she decided to take her own life. Despite the fact that she was gainfully employed and still very young, she might have felt that her world was over when her lover walked away from the relationship.

The young lady had reportedly attempted committing suicide after she was allegedly dumped by her boyfriend in Akure South Local Government area of Ondo State. She consumed a poisonous substance popularly known  as Sniper.

Balogun had been enjoying a smooth relationship with her boyfriend and findings revealed that both lovebirds were very close and always seen together until he opened up to her that he was no longer interested in the relationship.

This was barely two weeks on the heels of the story of a DSS officer in Lagos  who jumped into  the river after she reportedly had an altercation with her fiance.

Balogun was saved in the nick of time as her mother discovered her slumped body with an empty bottle of the dreaded substance by her hands.

The mother rushed her to the nearest hospital where she was revived.

Although reports indicated that women suffer heartbreak more, some recent reports have shown that men too could be heartbroken from a failed relationship.

One of such was a student of Oko Polytechnic who recently committed suicide over a failed relationship.

According to media reports, the incident happened a week ago at Federal Polytechnic, Oko, Orumba Local Government area of Anambra State.

It was gathered that the man who was a final year student of the polytechnic was already doing his Industrial Attachment (IT), preparatory to graduation when he was jilted by his lover. Prior to the incident that led to his suicide, the deceased was described by his friends as one who was “full of energy and life, and an intelligent boy with close to 7 distinctions — (First class)”.

A student of Public Administration in his final year, he was said to be undergoing his internship and decided to stay in Oko for his one year industrial training

His girlfriend had recently broken up with him which devastated him, and on Friday, when he couldn’t endure it, he was said to have drunk sniper, a deadly insecticide and died.

When love goes sour and one of the parties walked away from relationships, the hurt party is often besieged with myriads of negative emotions. While some feel emotions of self destruction because they feel that they can no longer get love, others are vengeful and are often bent on inflicting harm on the estranged lover.

Love related murder scenarios

Recently, an ex-convict in Okitipupa Local Government area of Ondo State set his wife ablaze along with five children she had from a previous marriage. Although she managed to escape with the baby in her arms,  her five children were not so lucky when she left them to their fate and ran for her life.

The five children were badly burnt by the fire and three of them eventually gave up the ghost at the hospital. The man who is in his sixties did not deny committing the crime. He claimed he was angry because his wife denied him sex and he wanted to punish her which made him set fire on his own house along with the occupants.

Police investigation revealed that he was also accused of killing his first wife which should have served as a red herring for the mother of the dead children that he could be dangerous if crossed.

Tales of men burning their wives are not new. Few years ago, a man also set his wife’s room ablaze after wetting her mattress with petrol while she slept.

The man, Daniyan Ojo committed the offence in 2019 around Irese, Akure. He accused her of having a secret property among other offences. The children told the police that their  father bought petrol on the said date, despite the fact that their generator was faulty.

According to eye witness accounts, she woke up enveloped by flames of fire. Residents were unable to rescue her on time because her door was locked with the key taken. By the time the door was broken down, Dorcas Daniyan had been badly burnt and she rushed out with her body in flames into the waiting arms of residents that quickly rushed her to the nearest hospital.

While all these went on, Daniyan was nowhere to be found. He was however apprehended by the police as his wife died three days after treatment at the Federal Medical Center, Owo.

In the same trend, a promising young man, Sadiq Owolabi Dahiru, had met with untimely death in Lekki, Lagos, after he was stabbed to death by his girlfriend simply identified as Esther. The young lady is now cooling off her temper with the police.

According to police sources, the stepfather of the deceased, Kazeem Obafunso, reported at the Ilasan police station that Esther stabbed his 21year-old step son.

Police officers were drafted to the scene where they moved the deceased to the Evercare hospital in Lekki Phase 1 where he was confirmed dead by the doctors. Esther was immediately arrested, while the knife she allegedly used to commit the crime was recovered.

The body of the deceased has been deposited at the IDH Mortuary, Yaba for preservation and autopsy.

Experts opinion on suicide

A renowned Nigerian psychiatrist, Dr Maymunah Yusuf Kadiri described suicide as the fourth largest cause of death in the world.

He raised the question of why suicide is becoming  more common in Nigeria.

National statistics have shown a noticeable increase in the cases of suicide across Nigeria. Although it is pertinent to note here that not all of them are love related, people continue to jump off the Lagos Third Mainland Bridge into the Lagoon, or ingest ‘Sniper’, which has become popular since it is an easily available poison.

While describing suicide as a tragedy that has a lasting impact on the survivors, including the families, communities, and entire nations, he noted that apart from 703 000 suicides recorded per year worldwide, many more people attempt suicide.

His words “Suicide is a common cause of mortality, that affects people of all ages. It is the fourth largest cause of death worldwide, among those aged 15 to 29. This is a global issue that affects all parts of the world, not only high-income nations. In fact, low and middle-income nations such as Nigeria, accounted for more than 77 account of all incidents worldwide.

“Mental illnesses and relationship break ups among other reasons, have been fingered as the major causes of depression and the drive to kill oneself, which are becoming more widespread in Nigeria and are currently manifesting in a rise in the number of suicides.

“Although there is a strong correlation between mental disorders and suicide in high-income countries, particularly depression and alcohol use disorders, many suicides occur impulsively in times of crisis due to stresses occassioned by financial difficulty and relationship breakups.”

Also reacting to the issue of love related crimes, a relationship expert and marriage counsellor, Pastor Benson Onala urged people especially women, not to see breakups in relationships as always negative, as oftentimes it could open them up to relationship options that would better their lot.

“Breakups, although painful especially for those madly in love, is not the end. God has good things in the offing for all his children. It is probably not God’s plan for them to get married to those people, so they should not despair when they are rejected by people they loved and had invested in. The plans of God over their lives would be fulfilled “.

He warned against suicide, murder and assaults all in the name of love saying that it is a crime against Humanity and God. He said that he had counselled many people going through rejection by their partners noting that they need constant love, support and monitoring to get out of the phase.

He called for understanding, saying that women are the worst hit during break ups, especially if age is no longer on their side. He urged such people to believe more in themselves  and build their self esteem so that when they go through break ups they would not feel that it is the end of the world.

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