By Maria Famakinwa
One of the features of enduring marital bliss between couples is sexual intimacy. It is an integral part of marital life that strengthens the connection between couples. Sex can deepen the bond between partners and foster feelings of closeness, emotional well-being, and relationship satisfaction. Having this deep bond can have a positive effect on nearly every other aspect of one’s relationship. But often, this impact is not analyzed or understood.
However, as important as sexual intimacy is in sustaining marriages, most Nigerian men complain that their wives are sexually lazy, as they are found to give excuses of being tired most times when they demand their conjugal rights. Some couples who spoke with The Hope adduced different reasons for this and proffered solutions.
A trader, Mrs. Oye Akinjagun, hinted that it was wrong for any husband to conclude that his wife is sexually lazy because the wife denies him sex without finding out the reason. She said: “I want you to understand that it is not possible for a wife to be telling the husband she is tired every time he needs her. If she does, there is more to it. The husband must sit his wife down and sort things out. Couples need to understand each other and create an atmosphere for bonding to occur.
“A man who only needs the wife whenever he has the urge for sex can never get the best out of her. To me, men who complain that their wives are sexually lazy lack several daily simple gestures that help to foster physical intimacy with their spouses which later translates to sexual attraction. Couples need to understand each other and create an atmosphere for bonding to occur. It takes little effort to win a woman’s heart but most men lack this. Some men find it hard to say sorry when they wrong their wives. They see helping their wives in some house chores as a challenge to their headship. Women enjoy sex as men and are not sexually lazy but each man should study his wife and understand how to win her heart.”
Sharing a similar view, a public servant, Mrs Moyo Oluwatobi, who also blames men for wives’ lack of sexual interest wondered how men who could not assist their wives at home should expect any sexual satisfaction from them. She said: “Women can go to any length to satisfy husbands who value them even when it is not convenient. Sexual intimacy is give and take, though enjoyable, but can be energy-tasking. A woman who wakes up early in the morning to cook for the family before going to work, after work goes to the market to get foodstuffs, and returns home to prepare dinner for the family is already exhausted. Such will only try to finish eating and rest. It is expected of men who crave sexual satisfaction in this situation to assist their wives.
“Men should learn to up their games to enjoy their women. What is wrong with assisting your wife in domestic chores so that she will not have any reason to refuse your advances? Men should look for ways to make their wives mad for them. Some men can do anything for their side chicks but not for their legally married wives. They see sexual intimacy with their wives as a right that they can have at the snap of a finger. Sex is meant for enjoyment, not just to jump on the woman because she is your wife without foreplay, which they cannot try with their side chicks.
“The reality is that no one tastes honey and spits it out. Women also enjoy sex but are too shy to talk about it. Women should stop depriving themselves sexually, they should open up and tell their husbands how they want to be served sexually. I believe that once you give your man a full dose, he has no space to take any other outside. Men should be their wives’ best friends to enjoy the limitless pleasure in sexual intimacy. I don’t believe women will be sexually lazy if men can up the games in the other room,” she said.
In a swift reaction, a salary earner, Mr Gboyega Oladipupo, hinted that some women deny their husbands sex to punish them. He said: “To them, sex is a weapon to correct their husbands for wrong doings which is common among women. They wait for when their men will come for his conjugal right to strike, even after apologizing for their mistakes.
“My wife is very good at doing this and so it is with most women. What women fail to understand is that there are ladies outside ready to welcome men with open arms. If not wickedness, why will a wife wait till when her husband needs her before reminding him what he did wrong? This attitude has led to break-ups in many marriages.”
When told that the inability of some men to show their women true love makes them deny them sexual intimacy, he disagreed and said that if a woman wants to punish her husband, there is no amount of love shown by the man that can pacify her until she achieves her aim.
“You can get the best out of a woman if she is not angry, but once offended. She will resist any sexual move and hide under the guise of tiredness to punish the man. I once asked my wife when she told me that she was tired if it was a big stone I wanted her to carry. We both went to work and came back home tired. She cooks, agreed, but the children support her in the kitchen. Why the excuse of being tired to satisfy your man when you are not asked to climb a tree? For your information, men give more during sexual intimacy and they should be the ones complaining of tiredness and not women who are the receivers. Sexually lazy women should adjust in their interests and stop using tiredness as an excuse because there is a limit to a man’s endurance. As we need the physical food to grow, so also we need the sexual food to rejuvenate the body and strengthen the marital bonds, which when denied can push a man outside,” he warned.
A businessman, Mr Lucky Chima, who also blamed some wives for not satisfying their husbands sexually warned that sexual denial could impact a man’s health negatively, adding that no excuse is tenable enough to starve one’s husband sexually.
When told that some husbands lack several daily simple gestures that help to foster physical intimacy that can later translate to sexual attractions cuts -in and asked” must everything be about women? Irrespective of a person’s gender, sex is an important part of a relationship that must not be toyed with. As important as sexual rejection is, it is rarely spoken about, yet it affects men adversely because the feelings of both genders differ. For women, sex is a way of expressing their feelings or love while men channel their need for love, intimacy, soothing, care, and comfort through sex. So depriving men of this necessity will surely affect the marriage.
“Any wife who feels that her husband is not interpreting the sex script well should open up, and if the man has done anything wrong, tell him immediately, rather than waiting for him to demand for his natural right before you punish him. This behaviour is wickedness because rejecting sexual advances from your husband simply means rejection of the male ego, and when done regularly, this may lead to irritation, frustration, and lack of trust, leading to suspicion and loss of interest. Wives should discuss and settle any issue with their husbands, and not use sexual denial as a punishment, but if they do, such an act can ground the marriage, as rejection of sex overtures regularly can lead to men looking for sex outside the marriage,” he warned.