By Kemi Olatunde

|

Marriage is the highest stage of friendship where you fall in love many times with the same person.  Marriage is an institution that admits man and woman to family life. It is a stable relationship in which a man and a woman are socially permitted to live together without losing their status in the community.

Marriage is not merely about the couple; rather it affects the whole society and future generations. The responsibilities it entrusts a couple with are thus both heavy and delicate  Marriage is the union of two people in love, looking for companionship. It is a legal commitment that has familial, social and economic implications. It is the declaration of one’s love and devotion to one’s partner and affirms lifelong commitment. It has also been believed that communities get better when people enter into marriage and stay together. Marriage facilitates mutual growth and social bonding, and improves economic standing and social capital.

As good as marriage appears to be, there have been instances when some people may appear well off if they are single. Hence, the question is if marriage is a necessity or a process one can do without, must everyone be married before they can feel fulfilled?

 Medical Director of a private clinic in Akure, Dr. Victor Adefesoye while speaking with The Hope on the topic said that marriage is necessary but not compulsory.

It is also very key to say here that marriage is necessary for companionship.

“Socio-culturally, marriage is necessary for the same points raised above in addition to the facts that; two heads are better than one to solve problems, harness resources, meet family needs, health care needs as companionship prevents loneliness which is the commonest cause of depression especially in women as they age.

“Marriage is not compulsory in the sense that no law whether spiritually or in secular life has mandated anybody to get involved in marriage.”

According to a civil servant, Mr Sunday Ajibola; “People suffer these days as a result of vagrant display of impunity and forsaking of the law. The laws of nature works in tandem with the laws of God.

Marriage was conceived by God for man to get help from the woman.

 “The new age we are tends to make people feel we can circumvent the laid down rules that govern nature. And sincerely, women are more disobedient than men. Their quiet nature only misleads. Man may fall in love with a woman as a result of her dexterity in the indoor game. He might also decide to marry her for being good in the kitchen. A man can also fall in love with a woman’s physical appearance.

“These are magnets that pull men to women. But they do not sustain a relationship. Go and check out the number of marriages that have hit the rocks. You will realize that the women are beautiful, good in bed and good cooks but lack home training of respecting their husbands.

” I do not know a man who loves a disrespectful wife. A wife that disrespects her husband has no husband. The man does not see her as a good wife. He will not love her. Such men are forced to seek succour in the comfort of an appreciative concubine.

A good wife does not argue with her man. Such behaviour puts off the man. It shows that the wife does not submit to the man.”

A 400 level Law student of the Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile Ife, Osun State who craved anonymity noted that the choice of marriage should depend on individual stating that cultural beliefs have in no small measure deprive people of their right.

She said; ” I am ripe for marriage no doubt but I don’t feel the need to get married because of the rate of divorce these days. I have so many relatives and friends whose marriages have crashed and this has helped me have a rethink about marriage.

“Everyone has the right of choice in all aspects including marriage but the society forbids the female folk from refusal to marry. 

“Recently, I told my mother that I needed to achieve some things before I settle down with a man and her response was shocking. She went as far as putting a call through to her pastor to conduct a deliverance session for me. To me, it is unfair because it is my life. Most of my friends who are married are not happy, most of them pretend in public. I believe that for people’s mental health, they should be allowed to make decisions that suit them including marriage.”

In a contrary view, a trader, Mrs Bolanle Adebayo described marriage as the best thing that could happen to a woman noting that women have been destined to be married to men for so many benefits.

She explained that the society expects that a fully matured individual get married so as to bring forth another life.

Speaking further, she said; “Marriage is a stage of life where you enjoy another life which is entirely different from that of your parents. When love rules, marriage will be enjoyed and not endured. Despite the decay in the society, a lot of  marriages are still working out. It takes patience, love and commitment among others to keep the home but most people are not cut out for these ingredients.

“To me, marriage is a necessity as a lot is embedded in it. With the right partner in place, it is heaven on earth and that is why I will like to advise people to be positive about life particularly marriage and not go with the flow especially as regards divorce irrespective of whatever is in vogue, have positive thoughts.”

An official of the Federal Road Safety Corps who is in her mid 30s and does not want her name in print said that she bent over backwards to ensure that her marriage of few weeks worked out before it crashed. She disclosed that she decided to hands off when she could no longer cope.

She said, ”I am always on the go as regards my work and to be sincere, it is not easy to please your partner especially when you are a career person. He was used to asking for the moon and also in the habit of comparing apples with oranges which was quite frustrating.

“I was committed to making my marriage work at the initial stage but as it is now, I no longer have a belief in marriage. It should a choice and not necessity. Who says a man or woman can’t survive without it? Our mindset has to change. What works for our parents may not be applicable to our generation. Parents should stop pushing their children to it. Some even go as far as match making their children without putting their feelings into consideration.

Speaking with The Hope, a Chartered Accountant, Mrs Olubunmi Akinsuyi  stated that marriage is of great significance to women noting that however it may not be compulsory as the case may be.

According to her; “Marriage is an institution ordained by God to help in solving the problem of man’s loneliness, enhance marital synergy, procreation and an avenue for man to obtain God’s favour.

As great as the above purposes may be, some women could be particularly called unto singleness for God and by God. Such women must know that it is a great personal sacrifice unto God and not for selfish reasons. It must be done to the glory of God.

“It should be noted that the call to God’s kind of singleness is not for fornication, baby mamahood and every act that is not God glorifying.

Marriage is a necessity except a woman falls under some certain categories that may not marry as contained in the bible”. She explained.

A gospel Artiste, Mrs Akinwonu said that marriage is a necessity because biblically it is well established.

According to her; “In Genesis 2:18, The Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.

“Then in our society, they always look down on people who are old enough to marry and are not. 

“Marriage is required in the Bible and even in the society for companionship, fruitfulness, and to curb sexual immorality.

“Marriage is the bedrock of synergy and facilitates productivity in man’s toil/endeavour. 

“However, these are not reasons to make celibacy sinful.”