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Why ladies from poor families refuse to endure with poor husbands

By Maria Famakinwa

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The importance of financial trust in a marriage cannot be overstated. It forms the foundation for a strong and healthy relationship, and its presence or absence can significantly impact various aspects of married life.

Due to this, women before getting married want to be sure that the men they wanted to marry is financially capable to care for them. They look forward to settle down with partners with huge financial stand.

Experiences abound that inability of husbands to cater for their households has led to many broken homes which makes aspiring brides to consider financial status of their grooms as a serious factor that cannot be played down if their dreams of raising better families are to be achieved. However, as lofty as this idea may be, it has been generating diverse reactions with some men like the renowned Nollywood actor, Kenneth Okonkwo, asking women why they endure the poverty of their parents but can’t endure the poverty of their husbands. Some women who spoke with The Hope gave reasons why they endure their parents’ poverty but could not endure that of their husbands.

A seamstress, Mrs Olufunke Obiyelu, revealed that the first thing her parents told her to consider before agreeing to marry her husband was his financial status as they warned her against choosing a man who could not provide for her basic needs in order to avoid break up.

The woman who added that growing up was not easy because her parents could barely feed the five children they have said that her experience while growing up has made her to vow never to marry a poor man especially being the first born so as not to lay a bad example for her female siblings.

On why she endured her parents poverty but vowed to marry a rich man she said: “the experience I went through with my parents made me to hate poverty and anything associated with it. I believe that since my parents could not satisfy me, the only option left for me is to marry a well-to-do man who will compensate me for the poverty I endured with my parents. Besides, my parents inability to care for us was because they have five of us. Things would have been better if I am the only child they gave birth to. My husband is married to only me and has no reason to fail in his responsibility at ensuring that I lack nothing. If I had failed in my choice of man, My aim to enjoy my marriage would have been over. Thank God for my parents’ advice and the determination to realize my aim.”

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Sharing a similar view, a newly- wed, Mrs Omobola Oyinbo, hinted that she could endure her parents’ poverty and not that of her husband because she could not choose who becomes her parents but can choose her husband. She said: “Enduring poverty with a man is by choice and I choose not to. One of the requirements I want in a man is his financial capability. If a man has everything and he is not financially stable, such is not my type because it is  an affliction that shall not rise the second time.”

On what will happen if after marriage things change for her husband, she said: “It does not change anything because every marriage must pass through its low moment. There are chances that a man who started well can easily overcome any challenge because he must have utilized his money when things were good and have something to fall back on when passing through difficulty till things improve. But it is not realistic to see a man who is struggling to feed himself and you decide to marry him because you were able to cope with your parents’ poverty. Your parents are different from your husband. Marriage is a life covenant. Accepting that means poverty will continue in that lineage if care is not taken. I can endure my parents’ poverty and not that of my husband. That is the family I am born into which I have no power over but can change the narrative by choosing a rich spouse,” she said.

A mother of three, Mrs Labake Ipinola, in her words said that enduring poverty with a man is a choice which most times lead to marriage failure. According to her, the importance of financial trust in a marriage forms the foundation for a strong and healthy relationship. “To me, it is insane to go into marriage with a man who cannot cater for one’s financial needs. I mean a man who is struggling with his finance should not think about marriage.

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“If I can endure poverty with my parents and I understand what poverty really means, it will be stupidity on my own part to accept a poor man and continue to endure such poverty. For how long will I continue to endure with such a man when life itself is so short? The prayer of all parents to their female children is to marry husbands who will take care of them not the one they will endure poverty with. The surprising thing is that some men after overcoming the challenges, forget their wives who endured with them and go for other women. If you endure poverty with your parents and continue same with your husband, then, a yoke must be broken. Women must be sensible in their choice of partners because marriage is a life convenant,” she warned.

A serving corps member, Ms Mabel Anayo, who advised women to consider men’s pocket before accepting their marriage offers argued that doing so will not only help to reduce marriage break ups but will enable a man to be sure of his financial capability before thinking of marriage.

The lady who added that one may have endured poverty with the parents because one’s choice is limited said: “My husband is my crown who must protect and provide for my needs according to the bible. I took the marital vow with my husband and not my parents so a man who expect me to go through the same poverty experience I had with my parents should not come to me. I want to enjoy my marriage and not to endure it. Money is power in every sphere of life especially marriage.

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“Money adds spice to marriage and give the unexplainable happiness to sustain a home. A man without the power of the purse should not think of getting married because the Bible realized how important man’s financial status is in a marriage and realizes that a man who cannot provide for his home is worse than an infidel. Women crave for suitors who are financially sound. We want men who are secured financially not men who expect me to endure poverty with him because I did same  with my parents. If one could choose who gave birth to them, most parents today would have been childless because someone like me would have chosen one of the rich men we have around. If I cannot choose who gave birth to me, I can choose who I get married to so I must choose to live a good life and not to endure poverty with any man because there is no security with a man who lacks financial power,” she warned.

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