… amid reference to case of 14-yr old boy bedded by female teacher

Mary Agidi writes on sexual abuse of the boy child noting that the menace could result in psychological trauma and attitudinal change at adulthoold if not checked.

Sexual abuse of minors has become a terrible societal ill that must be curbed as it could mar the future of innocent children following undue exposure.

Like the girl child, the boy child is now coming under attack and also needs protection from paedophiles.

A female teacher, Mariam Idris, was arrested for an alleged sexual assault of a 14-year old boy in  the Ago Iwoye axis of Ogun State. She was accused of sexually assaulting the boy, since December 23, 2024, in her room in the town. The teacher was arraigned before an Ogun State Magistrate’s Court, Ago Iwoye for allegedly assaulting the boy. The Prosecutor said she had assaulted the boy eight times before she was caught and made to face the music.

Girls are assumed to be more susceptible to harassment, be it sexual or domestic violence. The female gender is seen as the weaker version of the male gender right from the creation of man, who suffers dominance by the male gender who is said to possess nine ribs compared to her seven ribs, the reason the female gender is categorised as  vulnerable.

 This assumption or belief has given rise to protective approaches, campaigns and different advocacy programmes to champion the interest of the girl-child to save her from abuse and subjugation.

The special treatment and concentration accorded the female gender, which are evident in special observances like the International Day of the Girl-child, and Pad-a-Girl, among others, continue till womanhood when they are given a special government ministry that focuses on issues relating to gender.

Meanwhile, the male gender is believed to possess a kind of innate ability to handle situations alone. This notion has caused unconscious negligence of the feelings of the male gender right from boyhood.  Conversely, the boy child has been secretly falling victim to sexual abuse by older female individuals who may be their relatives or caregivers and they continue to experience it till adulthood.

A story about a 13-year old boy who was sexually molested by his biological mother was narrated by a Radio host in Lagos, Nkechi Ndiaye. According to the report which was published by the BBC Pigin mid-last year, the mother transferred the emotional attachment she had with her late husband to the boy, claiming that “he looks just like his father”. This dirty practice came to public knowledge when the boy decided to tell his principal what he had been doing with her mother. According to him, the act started gradually when his father died and the mother couldn’t stopped crying, until she started cajoling him to be touching her body for consolation. From touching of body, it graduated to sexual intercourse.

Meanwhile, when a call was put to the mother by the Radio host, she claimed it was the handiwork of the devil, and that he was a replica of his father, begging for forgiveness. This reveals the level of sexual harassment boys are experiencing, unnoticed. 

 This abuse against the boy child is easily meted out to him unnoticed because his gender is not assumed to be susceptible to any danger that can affect his education and health like the girl-child who can be impregnated, or prone to diseases associated with early exposure to sexual intercourse like the vaginal fistula, and damage to the uterus resulting in infertility problems.

The sexual molestation of the boy-child has been in existence for decades, but because the victims grow up with it without confessing to their parents or guardians, it seems as if only the girl-child suffers sexual abuse.

Interaction with some adult men who confessed to have been victims of sexual abuse in their boyhood days, revealed that the act has one or two negative effects on their sexual relationships later in life.

Starting revelation on how female house-helps molest male children

Speaking anonymously, a 51-year old victim of sexual abuse in Akure, bitterly narrated how he was sexually harassed by their female housekeeper at age six.

According to him, since boys don’t suffer pain during the act, unlike girls who experience the break of the hymen, accompanied by pain, they see the act as fun anytime the perpetrator indulges them in it, till they gradually start to develop sexual feelings with high urge that compel them to yearn for it often.

He disclosed how he battled masturbation,  despite being married. This calls for the question if masturbation has anything to do with the sexual abuse of boys in childhood.

He revealed how he overcame the challenge with spiritual exercise when it was becoming uncontrollable and embarrassing, confessing that he masturbated twice an hour while on a trip outside Nigeria, saying, “It was as if I was in hell”.

His words: “I went to boarding school of boys only and I was sexually exposed to sex at age six by our househelp. So when sent to boarding school, I used to cut pictures of fine girls in Ikebe super magazines and used it to imagine that I was having sex with the image”.

Asked why boys don’t discuss the experience with their parents and why parents are not curious if their boys can be sexually abused the way they show concern for their daughters, he said: “We do enjoy it, though it is an abuse. We are boys and taught or cajoled to be secretive. We don’t get pregnant and the penis is outside, which reduces the risk of infections unlike a female whose vaginal is inside the  receiving end”. 

Another victim, a 48-year old Lawyer also shared how he was exposed to sex at age nine through one of the aunties living in his father’s extended compound in Owo.

According to him, his mother used to leave him in the care of his aunt while going to market, unknown to her that the aunty had been using him to satisfy her sexual urge. This, he affirmed affected his sexual relationships in life.

A young man of age 33 in Akure also narrated how he developed feelings for older women due to the abuse he suffered in boyhood from one aunt who was a co-tenant with his parents. According to him, it has been difficult for him to maintain a sexual relationship with his female agemates or younger ladies as a result of the experience.

