By Maria Famakinwa

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In this modern age, our smartphones are almost like our digital diaries, where our inner thoughts and secrets are contained. A peep into someone’s phone can reveal much about the person which explains why some people guard their cell phones jealously from intruders. Findings have revealed that one of the most common issues contending with today’s marriages is cell phone privacy.
The trend is becoming so serious that some couples go to the extent of locking their phones with codes or patterns unknown to their spouses, in order to prevent them from gaining access. This idea has been generating controversies among couples doubting their partners’ sincerity and commitment. The assumptions of many is that when a spouse is defensive or secretive about his/her phone, it is a symptom of an unhealthy behaviour. Couples who spoke with The Hope expressed their views on the topic.
In the submission of a beautician, Mrs Tolu Babalola, she explained that most men don’t like the idea of their wives snooping through their phones for reasons best known to them, which she said must be respected to avoid problem. She said,”when I just got married, I checked my husband’s phone without him complaining, but later my husband warned me against it and I stopped checking his phone since then, except when he gives it to me himself to check for something.”
Asked if it was right to check one’s spouse’s phone without his/her knowledge she said, “It is wrong to check your spouse’s phone. In fact, it is a violation of your partner’s privacy and a breach of trust. It is not the most honourable way of getting information about your spouse. You might find something small and innocent and blow it out of proportion.”
Sharing a similar sentiment, a civil servant, Mr Mayowa Ayodele, hinted that his decision to maintain some privacy even when married should not be misconstrued that he did not love his wife or that he was not faithful to her. He said, “it is an invasion of privacy to check a phone without the consent of the owner. It shows that there is a communication breakdown. It leads to suspicion and assumptions that trigger insecurity and upset.
“It is a different thing if it is both agreed by couples to be checking each other’s phone or a partner gets permission to go through the other’s phone without which there will be problem. We are separate individuals. Therefore our phones are private. It is wrong for couples to be checking each other’s phones.”
Also, an accountant, Mr. Olayinka Akintelure, warned couples against the idea of checking each other’s phone without the owner’s approval and added that such had led to broken homes and loss of lives.
His words:”In as much as I do not support the idea of couples coding their phones to prevent their spouses from gaining access, I will equally advise that if your partner does not like the idea of you snooping through his/her phone, it is better you abide by it to avoid problem. The fact that technology has made modern relationships more vulnerable cannot be denied.
We are all aware that the issue of checking the phone of one’s spouse without his/her knowledge has caused a lot of havoc in some marriages, leading to the death of either the husband or wife when it was discovered through the phone messages that either of the partner was having secret affairs. This type of unfortunate death would have been avoided if the phone was not checked and later settled. The partner who stabbed the other to death had since been arrested.
Reacting differently, a businesswoman, Mrs Queen Abdol, opined that there was nothing wrong checking one’s spouse’s phone since transparency was essential for a healthy and long-term bounding. She revealed that when one does not give the spouse full access to one’s phone, the partner is indirectly denying the spouse access to him/herself. She said, “denying your partner access to your phone is indirectly saying that there are secrets I don’t want you to know, behaviour I don’t want to reveal or activities I don’t want to share with you.
“Some may argue that cell phone is personal, which is deceit and any form of deception is toxic in a marriage. When joined together, the Bible says that nothing should put asunder including a phone.
It is funny how most men suddenly develop heart attack when their spouses want to check their mobile phones. You begin to wonder if the phone is more than a tool for communication. A healthy relationship requires both parties to be honest. If one party feels that the partner is being secretive, such will feel hurt and uncertain about the partner’s commitment in the union. Thinking that your partner is hiding something from you and unable to speak about it encourages snooping,”she said.
A psychologist, Mrs Sharon Omosanni, warned against checking one’s partner’s phone without his/her knowledge as she described such act as an invasion of privacy. Her words:” If you want access to your spouse phone, get permission to avoid problem, otherwise, it will cause distress to your partner and also give you mental torture because you are pre-occupied with assumptions and have little energy to focus on something more important. Such act does not improve relationship but leads to more misunderstandings. Instead, discuss issues with your partners.
It is not the issue of if it is right or wrong but on respect. Even if you get to know that your partner is having illicit affair, you still need wisdom to go about it so that you don’t lose your home. For your partner to be hiding any information from you already, he/she already understands the effect such information can have on you. Once your spouse gets to know that you are checking his/her phone secretly, the marriage becomes hell. Remember that you don’t right the wrong when the situation is tensed. Instead, find the right time to sort-out issues with him/her or get a trusted and respected person to intervene,” she advised.