By Josephine Oguntoyinbo

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In many societies, especially within the African context, being single is often treated not as a phase of life, but as a problem that needs urgent correction. For women in particular, it becomes a defining label, a silent judgment, and unfortunately, a heavy burden.

But the truth is that singlehood is not a crisis. It is not a disease a curse, or a punishment. It is a legitimate stage of life, one that everyone must pass through before potentially stepping into the next phase: marriage.

Before a man cleaves to his wife, and before a woman moves in with her husband, they first live as individuals. And while it is culturally expected that this stage should eventually give way to marriage, there is no divine stopwatch ticking away someone’s worth or value based on how quickly they find a spouse.

Yet, when a woman reaches what society deems “marriageable age” and she is not yet married, the pressure begins—from family, friends, church members and even total strangers. It is as if her entire existence is suspended in the balance, waiting for a man to validate her life with a ring.

It becomes worse in societies where patriarchy thrives and a woman’s achievements mean little without a marital title. What many fail to understand is that some people are genuinely better off single. Others know within themselves that their current options for a spouse would lead only to pain, frustration or even regret. But due to pressure, they silence their instincts and mortgage their destinies on the altar of societal expectations.

It is heartbreaking to see people settle into marriages they have no peace about, all in a bid to “belong”. They subscribe to a toxic ideology that marriage is a burden to be endured, not a blessing to be enjoyed. But this narrative is deeply flawed. Marriage, at its core, is meant to be enjoyed—not to be endured.

One of the greatest disservices you can do to yourself is to rush into marriage just to escape singlehood. Many who did so now live in deep regrets. And that’s why we must say it louder: singlehood is not a curse. It is not a shameful delay. It is a season and seasons pass.

In a conversation with a counsellor, Mrs Tola Famuyide, she stated that single women often face unfair pressure and scrutiny.

According to her, “From societal expectations to pressure from family and friends, the weight of being single can be overwhelming. There is a lingering notion that marriage is the ultimate goal for women. Women are often expected to prioritise family and domestic life above all else.”

Mrs Famuyide posited that such expectations can lead to stress, anxiety and low self-esteem.

 “Women may feel forced to make choices based on societal demands rather than personal desires,” she explained.

 She, therefore, advised ladies to embrace independence and understand that success should not be defined solely by marital status.

 The counsellor encouraged women to pursue their passions and interests while waiting for the right man. By acknowledging and addressing these unfair pressures, she said society can become more inclusive and supportive of single women.

 Do the inner work

 While waiting, it is essential to do the inner work. Reflect on your character, your values, and your purpose. Are there habits or attitudes that might be driving good people away? Be honest with yourself. You need to be the right person to attract the right partner. Work on your confidence, emotional intelligence and self-awareness.

   Do not isolate yourself

 Friendliness matters. No one wants to introduce their cousin or brother to someone who is perpetually cold or hostile. Be approachable. Be warm. But also be discerning bad company still corrupts good morals.

    Take care of your appearance

   Attend to your appearance not for vanity, but as a reflection of self-love. Good grooming attracts respect. Looking good can sometimes open doors that a frown never will.

 Enjoy your singlehood

 Make memories, travel, learn, grow and serve. This season will not last forever. And once you cross into marriage, you will not get this time back. So, do not waste it wallowing in self-pity or anxiety. Live fully and joyfully.

 Because you are not less without a ring. You are not lacking just because you haven’t walked down the aisle. You are whole, valuable and worthy, just as you are. And when the right person comes, he will not  only complete you, but he will complement you.