By Josephine Oguntoyinbo

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As you prepare to spend the rest of your life with your partner, it is essential to have open and honest discussions about your core values. These are the fundamental principles that guide your decisions, behaviours, and relationships. Core values form the foundation upon which your life is built and play a significant role in shaping your identity.

Discussing your core values with your partner before marriage can benefit your relationship in several ways:

1. Build a stronger foundation

When you and your partner share similar core values, you create a solid foundation for your relationship. You will be more likely to support each other’s goals, aspirations and decisions.

2. Avoid potential conflicts

By discussing your core values, you can identify potential areas of conflict and address them before they escalate into major issues.

3. Develop a deeper understanding

Exploring your core values with your partner can help you gain a deeper understanding of each other’s thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

4. Create a shared vision

When you and your partner share common values, you can develop a unified vision for your future together.

Core Values to discuss are;

1. Family and Relationships:

What importance do you place on family and relationships? How do you define a successful family dynamic?

2. Financial Management

How do you approach financial decision-making? What are your spending habits, and how do you prioritise saving?

3. Personal Growth and Development

How important is personal growth to you? What steps do you take to continually learn and improve?

4. Health and wellness

What value do you place on physical and mental health? How do you prioritise self-care and wellness?

5. Spirituality and faith

What role does spirituality or faith play in your life? How do you incorporate your spiritual beliefs into your daily routine?

6. Work-life balance

How do you balance work and personal life? What importance do you place on leisure time and relaxation?

7. Social Responsibility

What value do you place on giving back to your community? How do you engage in social responsibility and philanthropy?

8. Integrity and Honesty

How important are integrity and honesty to you? How do you demonstrate these values in your daily life?

Tips for Discussing Core Values are,

1. Schedule dedicated time

Set aside specific time to discuss your core values with your partner, free from distractions.

2. Create a safe and open environment

Ensure both partners feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.

3. Use ‘I’ statements

Express your thoughts and feelings using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory or confrontational.

4. Listen actively

Make an effort to truly listen to your partner’s perspective and understand their point of view.

5. Be patient and empathetic

Recognise that both of you have unique experiences and perspectives. Approach these conversations with patience and empathy.

A counsellor, Mrs Biola Adejiyan, who spoke with Feminine Line on the topic, described values as the beliefs held by an individual or social group in which they have an emotional investment, whether for or against.

She outlined the critical role that values play in a successful relationship, which include proactively addressing issues, maintaining accountability between partners, influencing daily behaviour both inside and outside the home, and shaping relationships with your spouse, parents, in-laws, and children.

Mrs Adejiyan added that our values reflect our faith and guide us and our partners through the most challenging trials in marriage. They contribute to a more fulfilling and satisfying life together.

She posited that achieving a shared mission and vision in a relationship requires grace, honesty, loyalty, patience, communication, and forgiveness. For a relationship to thrive, couples must be intentional, empathetic, patient and committed to praying together.

Mrs Adejiyan emphasised that the efforts we invest in our relationships, not only strengthens our marriages, but also positively influence our children and the relationships they form in the future.