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You can win your mother-in-law’s heart

You can win your mother- in-law’s heart

By Josephine Oguntoyinbo
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Tales of competition and meddling make a woman a little hesitant when considering blending families with marriage, but perhaps the mother in-law is just misunderstood.

We all know motherhood is a sacred position, so it is natural for any woman to inwardly and sometimes outwardly express some fear about losing her son to another woman, but rather, let this dynamic get the better of us.

 Why do so many women  have issues with mother in-laws ? Are they really the monsters people say they are?

The answer is simple. They are not. They are simply mothers; mothers who have to give out their children to another person.

It is really  all about perception. Once you have the right perception, it will be a smooth ride with your mother in-law.

If you are lucky to have your mother-in-law on your side, you can be sure you are off to an enjoyable marital experience.

It is better to acknowledge the shift that comes with marriage and be open about how you want your relationship with your mother in-law to unfold.

A mother in-law is more likely to respect  boundaries if she is reassured that she will continue to be a respected and important part of the family and that you will make effort to include her in your family’s life.

The best thing to do is to respect her, once you have a well established foundation of mutual respect, the rest comes much easier.

Try to see her as your mother. This is the very first step to winning her over. Once you stop looking at her as the black monster out to steal your spouse, you tend to love her just as you would  to your mother.

Get to know her. How do you love someone you do not know? Find out what she likes. Know her values , her best food, what gets her angry, and so on.

Act accordingly. Cook her that special meal she likes from time to time. Call her as you would to someone you genuinely love. Avoid doing things that piss her off, make her know you have taken her as a mother.

Do not overdo it. Overdoing everything has negative consequences. Overdoing your acts of love with your mother in-law might just turn into a case of familiarity breeds contempt. The key is maintaining a balance.

Prove your love for her child. She needs to know that her child who she has nurtured for decades is in safe hands. Prove to her that you are the right partner for her child. This is where knowing her comes to play.

Make sure her child fulfills parental responsibilities. This is very important. It will make her feel less like her child was stolen from her. Make sure financial and emotional needs are fulfilled. Emphasize seriously on this.

Appreciate her. Nothing softens the heart like a good dose of appreciation. Call her up one day and tell her how you appreciate how well she brought up her child, tell her how she has been a blessing to you and how you would  rather have no other as a mother in-law.

If women  follow this, majority of mothers in-law would love them as their children.

Owena Press Limited (Publisher of The Hope Newspaper), Akure

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