By Maria Famakinwa
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In a typical human environment, the husband according to the natural law is the head and accorded due respect. He perform his expected roles to keep the family together including denying himself to please his household when the need arise. Caring for the family is not left for the husband alone as the wife also support the husband in providing essential needs for the household.
However, the economic situation in the country is impacting negatively on most homes which is preventing husbands from meeting their family responsibilities.
Some men are jobless and depend on their wives for survival. In this case, women assumed the position of breadwinners doing everything to keep the family going. As commendable as supporting one’s husband may sound, some people read different meanings to this. To them, women being in charge of most homes brings to the fore the question of who actually rule the home between the husband and his wife as this development threatens the well established patriarchal system in the home.
Some respondents maintained that the husband as the head of the family rule the home irrespective of his wife’s status They added that men have been made to rule. While those in another school of thought argued that women rule the home because most decisions taken in homes tilts towards them.
A teacher, Mr Lemobola Mebebije, who opined that women rule the home described them as the home makers whose decisions when neglected always have negative repercussions. The man who advised men blessed with good wives to always seek their views on issues before taking any step said: “Women don’t only make the home, they also make the world. They are positive thinkers and majorly peaceful. It is often said that besides a successful man, there must be a woman, the simple interpretation of that to me is that a man can hardly make it alone without a supportive wife
“To be sincere with you, I wouldn’t have achieved much without the input of my loving wife. What I have realised in fifteen years of our marriage is that if I take any decision without my wife’s support, I will regret it later. I first thought she was using negative spiritual power and decided to be seeking my elder sister’s advice, but I was proven wrong when the advice given to me by my wife was the same with that of my elder sister. Good wives are like angels sent to their men to guard them right but only the wise among men who are not blind by culture can reason this out.”
Sharing a similar view, a trader, Mrs Olufunke Olafeso, said that the wife rules the home because she has the in-depth understanding of the home and it’s surroundings. “I mean a good wife can predict correctly the next step in her home. Women are the brain behind most things men does. They influence decisions to favour their husbands. They are engine rooms of most homes.
“Women rule the home. When a woman wakes up in the morning, the home comes first. On her way to work she thinks of the home. Coming back, she is bothered about what the family will eat. Even though women are described as weaker vessels, they are not limited by this. They go on and on to look after the children and care for their husbands. Who else does this, if not someone in charge of the home?
For a fact, husbands go out to work and bring money home, but it is the wife who put the money into good use. Women understand what the children needs at a particular time unlike men who are not always around. When a wife travel for a week, her absence is greatly felt in the home. Any time I want to travel, the first question my husband would ask was how many days I would spend.
“Despite preparing a menu time table before traveling, my husband and children would still be calling me through mobile phone for one issue or the other. Before you knew what was happening, my husband would compel me to be coming without spending the actual time I wanted to spend. He would complain that the house is boring.
Once the children got to know that I was on my way home, they would start praying for my safe arrival and getting home, everyone including my husband would start shouting for joy that would make you think that may be I had left home for years.
Wives rule the homes. Their presence alone speak volume. Not that I am playing down men’s efforts in home building but women are more committed. It will be a disservice to women’s efforts not giving them the credit for their roles in sustaining the homes.” she said.
Reacting differently, a chef, Mr Agustin Ali, said that he rules his home and so with some men who knows what it is to be the head. “I married my wife to join me in my home so, everything about my home start and end with me. Claiming that wives rule the home is the major reason most marriages collapse today. I blame everything on the eroding of our cultural values.
“In the days of our fore-fathers, wives kept quiet when their husbands talk. Unlike now that the campaign for gender equality by women is usurping some men’s rights as the family heads. To be sincere with you, some men like me are just trying to manage their wives before the society term it to be violence against women because that is the new topic now even when the wife is not submissive.
“The two dominant religion says that husbands are the heads and nothing is changing that. For a man to pay the wife’s bride price and not the other way round automatically conferred on him the head of the home. Even if the woman is better placed in the society than her husband, is not enough to compete with him. I rule my home and I am fully in charge. Whatever my wife does to support the family is just a bonus to my efforts because the Bible says that we are helpers. I perform my expected duties as the husband to my children and my wife, my wife only advised me on any issue and I am not bound to take her advise. I rule my home including my wife and I will never agree that wives rule the home.”
A civil servant, Mr Afolabi Olowoleye, also maintained that husbands and not wives rules the homes. He said: “Though, both husband and wife go out to work and bring money home, but bulk of the home responsibilities still falls on the men. Husband’s roles in homes cannot be over emphasized. Paying the school fees, house rent and feeding the family are serious needs that husbands faces on a daily basis aside extending hand of love to the wife’s parents. Sincerely speaking, it is not easy to be a man.
“A man is looked up to by his wife and children for every need. Yet, he must not fail. Husbands struggle always to please their families. They want the best for their children and wives, they see to day-to-day running of the homes and ever available in case of emergency. If you go to most homes to find out who rules, the answer you will get cannot be different from what I am saying. Though, women are also doing their best because the home works like a team supporting each other but when the going get tough, they back down. You can only rule if you can stand any challenge. Men lead and rule in homes,” he said.
