By Maria Famakinwa

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The wish of any woman is to have her husband solely to herself without sharing him with other women. This, however is becoming difficult to achieve because some men are not sincere with their marital vows. Though, both men and women cheats, findings however revealed that men cheat more than women. The reason for this has been attributed to African culture which favours a man to keep many lovers.

Infidelity has always been a terrible experience to go through in a relationship. Knowing that one’s husband is keeping another lover can lead to heartbreak and frustration. It makes one feel enraged, disappointed and emotionally broken. Its consequences can be very damaging and the faithful wife is often left wondering how a once happy affair went wrong. What actually prompts a happily married man to cheat? Some men who spoke with The Hope gave reasons for this.

A public servant, Mr Kolawole Akinwole, opined that the allure of doing what they should not do make men keep other lovers. “Sometimes, some men will rather damn the consequences than not involve in it. They know it is wrong yet, want to go into it either to keep their wives on their toes or to “feel among” due to peer pressure. It’s the allure of the ‘forbidden fruit.’ Affairs are rarely about attraction and sex, it’s more about the thrill and the desire of getting what we’re not supposed to have.  Another reason is instant self gratification. A man may be happily married but cheating on his wife because of that need for instant satisfaction that his wife might not be able to give him at that exact moment”.

Though, Akinwole said he was not keeping other lovers but maintained that it is natural for men to admire opposite sex because they are naturally wired to do so.

An artisan, Mr Mayokun Awodele, who disclosed to have cheated in the past explained that it came as an opportunity which he would be blamed for if missed. He said: “The crime of opportunity make some men to keep other lovers. If a man has his way with a lady because such opportunity presented itself, it is not easy to tell such a lady off immediately.

“Even someone in a strong and happy marriage can end up becoming vulnerable when an opportunity arises. This is usually the case when a husband cheats on his wife with someone known to his wife. We often justify it by saying that the opportunity was right and we couldn’t just let it pass.

“Another justification for keeping other lovers is the belief that by being involved in an affair with someone else, it makes us feel good that despite being married, we are still desirable and attractive to other ladies.”

A banker, Mr Sayo Daodu, described marriage as the single most complicated of all the institutions. “It’s two people from two different backgrounds who are expected to live harmoniously together under certain rules.  the issues that lead to some men keeping other lovers fall into one or two categories: There’s either a problem with the relationship or a problem with the individual.

“Apart from a man being dissatisfied in his marriage, physical attraction may be one of the reasons a married man feels gravitated towards another woman /lady. A man may also feel attracted towards another woman if she possesses qualities that his wife does not. Besides, Some men do feel that they can’t be in monogamous relationship. If a woman is in a relationship where her partner claims that they are not naturally monogamous and  he tells her they are not born to be with one woman, such a man is telling the woman that he is keeping another lover that he is not cut out for monogamy,”he said.

In the submission of a businessman, Mr Fidelis Anayo, inability to get sexual satisfaction in a marriage pushed most men outside in search for it. “Some men who ended up having extra-marital affairs said they were forced to seek solace in the arms of other lovers due to sexual deprivation.

“Men are natural hunters of the opposite sex and they find pleasure in such escapades, being able to “conquer” a woman. In other words, it is the pleasure of being able to conquer and get the attention of a woman that motivates men more than the sexual pleasure itself.

“Incompatibility has also been identified as a factor in infidelity. Men will also be compelled to keep other lovers if their spouses are quarrelsome. No man can live  under the same roof with a nagging and disobedient wife. Women with these characters push their husbands out into the waiting hands of mistresses who are ready to shower them with love that they’ve been denied at home. Once men can find love outside the marriage, it becomes harder for their legal wives to win their hearts again.

“Any man, no matter how anointed, can fall into adultery, if not careful. The temptations are constantly around us. The present idea that casual sex is okay and that everybody does it fuels the need of keeping other lovers. The truth is that men who keep other lovers know it is wrong  but not easy to stop once one gets entangled in it. Women should understand that men crave for love, submission and peace to avoid sharing their husbands with other lovers. “he said.