By Kemi Olatunde

|

In the olden days, marriage ceremony used to be the one everyone especially the couple and their families look forward to, hence, every concerned individual especially the immediate family with the parents at the forefront, perform their role well to ensure that the event played out as expected.
Taking a look at the modern day wedding, a lot of things have been incorporated into it especially in the area of dressing, food and even the planning process to mention a few.
These days, it is not strange to hear that a young groom or bride is the sole sponsor of such event with little or no contribution from family members especially parents.
The question now is who should be responsible for such occasion; parents or couple?
Speaking with The Hope, proprietor of a private primary school in Akure, Pastor (Mrs) Omotayo Tapere stated that it is not right for couple to bear the burden of their marriage ceremony backing her point with the scriptures.
According to her: “when Abraham was to pick a wife for his son, Isaac, he sent his servant to his own native land to search for a wife for him. When the servant was going, Abraham ensured that he didn’t go alone as he went with a lot of gift items; bride price and every other thing including all the traditional rite requirements.
“So it was apparently Abraham that married Rebecca for Isaac. Thus Isaac didn’t have a hand in it other than to receive Rebecca into his room. Hence the father did everything.
“Jesus Christ in his words said that everything has been prepared. When newlyweds are to start up their life, it is the responsibility of parents to ensure that they have a soft beginning in order to prevent friction in the home.
“The marriage is what the parents are responsible for. They should be the one to ensure that all is ready for the occasion’ bride price. Instead of lavishing money on asoebi etc, they should provide good house and good car (if they are financially buoyant).
For the husband and for the wife; kitchen utensils and clothes should be provided for her by her mother as she is not supposed to go empty handed to her husband’s house.
“The father of the groom should send all that are needed by the bride’s family to bring the wife home that is in form of bride price and every other requirement from the bride’s family for the traditional marriage.”
While stressing the need for parents not to give unnecessary stress to couple during such occasion, she said: “The Bible says that a good father leaveth an inheritance for his children children. So parenthood is a generational responsibility.
“Parents should ensure that their children start well so that the children’s too will have a legacy to start up a good home for their children. When this is done, the society will be balanced.
“What we have now is the other way round. Parents don’t care about the couple but what they want to make into their purse.”
Making reference to a Nigerian billionaire businessman, Michael Adenuga, she stated that during his mother’s burial, he (Adenuga) said that his mother used to give him and his other siblings a very awesome gift in form of money for every festive period for investment.
She said: “According to Adenuga, it was his mother that stabilized all of them financially. So all should learn from this by establishing their children.
“He said that the mother initiated every idea of business for them.”
However, she described parenthood as a big task saying “if you are not ready for it, it is better you don’t go into it and this should refer us to the number of children we should have; when you have 20 children, you should be ready to leave 20 good investments.”
A senior Clergyman of the Anglican Communion, Ven Stephen Fagbemi explained that traditionally, the bride’s father extends invitation to his friends and family among others. Thus parents are expected to foot the bill of such ceremony.
Lamenting the rot in our culture and the infiltration in the manner of organizing such ceremony, he noted that it is wrong for parents to make use of things brought for engagement by the groom’s family for the ceremony saying “it is an abuse of culture to ask in-law to bring cow etc.”
Fagbemi said that the parents are expected to midwife the process of the celebration in order to be blessed for it.
While commenting on the financial capability of the groom he said; “it is not about how rich the groom is unless the parents are financially handicapped, then the groom takes it up.
“Parents should take it up. What is your duty is your duty even when your children are rich.
“You are not under obligation to have extravagant ceremony. It can be brief. It should be done as it should be done in order to get the expected result.”
He stressed the need for parents to be alive to their responsibility unless there are challenges and added that they should cut their coat according to their cloth.
However, he advised that the ceremony should be organized with upmost decency and added that rich and comfortable children must submit to the authority of their parents as regards the ceremony.
A civil servant who does not want her name in print did not see anything wrong in couple taking over the expenses of the ceremony.
According to the 52-year-old; “He should go ahead if he is financially buoyant. We do pray to God to bless our children, so why not? It means that he will take off the stress from the parents.
If it is my children, he will be the one to even buy the cloth I will wear. If there is money, there is no need to stress myself.
“A child especially a male child who cannot finance his wedding is not fit to have a wife as the parents still have to be feeding the couple.”
Speaking further, she stated that it is important for parents to assist the children in cases where the children are not up to the task.
She explained that a female child can also spearhead it is she is capable and noted that the parent of such child should be responsible for the entertainment of the groom’s family in such case.
A 54-year-old business woman, Mrs Bolanle Owolabi said; “parents are the ones expected to organize such ceremony so far such child is still under them.
According to her, “such child may still be struggling. So the parents must cover the gap. If the child is well to do, he/she may support the parents but not for the parent to leave their responsibility to him/her.
“It is important for parents to make meaningful contribution during the ceremony because of the future, as issues may generate in the family concerning the occasion.
A 120-year-old great grandmother, Julianah Ojuniface who spoke in her native language said that is the duty of parents to put in place such occasion, saying, “parents have to make their impact felt in such occasion which she described as a remarkable one in the lives of the couple.
Speaking on the negative effects of parents not being up to their responsibility, she said: “not so many people will be happy with such person.
“The child of such parents too may not forgive them and as such makes them suffer at old age.”
However, she advised parents to contribute their quota in such ceremony in order to attract the blessings of the couple.