Would you accept your husband’s love child?

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By Maria Famakinwa

Mrs. Odelewa (not real name) was happily married with four children(two girls and two boys). The twelve-year-old union which could  best be described as heavenly made was seen by young couples as a template for successful home.

The display of trust, love, understanding and submission between the couple to the extent of operating a joint account was the envy of all. They showered love on each other devotedly and the same was extended to their children as the family enjoyed blissful home until when the bread winner fell sick and died. The wife who had remained unconsolable due to the sudden death of her husband could not believe her encounter at the grave side when four other children from two different women came  to pay their father  last respect. The woman collapsed immediately and wept uncontrollable.

This bitter experience is not peculiar to Mrs Odelewa alone, there are  still  many men with secret children. The Hope spoke with some women if they will accept their husband’s secret children. A civil servant, Mrs Grace Talade, explained that she cannot accept her husband secret children because they will pose threats to her marriage. “Accepting my husband children from another woman into my home is dangerous and not advisable.

“Any man who does that should be ready to face the consequences. Another side to an issue like this is that some people might want to play pranks to claim what is not theirs. What is the proof to show that they are the man’s biological children?’’

When told that DNA can confirm the authenticity of such claim, she disagreed and said that we are in a country where anything can be done to achieve a particular result. ”What if the result is manipulated? Remember that we are in a country where anything can happen to achieve a desired result.’’

Sharing similar sentiment, a teacher, Mrs. Tolu Olaoye who bemoaned the insincerity of some men advised women not to trust their husbands 100 percent. On if she can accept secret children of her husband,  she said,”the idea of accepting my husband’s children from another woman  is not  possible because they are security risk to me and my children. Recent happenings have shown that accepting such will surely end in regret. A man who has the gut to indulge in extramarital affairs should bear the brunt.

“It is not easy trying to be nice to the extent of accepting my husband children from another woman to live with me. These are children who never grew up with me, whose mother’s character I do not know. It is not possible for a man to indulge in   polygamy and  get  soft landing.’’

Reacting differently, a self employed mother of three, Mrs. Nike Alade, opined that she will accept her husband’s children from another woman for peace to reign even if she got to know after the husband’s demise. ”I believe that the best way to avoid any problem in such a situation is to allow the children in. Rejecting them will send a wrong message that you are denying them access to their father’s property which can lead to a cold war. I have heard of similar situation that led to the death of the legal wife’s children because it was not properly handled. Allow them in to see things for themselves is to pass a message to them that the father left nothing and they should work hard instead of relying on inheritance.’’

In the submission of a businesswoman, who simply gave her name as Mrs. Ayo, explained that Africa culture favour men as against women which will make her to accept the children, so that, she will not lose out at the end.

The woman who further revealed that not all secret children from a man are after his property said,”Some of them just want to meet their father’s other children and family whom the father must have discussed with them, so as, to know their root. There  was a  case of a 38-year-old man who have been trying to trace his late father’s root after the late mother told him he was from Ibadan in Oyo State. The man who still remembered the name of his family house in Ibadan was assisted by some people to trace his source.

‘’When he finally met with the father’s wife, the woman could not deny the fact because he looked like his father. He was very happy to meet his father’s other children and he immediately told the woman that he was not interested in any property but just to trace his root. The man, who is a successful medical doctor in Abuja is the one helping the other children of his late father who he now see as his family. What would have happened if the father’s wife had rejected him initially?