By Josephine Oguntoyinbo

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V  isiting a fiancé’s mother is a significant moment in any relationship, often seen as a step towards deeper family bonds.  Many ladies wonder whether they should bring a gift during this visit. While it is not a strict rule, bringing a thoughtful gift can be a wonderful gesture.

In a chat with Feminine line,  a marriage counsellor, Mrs Titilayo Adedeji, explained that when visiting a fiancé’s mother, going with a gift is a thoughtful gesture that shows respect and appreciation. She stated that although it is not mandatory, it is considered good manners, especially when visiting their home for dinner or staying over.

   According to her, many women ask this question, noting that it depends on the kind of family one is marrying into. She encouraged women to ask their partners about the family’s traditions, philosophies, and beliefs before the visit.

   “This will help you know what to do, what to expect, and how to compose yourself. Don’t just get excited, lose control, and end up making a poor impression in front of your future mother-in-law,” she advised.

   She, however, cautioned against always bringing a gift on the first visit, as some mothers may see it as bribery.  Other people may know you are a giver and very generous, but wisdom should be applied when giving to someone you are not yet familiar with.

   “Depending on your fiancé’s response, you may choose to give a gift on the first, second, or third visit. Ask your fiancé what she likes.  Some mothers will appreciate anything you give, while others are very selective. You wouldn’t be happy if your carefully chosen gift goes unappreciated after spending your hard-earned money on it.”

   Mrs Adedeji also noted that in many families, it is more acceptable for a man to bring a gift on a first visit without consulting his fiancée.

   She said: “It creates the impression that they have the capacity to take care of their daughters.  That’s the way some families think, though not all, anyway.  However, a woman should consult her partner before buying a gift for the first visit, especially in an African setting.”

   The counsellor also reminded women to dress well and decently, greet according to the culture, speak only when necessary, answer questions diplomatically, and apply wisdom in all aspects of their visit.

The significance of a gift:

A gift serves as a token of respect, appreciation, and goodwill. It can help create a positive first impression or strengthen an existing bond.  Even if the fiancé’s mother insists that a gift isn’t necessary, a small gesture can show thoughtfulness and effort in building a relationship with the family.

Cultural and family expectations:

Different cultures and families have varying expectations regarding gift-giving.  In some cultures, arriving empty-handed may be seen as impolite, while in others, gifts might not be expected at all.  It is helpful to discuss with your fiancé what his mother might appreciate and whether it is a common practice in their family.

Choosing the right gift:

Selecting an appropriate gift depends on the personality and interests of the fiancé’s mother.

When not to bring a gift:

While gifts are generally appreciated, there are situations where they may not be necessary: If the visit is informal and spontaneous; If the fiancé’s mother has explicitly mentioned that gifts are unnecessary;  if it is a repeated visit and you have already established a comfortable relationship.

   Bringing a gift while visiting your fiancé’s mother is a kind and respectful gesture, but it should come from the heart rather than obligation. A simple, thoughtful present can help ease nerves, create a warm atmosphere, and leave a lasting impression. Ultimately, what matters most is sincerity and effort.

   Remember, the gift itself is less important than the thought and effort behind it. Showing your fiancé’s mother that you care and are willing to make an effort to build a relationship with her is what truly matters.