Dear reader,
l am happy to welcome you to today’s interesting edition of Relationship Matters. This week, we tried as much as possible to proffer solutions to Boluwaji and Olayinka’s predicaments and I hope you will learn how to handle cases like these whenever you are facing such problems in future or give advice to people in such situations.
Warm regards
With Ronke Fadimilehin
Dear Aunty Ronke,
Good day, ma. I am a 19-year-old lady and the only child of my parents. My mother passed away seven years ago, and my father is now in a relationship with a woman he met about five months ago. She is a widow with a 16-year old son, whom I will call Richard.
During the last school break, I met her in person, and I was pleased with how our interaction went. Her son, however, was very quiet, and I assumed that was just his nature. They stayed in our house for two weeks and left a day before I returned to school.
Two days before resuming, I went into my dad’s room to get his spare charger because mine was faulty, but I couldn’t find it there. I later saw it in the living room, plugged in but not connected to anything; so I unplugged it to use in my room.
After a few minutes, Richard barged into my room, demanding to know why I had taken the charger. I began to explain that I needed it to charge my power bank, but before I could finish speaking, he slapped me. I was so shocked that I froze. He then grabbed the cord roughly, almost damaging my power bank in the process.
I could not believe what had happened, but I kept quiet because I knew that if I reacted, things might get worse, especially since he is much bigger than I am. A few minutes later, he returned and apologised, saying he had reacted that way because he urgently needed the charger. He then left without waiting for me to respond.
For some reasons, I did not tell my dad about what happened, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I am worried that if our parents get married, I may end up with a stepbrother who could attack me again. I really don’t know what to do.
Yours sincerely,
Boluwaji
Dear Boluwaji,
I understand how shocked and unsettled you must have felt after Richard slapped you. What he did was completely wrong, and nothing can excuse such behaviour. Physical violence is never acceptable, no matter the reason.
I admire the wisdom you showed by not reacting with violence at that moment. But it is important that you do not keep silent about this incident. If you hide it, Richard may think he can behave like that again. You need to protect yourself, and the first step is to tell your father exactly what happened. Explain everything calmly, just as you did in your letter.
Your father has the right to know what kind of person his partner’s son is. It is also important that the boy is corrected early before his behaviour becomes worse. If your dad hears the truth from you, he will be better placed to decide how to handle the matter and whether the relationship should continue.
Please understand that you are not being troublesome by speaking up. You are only protecting your peace of mind and your safety. Do not allow fear of causing tension to silence you. If your father marries this woman, both families will be joined together. If Richard is already showing violence now, it could be dangerous for you in the future.
So, my advice is this: speak to your father honestly, and do not let guilt or fear stop you. Be firm that you will not accept abuse in your own home. If your father loves you—and I believe he does—he will take your concerns seriously.
You are a precious young woman. Never let anyone make you feel unsafe in your own home.
I wish you good luck.
Aunty Ronke
Dear Aunty Ronke,
Good day to you, madam. I would like your advice on an issue I am facing in my family.
I am a 23-year old lady, the second of three children (two girls and one boy). My elder sister and I are only two and a half years apart, and we were very close while growing up.
As children, we shared almost everything, even underwears. But things changed in secondary school when she had to repeat a class and I caught up with her. Since we attended different schools, I didn’t think much of it, but my parents scolded her for being careless.
From that time, she became hostile whenever I tried to get close, and we slowly drifted apart. By the time we both entered the same university, our relationship had already worsened. At home, she always tried to prove her seniority, and knowing her temper, I usually let her be.
A few months ago, I started working online and have been saving my earnings for after school. Our parents know about it and support the idea, though they don’t know the exact amount I have saved. I didn’t feel I needed to tell my sister, but somehow she found out and began spreading rumours that I make money from sleeping with men.
Some friends told me about this, so I confronted her. Instead of stopping, she insulted me and kept calling me wayward. I later told our parents, who tried to intervene, but she didn’t stop. I eventually lost my temper and insulted her intelligence.
Since then, she has refused to return home and even ignores our parents when they call her. I feel guilty about this, but whenever I remember her words, I become angry again.
My parents are very worried, and her behaviour makes them sad, which I hate to see. Now it seems to be up to me to bring her back home.
Please, ma, I need your advice.
Yours sincerely,
Olayinka
Dear Olayinka,
Thank you for writing. I can see that you love your sister deeply and care about your parents’ peace of mind. It is clear that this conflict is hurting everyone in your family.
From what you wrote, your sister’s hostility seems to come from insecurity and jealousy. When siblings feel compared or punished, resentment can grow over time. Sadly, she is now taking out her frustrations on you in hurtful ways.
It is wise not to continue trading insults with her. Arguing will only make the gap between both of you wider. For now, give her some space, but try not to shut the door completely.
A calm and respectful, but not defensive, message from you may eventually soften her heart. For example:
“I am sorry for the harsh words I said in anger. You are my sister and I care about you. I hope we can talk again when you are ready.”
This does not mean you accept her false accusations, but it shows maturity and love. Sometimes humility, even when you are not at fault, can begin the healing process.
At the same time, focus on your studies, your work, and your future. Let your success speak for you. With time, your sister may realise her mistake and return. Encourage your parents not to blame themselves, but to keep reaching out with patience.
In every family, peace is worth fighting for, but it often takes the calmer person to lead the way. Be that person.
I advise you to be patient, stay respectful, and show love even from a distance. In no time, your sister may change her mind and come back.
Aunty Ronke