Why divorced women keep exes’ surnames

With josephine Oguntoyinbo
After a divorce, many women face a daunting decision: whether to keep their ex-husband’s surname or revert to their maiden name. While some women eagerly shed their married name, others choose to hold onto it, often for reasons that are deeply personal.
Some people believed that changing a last name can negatively impact a person’s career. For people working in certain fields, suddenly changing their name can make it harder for them to be identified by potential clients while some divorcing spouses feel a sense of ownership over their married name.
For Roseline Adebayo (not real name), a 40-year old public servant, keeping her ex-husband’s surname was a practical decision.
“I had built my career under my married name, and I didn’t want to confuse people by changing it. Also, it was just easier to keep the same name for my social media profiles and business cards”, she explained.
Roseline’s experience is not unique. Many women choose to keep their ex-husband’s surname for professional reasons, especially if they have established a strong reputation in their industry. It’s not just about the name itself, but about the identity and brand.
Loveth Apalara (not real name) a 38-year old nurse, who kept her ex-husband’s surname after their divorce, also explained that she has built around the surname and her ex is not complaining about the development.
For others, the decision to keep their ex’s surname is rooted in emotional or sentimental reasons. A mother of three, Bose Omoboyewa said: “I kept my ex-husband’s surname because it’s the same name as our children. l didn’t want to confuse them or make them feel like they had to choose between their parents’ names.”
In some cases, women may choose to keep their ex-husband’s surname as a way of maintaining a connection to their past or their family.
“My ex-husband’s surname is also my children’s surname, and it’s a way for me to feel connected to them and to our family’s history,” says Abiola Anjolaoluwa, a 50 year old fashion designer, who kept her ex-husband’s surname after their divorce.
While keeping an ex’s surname may seem not to be the best to some, it is a decision that should be respected and understood. According to some, it is not about holding onto the past or trying to cling to a failed relationship, it is about making a choice that feels right for the individual, whether that is for practical, emotional, or sentimental reasons.
According to research, these are various reasons why some divorced women choose to keep their ex-husband’s surname which include,
Personal Reasons
Identity: A woman may have established her identity, career, or reputation under her married name.
Emotional attachment: She may still feel emotionally attached to the name, especially if she has children with her ex-husband.
Hassle-free: Changing her name back to her maiden name or adopting a new name can be a tedious and time-consuming process.
Practical Reasons
Professional consistency: A woman may have built a professional reputation under her married name and doesn’t want to confuse her clients, colleagues, or network.
Children’s surname: If she has children with her ex-husband, keeping the same surname can help maintain a sense of family unity and avoid confusion.
Travel documents: Changing her name on travel documents, such as passports, can be a complex process.
Cultural or Social Reasons
Cultural or family traditions: In some cultures or families, it’s customary for women to keep their husband’s surname after divorce.
Social stigma: Unfortunately, some societies still attach stigma to divorce, and a woman may feel that keeping her ex-husband’s surname helps avoid unwanted attention or judgment.
Legal Reasons
Name change laws: In some jurisdictions, the process of changing one’s name after divorce can be complicated or costly.
Court orders: In some cases, a court may order a woman to retain her married name, especially if there are children involved.
It is essential to remember that every individual’s circumstances are unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all explanation for why divorced women choose to keep their ex-husband’s surname.
Ultimately, the decision to keep or change one’s surname after a divorce is a personal one, and it is not up to others to judge or criticize.