With Josephine Oguntoyinbo
When many parents give their daughters out in marriage, they often believe their parental duties have ended. With a satisfied smile, they dust their hands and utter phrases like, “You’re now on your own o,” or “Marriage is a place of no return.” Others add, “Endure whatever your eyes see there,” as though marriage is a prison where pain must be silently endured.
At face value, these statements sound like wise counsel, a call to maturity and perseverance. But beneath them lies a dangerous silence, one that discourages communication, isolates women emotionally and makes many feel completely abandoned by the same parents who once promised unconditional love.
Of course, no responsible parent wishes their child to fail in marriage. Every father and mother wants their child to stay happily married, to raise children in peace and joy, and to avoid the stigma of divorce. Their intentions are good, but the delivery is often deeply flawed.
Words carry spirit. When a parent says, “You are now on your own,” it unconsciously sends a message of disconnection, that whatever happens henceforth, she must face it alone. Such statements make it difficult for the daughter to seek help when she faces challenges or abuse in her home.
Marriage, though beautiful, is not without its teething challenges. It brings together two people from different backgrounds, temperaments and beliefs. Adjustment takes time, patience and sometimes, external guidance. This is where the role of parents remains crucial even after marriage.
Instead of detaching emotionally, parents should choose words that reassure their daughters of continued support. Statements like, “We’ll be right here when you need us,” or “It won’t be easy at first, but we trust you to handle it,” build confidence and emotional security.
Parents should also keep the lines of communication open. “If you ever need to talk, we’ll be ready to listen,” or “There’ll be tough days, dear; let us know when you need help,” are powerful expressions that remind her she still has a home to fall back on emotionally.
A married daughter should not feel like a stranger to her parents. Regular check-ins, a phone call, a visit, or a simple “How are you settling in?” can make a world of difference. These gestures not only strengthen her, but also remind her she is loved beyond the ring on her finger.
Unfortunately, many parents, once their daughters are married, focus solely on material benefits. They begin to call only to ask for money, or worse still, to pressure her about pregnancy. “When will you give us a grandchild?” becomes the new refrain, while her emotional and mental well-being are ignored.
Marriage is not a classroom where lessons are learned overnight. A new wife needs guidance, patience and understanding. She is navigating unfamiliar waters, new family dynamics, responsibilities and expectations. Without the right support, the transition can become overwhelming.
It is heartbreaking that many women today are suffering in silence. Behind smiling photos and beautiful social media posts are daughters who cry themselves to sleep, unable to speak to their own parents because they fear being judged, dismissed, or told to “endure.”
If only parents could be more approachable, many marriages would be healthier. Many daughters would seek advice early, before small misunderstandings grow into unmanageable crises. But instead, fear of being labeled “immature” or “weak” keeps them locked in pain.
This is not to say parents should encourage separation or quick exits from marriage at the slightest disagreement. Rather, they should provide wise counsel, offer prayerful support and intervene when things get dangerous or toxic. A listening ear can save a life.
The truth is, parental roles don’t end at marriage; they only evolve. The same love that nurtured a daughter into womanhood must now guide her through the complexities of married life. She still needs her parents, not to control her home, but to anchor her emotionally.
To every father and mother, be the safe place your daughter can turn to when marriage becomes tough. Let her know she can talk without fear, cry without judgement and seek help without shame. That is what true parenting means.
Cheers to the hands-on parents who still call, listen, and pray with their married children. Your support is saving marriages and preserving lives. May you truly reap the fruits of your labour not just in weddings, but in the lasting happiness of your daughters.