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Which comes first, marriage or property?

By Maria Famakinwa

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Gone were the days when young men looked forward to get married and starts a family in accordance with unwritten norms of the society. Investigation revealed that most men of marriageable age nowadays prefer having their own buildings before giving marriage a consideration. They argued that if they become landlords before getting married, it would go a long way to lessen their marital burdens.

The Hope spoke with some men in Akure, the Ondo state capital, on which should come first in a man’s life between marriage and building a house. A trader, Mr Ubong Eze, in his submission explained that the first thing expected of a man by his family is to get married and start his own future. ”Though some may think otherwise, I believe that marriage should be the first thing on the list of any responsible man before thinking of building a house.

”Aspiring to build a house before getting married is the major reason why some men marry late. Men should understand that getting married first cannot hinder them from building a house and achieving other necessary things of life. Like me, I started building my first house five years after my marriage. If one has a steady income, marriage should come first.”

Sharing a similar sentiment, a self employed graduate, Mr Ola Solomon, opined that marriage should be considered first before any other thing because a man is incomplete without a spouse.

He said: ”Marriage they say completes a man and not building. This is because it is an institution ordained by God with attached blessings. When a man marries correctly, it is sure that good things he desires will follow. A man may lose his actual partner in an attempt to build a house before marriage.

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”Besides, thinking of marriage after building a house cannot guarantee a blissful union because there are probabilities that the man might not make the right choice, as he will have to contend with choosing among ladies some of who pretend to love him due to his achievement. Experiences abound that men who got married after achieving certain things in life ended up with broken homes. It is advisable to start with marriage,” he said.

Viewing it differently, a businessman, Mr Friday Ijeh, said that it would be better for a man to build a house before considering getting married. Otherwise, he might remain a tenant for life, if care is not taken.

His words: “Gone are the days when men saw marriage as a do or die affair. The current economic reality is enough warning for a wise man to put things in order before going into marriage.”

When told that marriage is the first thing the society expects from a man who has attained the age of maturity, he cut in: “The same society will also speak ill of a family man who cannot provide for his household. Tell me, who do you think parents will support their daughters to marry, between a man of marriageable age who has his own building and another man in a rented apartment? Definitely, 80 per cent of parents will want to give their consent to the former instead of the latter because of the obvious reason that a man with his own building has a brighter future ahead of him than the one who will still be struggling to pay house rent after marriage.”

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Also supporting the idea of building a house before getting married, a civil servant, Mr Yemi Kazeem, reiterated the need for a man who has the opportunity of building a house before marriage to do so without wasting time.

He said: “If a man has the opportunity to build a house before getting married, why should he not go ahead? The fact that marriage is important does not make building a house when the opportunity comes less important.

”Building a house before marriage confers unspoken respect on the man in his in-law’s house, as the wife herself will be praised by her parents as a good daughter who brought good luck to the family. If God opens such opportunity for any man to have a building of his own before marriage, it is better not to miss it because many men got this signal wrong.” He said.

While considering the huge amount spent on wedding by some men, he said that it was more than enough to build a two-bedroom bungalow and start a life and some of such marriages still break.

He supported the idea of building a house before marriage if a man is financially capable, saying that “At least, you will marry into your own house. Remember things might not be easy when you start having your kids, paying school fees, feeding among other essential needs, if you fail to grab the rare opportunity of becoming a house owner before marriage,”.

A marriage counselor, Mr Olaniyi Oridara, explained that though the society expects a man of marriageable age who is gainfully employed to think of settling down and start having his family, he advised that a man who is financially blessed could build a house before getting married.

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He added: “It is not bad if a rich young man considers building a house before starting a family. It will be an added advantage for the man and his future wife. But that does not mean that a man who is gainfully employed and of marriageable age should not marry because he is yet to build a house. It depends on destiny and opportunity that are opened to a man.

“An issue like this is coming up because of the way the society reverences and praises the rich, irrespective of the sources of their money. Today, men of marriageable age prefer to achieve everything before thinking of marriage, while young ladies also prefer to marry men who have everything that can make life comfortable for them. None of them wants to take a step at a time forgetting that all that glisters not gold. Placing materialism above genuine love is one of the banes of today’s marital challenges. I just pray that God will help our youth to choose right,” she said.

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