Should a woman punish her husband’s ‘side chick’?
By Temitope Bamigboye
The side chick issue is an age-long battle that most women still don’t know how to deal with. Loving your cheating husband but not knowing how to get rid of his side chick can be frustrating. The side chick is not unknown in modern relationships, or in relationships of previous eras for that matter.
She is the mistress, the other woman, the one who never comes home, the hidden one that no one knows, the force behind the scenes that the man cannot resist. The side chick is the babe over whom the man is willing to risk it all.
Urban Dictionary defines it as, “a female that is neither a male’s wife or girlfriend who has relations with the male while he is in another relationship.” The first thought that appears in mind is generally, a “homewrecker” or other demeaning terms that define a woman who uses her power to dominate the mind of a man who is already unavailable. This is the simplest way of how we justify their actions and behavior.
To better explain the side chick position, we must agree on one thing before anything else: without the conscious decision of a man who is already in a relationship, the “side chick” position wouldn’t be a thing. And yes, I am aware that there are women out there who are also romantically involved with a third person in their relationships. Take it from someone who has had more or less the same experience of playing this role; it’s better to be independent.
Some women are content with this position, they want nothing less, nothing more. For others, they lie and pretend that they are content. Hate it or love it, it is nothing more than a place of entertainment for the male. The term “side chick” has become more prevalent and normalized in our society, that there are men who refer to their girlfriend or wife as his “main chick,” boldly implying that she isn’t the only woman in their life. You may ask, “Why must they mess around with a man who’s already taken?”
Women with men that keep late night and quietly tiptoe through the front door late in the night would likely wonder ‘what is special about her?!’ ‘what does she have that I don’t?’ and ‘what does she give you that I don’t?’
But the essence of those questions remains the same all the time. Women want to know what it is about the side chick that makes her a better woman than they are.
A lot of women have shared their opinions about how far a woman should punish her hubby’s side chick. Most women in the society we are today don’t really care about their hubby’s side chick rather they focus on themselves and their children and as for their husbands all they are concerned about him is for him to perform his duties as a husband and father. In the society we are today 90% of married men are engaged extra marital affair only God knows why men cheats, they are never satisfied with one woman and if you question them they will be like they are polygamous in nature, they want to have a taste of different women.
And because they know the kind of society we are that women don’t really have a say when it comes to marital issue. Nowadays people go to court for joining in holy matrimony so that their partner will not cheat on them, they believe this will be able curb their partner from cheating but I can say this doesn’t give guarantee that the man will not cheat, it only God that knows why men cheat.
As I have gathered 80% of women did not support the notion of punishing side chicks, they are mainly concerned about the man (husband) they were like they don’t have business with the side chicks but their husbands who can’t control himself and not contended with what he has that the side chick is not an issue.
As narrated by Fadare Jaiyeola,reffering to a woman as a side chick is an insult to both the woman and the Man who is befriending her. In African traditional culture as well as Islamic culture, the wife already in the house should help her husband to choose a well behaved woman as her co-wife and have a harmonious relationship before and after the wedding ceremony.
In African culture, older wives marry young girls for their husbands. A good wife should not be troublesome, she should avoid interfering with her husband’s female friends who can end up being her co-wife in African traditional context. Her duty is to take care of the home.
A correspondent (name withheld) in her words ” it’s not in your place as a wife to punish the side chick. Your partner should be the one working on his loyalty. As a wife why would you fight your hubby’s side chick? She did absolutely nothing to you. Wife who confronts the side chick surrenders the psychological advantage to the side chick. Suddenly the side chick knows that the wife is just as insecure as she is, and realizes a chance for promotion no matter how slight.
The side chick could be violent, the husband is then put on the defensive, and may decide that he doesn’t want the wife anyway. The issues of broken trust from the wife’s confrontation may prove insurmountable and wreck the marriage.
It’s never a good idea to confront the side chick. Instead the wife can deal with the fact that her husband has wanderlust,accept her status as the number 1 woman and use it to her advantage. Or she pushes for a divorce immediately. It’s not the side chic’s fault anyway. The side chic is not the one that has a marriage contract with the wife.
Also, a Student, Doris Chijioke said that “she is just by the ‘side’ He gets to openly take me around without shame or fear of being caught coz am his main chick am wey to bigger than any side LovePeddler approaching her is just like belittling myself and besides it is a silly act why would I attack the side chick when I can easily sit him down and ask him reasons he’s into her and amend ways.
Reacting, Balogun Olajumoke has this to say “In this part of the world, when a man has a side chick, they tell the woman to be praying for her husband in order to win him back to her and to continue be a good woman to the man even when the man is unfaithful. So what can the woman do? It is assumed that the only thing a woman can do is to be prayerful. I personally don’t advise anybody to do anything to the side chick, she is not the problem here, why don’t you punish your husband instead? No one deserves to be in an unhealthy relationship. The woman should not bother to punish a side chick, punishing the side chick won’t make the man stop messing around.”
Another wife, Mrs. Stella Bamigboye said she doesn’t support the notion of women punishing side chicks .
“ it was the man that approached her and besides most of these men don’t tell these ladies that they are married hence they lead them on in love. It is not the girl’s fault for dating your man, don’t punish any lady for dating your man.”
She also advised young ladies not to involve themselves in dating a married man.
“The issue of side chick has cost a lot of women their marriages because their husbands no longer show them love. He spends more time outside and the excuse he gives is “work”.
“Some women have accepted their fate. They create the happiness and focus more on themselves and children but deep down their heart, they are not satisfied with the fact that their hubby has another woman.
“As a reasonable woman, how could you allow yourself to be the other woman? you want the man to address you as side chick. it is a slap on your face. Do unto others what you want them to do unto you and what goes around comes around. ” she concluded.