The late ace broadcaster in Ondo State and pioneer anchor of the popular TV show, Ijoko Ojogbon, Deacon Lekan Olanrewaju, who died at 67 in 2023, had revealed in one of his books how he was deflowered by his senior female school mate during his secondary school days.

His case is a convincing evidence of how sexual abuse of boys has been existing for decades without much concentration on it.

Negative behaviours traced to childhood habits

 Some negative behaviours displayed by some men are in one way or another connected to their boyhood experiences, says Mr. Taiwo Akinlami, a victim of abuse in Lagos. Now a child Advocate, Akinlami lamented that boychild abuse remains unreported, unlike girls. According to him, within the school system, 24% of boys are sexually molested as against 15% of girls.

Speaking on the issue, Mrs. Lydia Esan, founder of St. Joavics Foundation advocated aggressive awareness to educate the boy-child about the abuse. She averred that, though boys couldn’t be impregnated like girls, they can be exposed to infections like hepatitis B& C, HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases.

“It can cause psychological trauma and attitudinal change for them. They may find it difficult to even develop feelings for girls.  We should increase our awareness among boys because we focus more on girls. We should put in more sensitization for boys. The parents have a great role to play and be more proactive. As they are giving sex education to girls, they should also give it to boys. Charity begins at home. Male children are always neglected and it is not supposed to be so.

“Meanwhile, boys are curious and aware of the special treatment given to their female counterparts in the society and this might have caused them to develop a kind of disregard towards the women folk in response,” she asserted.

A Pastor in a Pentecostal church, in his sermons on deliverance from evil spirits, categorised masturbation as one of the signs of having a spiritual spouse, rather than being the effect of child abuse at boyhood.

Myths and facts surrounding boys’ abuse

In an article on “Myths and Facts on Sexual Abuse of Boys”, published by Action Heal in response to the assumption that boys who were sexually molested cannot grow up to become real men, the writer says, “Boys are not men. They are children. They are weaker and more vulnerable than those who sexually abuse or exploit them – who use their greater size, strength and knowledge to manipulate or coerce boys into unwanted sexual experiences and staying silent. This is usually done from a position of authority (e.g., coach, teacher, religious leader) or status (e.g. older cousin, admired athlete, social leader), using whatever means available to reduce resistance, such as attention, special privileges, money or other gifts, promises or bribes, and even outright threats.

“What happens to any of us as children does not need to define us as adults or men. It is important to remember that 1 in 6 boys were sexually abused before age 18 and that those boys can grow up to be strong, powerful, courageous and healthy men”.

The assumption that boys do enjoy the act of abuse is also described as a myth. “ In reality, premature, coerced or otherwise abusive or exploitive sexual experiences are never positive – whether they are imposed by an older sister, sister of a friend, babysitter, neighbour, aunt, mother or any other female in a position of power over a boy. They almost always harm boys’ and men’s capacities for trust and intimacy.

“Being sexually abused whether by males or females, can cause a variety of other emotional and psychological problems. However, boys and men often don’t recognise the connections between what happened and their later problems. To be used as a sexual object by a more powerful person, male or female, is never a good thing, and can cause lasting harm”.

Empowering the boy child for a balanced future

In many societies, the boy child is often expected to embody only strength and resilience, leaving little room for emotional expression and vulnerability, hence, the reason they’re being abused unnoticed. The overweening nature of the male gender started since boyhood when they would endure uneasiness and pain, thinking they could solve their problems alone.

Also, the myth that “Men Don’t Cry”, has sent many to early grave due to failure to share their bittered experiences for counselling.

According to the Chief Executive Officer of MercySpeaks Initiatives for Development and Empowerment in Akure, Mrs. Mercy Roland, it is  high time this narrative about the boychild was challenged. She emphasised the need to encourage boys not to see expression of their emotions, especially painful experiences, as a weakness.

She said: “We believe the boy child is more than just physical strength—he is purpose, wisdom, and leadership in motion. Boys deserve to be raised in environments that nurture their full human potential, encouraging them to grow beyond outdated stereotypes.

“For too long, societal expectations have told boys to suppress their emotions, equating sensitivity with weakness. “But we say to every boy: you are allowed to feel, to dream, and to heal. Emotional intelligence is a strength, not a flaw. It is essential for building a healthy identity, forming meaningful relationships, and becoming a responsible adult. Your voice matters, your dreams are valid, and your healing is important.

“The future of our communities depends on how well we prepare our boys to become responsible men. Boys should not be seen or raised as weapons of aggression but as builders, peacemakers, and visionaries. This requires intentional education, mentorship, and support systems that cultivate empathy, respect, and positive masculinity.

“To every boy child reading this: you are not forgotten. You are the future, and we believe in you. You are not just strength; you are the heart of tomorrow’s peace, development, and progress”.

Advocacy is now going on recently for parents to also encourage their boy-child to speak up against sexual abuse. This has also led to the dedication of a day to celebrate the boy-child on every May 16th which was adopted by the United Nations in the year 2018.