By Maria Famakinwa
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Simi (not real name) was 23-year-old when her fiance engaged her before traveling abroad with a promise of coming for her after three years. The excitement that she would finally settle down with her husband abroad and live a better life resonated well with her and her parents, as they hopefully awaited the day.
The first year of Dapo (Simi’s husband) abroad was fine as he kept calling his fiancee to reassure her of his promise to come for her. However, things began to change the second year when Dapo refused to called Simi as he used to and hardly picked her calls. She ran to Dapo’s parents to explain the development to them but they told her to sort out things with him, because they did not understand what was happening.
Simi was still struggling with this when she realised that her fiance had changed his number and she could no longer reached him. Simi, who is still single at 38 is regretting being faithful to Dapo who wasted her time.
Tonia Donald, a banker also had a similar experience with a fiance whom she borrowed loan to sponsor abroad before the man called her after four years to forget the relationship and get another man at 36 years of age. She said, “It was as if my life had ended after spending so much to sponsor him abroad and he abandoned me. I was lucky when my friend who did not want me to commit suicide introduced me to her brother who later married me.”
In her submission, a teacher, Mrs Banke Ojopagogo, advised ladies to be careful before engaging a man who wants to travel abroad as she observed that 90 per cent of such did not lead to marriage. Her words, “Most unmarried ladies today are victims of disappointment from their fiancees who travelled abroad. Some of them waited for years before realising that it was a deceit and it became difficult to get another man because age was telling on them. I will not advise ladies to take men in this category serious and if they must do, they should watch out for any change of attitude and immediately forget about the relationship.”
In the submission of a beautician, Torera Ogundele, she hinted that no matter the level of trust and commitment, if her fiance who traveled abroad failed to come for her after three years, she would forget about him and move on. “I believe in the saying that the nearest is the dearest. Relationship grows when both parties are together. Distance in any relationship is always a thorn. Many ladies today are unmarried because they waited in vain for their abroad lovers who never showed up. A beautiful lady in my area narrated a bitter tale of how she was abandoned with three children by her husband after he traveled abroad since 2011. According to her, things became difficult for them before a friend offered to assist the husband to South-Africa. While in South-Africa, the man got a good job and was sending money to the wife and children.
“However, things changed after two years of the man in South-Africa when he relocated abroad with the promise to come for his wife and children. Up till now, the wife is still hoping and praying because all efforts to contact the husband have proved abortive. Even the man’s parents and siblings cannot reach him. The first son who was nine years when the father left is now 18 years old. The struggling of caring alone for three children is affecting the mother who depend mostly on friends and family for the children’s up keep because her petty trade is not enough to sustain the home. Experience remains the best teacher. I cannot wait for any man who travel abroad after three years. If a man who was legally married with three boys could abandon them without any trace of him, what do you expect from a man you call your fiance who has not legally tied the knot with a lady. To be sincere, time and distance have a way of making the best of relationships looks so imperfect, due to no fault of anybody’s.”
Viewing it differentently, a self employed graduate, Miss Deola Oyinlola, revealed that there is nothing wrong in waiting for one’s fiance who travels abroad if he is trustworthy. According to her, some ladies through waiting for their fiances are now living abroad. She said, “It all depends on the communication and trust between both of you. If there is geniue love and trust, I will wait.”
On what if she was jilted, she said that before a man can abandon his fiancee for another lady, he must have noticed trait of insincerity in her. “Besides, if he is really the one you are ordained to spend your life with, no matter where he lives, there will always be a way out.”
Also, a fresh graduate, Ms Ifeoluwa Akinropo, who revealed that her fiance has been abroad for the past two years said that they have been communicating with each other on a regular basis to assure her of his unfailing love and commitment to marry her soon.
Asked how sure she was so that her case would not be like that of many ladies, she said that they started their relationship before they gained admission into different higher institutions and that for him to remain faithful while on campus was enough to convinced her that sooner than later, she will be getting married to his long time lover.
Her words:, “Though I have heard of some men disappointing their fiancee when they travel abroad, my own case will be different. After all, there are some who keep to their promises. My case is different because both families are aware, even during the introduction, my fiance’s father warned him against any act of unfaithfulness that may affect the relationship of both families. Besides, our wedding is coming up next year and everyone is planning towards it. The type of love we share is unique and undiluted that cannot be replaceable. If my fiance did not disappoint me as an undergraduate in a different university from mine, there should be no cause for alarm now that he is outside the country for greener pastures to better our future. The only thing I will continue to do is praying for his success instead of doubting his sincerity.”
A public servant, Omobolanle, whose fiance also lived abroad advised ladies in her shoes to be prayerful and committed and not to entertain fear of disappointment. The mother of two while sharing her experience revealed that she waited for four years before her husband came back for her.
Her words,” My fiance travelled abroad in the year 2005 with the promise of coming back for me. After two years, I became worried, despite the fact that we communicated regularly. My parents and siblings were also worried because I was not getting younger. As God would have it, my fiance came back 2009 and we formalised our relationship. He waited for five years within which we had our two kids. Today, he shuttles between Nigeria and abroad. When I asked him why some men failed to come for the ladies they earlier promised, he said that it might be due to insincerity on the part of ladies, family issues or if men marry citizens of the country to guarantee their stay.
This means that any lady whose fiance is in abroad must also be sincere to assure the man of her love for him to be convinced of coming home to marry her.